My own signs of midlife crisisIn my mid-forties I experienced a number of so-called signs of midlife crisis. But I prefer to talk about them as spiritual and psychological trials and tribulations. I felt really out of whack with myself and my lifestyle. It’s no joke having that feeling, especially when you’ve been married for 20 years and have two teenage children. • I was not quite satisfied with my life although I was financially independent at the time. So what did I do? I made two radical changes in my life. First, I enrolled in a doctoral program for mature students in the UK to add zest to my life. I arranged to live like a bachelor in England for several months of the year. I did that for five years, the time it took me to complete my doctorate. Second, I fell in love again, parted ways with my first wife with whom I have a strong friendship, and remarried. I’ve now been living happily with my second wife for almost 15 years. Does “midlife crisis” really exist? The media, particularly the Internet, often play up the problems and signs of midlife crisis. Dr. Derek Milne, a clinical psychologist and author of the book Coping with a Mid-life Crisis, describes it as a feeling of “depression.” According to his data, it affects only 20% of the people (mostly men) aged generally between 35 and 50. These signs of midlife crisis are typically viewed as a time for emotional transition and for taking stock of your life. It may be due to internal factors, such as boredom with your life and dissatisfaction with your job, or external factors, such as increased debt or loss of a parent or dear friend, as it was for me. However, the whole idea of a “midlife crisis” is questioned in a 1999 study, How Healthy Are We?, by the MacArthur Foundation. The study investigated successful midlife development. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, has also looked at signs of midlife crisis. She has commented that "not only do I not find evidence for the midlife crisis, but I also show that Baby Boomers are not whining, selfish narcissists. They care about changing the world and making it a better place."
In his article on Irritable Male Syndrome, my colleague, Dr. Fred, also questioned the concept of midlife crisis in referring to "Irritable Male Syndrome", a notion that Jed Diamond has popularized.
1. Have good people in your life. It makes all the difference in living an enjoyable and fulfilling Third Age. I know for myself I feel so fortunate, for example, to be associated with Dr. Fred, an inspiring transformational thinker. 2. Develop the capacity for gratitude and for forgiveness. I find myself giving thanks daily to a superior being for all that is good in my life – having a loving wife, good friends, heath, the opportunity to contribute to the website, to name a few. I also make a point of not keeping grudges. 3. Work hard at having a loving, successful marriage. I feel so privileged to have Jacqueline as my wife. I never take for granted her love and support. When ever I find myself complaining or acting grumpy, I ask myself why the heck I am doing this. Then I let go of wanting to be right or to justify myself. 4. Avoid alcohol abuse. If I don't, I know I may lose all my friends. 5. Play and create. My weekly basketball games are a sacred element of play for me. I am also constantly practicing creativity by doing new and different things in my college English classes. 6. Make younger friends as you lose older ones. Taking courses and personal development seminars and attending conferences are good ways of meeting young, dynamic people. 7. Feel healthy even though you may be sick. I personally have to work hard at this because I am not sick that often.
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