How are midlife transitions different from midlife crises and midlife changes?

Midlife transitions are a more accurate term to use than midlife crisis. Both include change. One is empowering; the other is disempowering. I know this subject (midlife transitions) well and I would say that all of us who are midlifers know it well.

Change, transition and crisis

Change: An event which occurs when something in our life ends or is replaced by another event or way of doing something. Change is external; situational, like job loss or a divorce. It's episodic and happens to you

Transition: A gradual psychological re-orientation people experience as they try to adapt to change. It's internal - it happens inside you.

Crisis: an unstable situation of extreme danger or difficulty (online dictionary).

What the experts say is that the more accurate term to use when describing the process that ALL midlifers go through is midlife transitions, not midlife crisis.

According to William Bridges, the expert in transitions, there are three phases to transition:

1. Ending, losing, letting go - letting go of old patterns and ways of being. This is a phase where people are dealing with loss.
2. The Neutral Zone - the old is gone and the new way isn't fully integrated. It's like the "gap" that a trapeze artist experiences when they let go of one trapeze and haven't yet grasped the next one.
3. The New Beginning - coming out of the in-between time or the "gap" I refer to above. People are in a place where they can recreate themselves and create a new future for themselves.

Apparently, the Chinese character for crisis also represents opportunity. In my experience, that's how transitions have occurred for me and they've followed the phases outlined above. I never related to them as crises.

I went through some "major" midlife transitions. In the "gap" I refer to, I've felt fear and anxiety. It wasn't OK for me that I couldn't label myself by the type of work I did or that I wasn't engaged in some form of work. In my five career transitions, I felt driven to find something to "do"- that I could wrap my arms around. My experience was like being in front of a "blank canvass" like an artist - "What will I create?"

Through an ongoing practice of personal development, I've come to realize that what I was afraid of was confronting "nothing"; it's from "nothing" that I could create something new. Creation doesn't happen with something already there or anything incomplete from the past.

Also, giving myself permission to "be"- to be uncomfortable, to be patient, to go more with the flow of life, gave me more space to create my life. I took the time to identify: what's most important to me; what I most enjoy doing; my vision and goals for my life.

Recommendations for dealing with midlife transitions

1. Give yourself permission to "be" - to be in the space of not knowing, yet trusting that things will unfold and will turnout - they always do, no matter what drama we add to our lives.

2. Take on a practice of completing your past in terms of unfinished business: things left undone or unsaid; letting go of resentments, regrets and remorse.

3. Practice "being". Develop this capacity through meditation, yoga, breathing, physical exercise, being in nature. There are many ways to accomplish this. Find something that's a fit for you.

4. Get the support of a professional like a coach, counsellor, therapist.

5. Get group support.

6. There are many resources that you can tap into that will assist you in dealing with midlife transitions.

Listen to this
lively interview between Dr. Frank and myself about midlife transitions.
To hear other interviews and to subscribe to our podcast,
visit our midlife crisis coping podcast page.

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