Over the course of the last two years, midlife development has been an important theme in my own life, so it seemed that a natural fit for me in offering my executive coaching services would be working with executives and business owners between forty-five and seventy-five years of age. This age group is referred to as the Third Age. I'm one of them. I know their concerns, pains, challenges and opportunities.
In my day-to-day conversations with people in this age group, I notice that many have a very limited view on what it means to age.
The "Declining Energy Model" is characterized by powerlessness, emptiness, infirmity, depression and fear of death. All capacities decline - creativity, cognition, sexuality/intimacy, self-reliance, sense of control of one's life, and physical fitness.
There's another group of "Third Agers," who are relating to this period of life through the lens of the "Rising Energy Model of Aging," characterized by renewal, rebirth, regeneration and revitalization. They look at this period of life as being bonus years, where they have the opportunity to develop themselves in many areas - emotionally, spiritually, physically, creatively; developing a deeper connection to themselves, others and the world; focusing on contributing to others; a renewed sense of play; taking on new work projects, particularly through volunteering and working with not-for-profit organizations.
Recently, I had my annual physical with my holistically oriented physician. He was one hour behind schedule and when I entered his office, he asked me how I was. I told him that everything in my life was going well and that I was frustrated in waiting for one hour.
He asked me if I knew anyone who was approaching death in the short run. I said I didn't.
In his practice, he has patients who are in this state and suffering, so he needs to give them special attention. So, he suggested that the next time I'm waiting to see him, I might want to develop some more compassion and patience for what he deals with and be grateful for my excellent health. That hit home for me because those are two qualities I'm developing for myself.
He shared an observation he had recently. After an ice storm, he noticed a large tree close to his home that was completely bent over, yet within a few weeks it came back to its original height. What he's noticed in his practice is that those patients that resist life and aging have more serious illnesses than those that are more flexible and accept the aging process.
He shared that he had become "softer" in his approach to life – more of a going with the flow, and suggested that I take this quality on as a
midlife development.
Yes, I can see how I can be "hard" on issues; "hard" on myself; "hard" on others. In this state, I'm going against the "current" of life. I'm learning that it's much easier to "let go" and trust life. "Softness" for men, I think is a good quality to integrate.
Learning: A Key Practice for Midlife Development
Frederick Hudson, in his book LifeLaunch,my favourite book on midlife development and transition, says, "Learning also addresses the fear of aging. Adults at any age, who fail to keep up with the acceleration of learning take on stereotypical 'old' behaviours - passivity, fear, and lowered self-esteem. Continuous learning keeps you vital, awake, and expectant."
He offers seven questions to ask yourself to define the new learning you need to take on to design the next chapter of your life:
1. What do I have to unlearn if I'm going to master the future I truly want?
2. What new information and knowledge do I need in order to be at my best at this time of my life?
3. What life skills do I want and need to develop, to be alive and purposive in all that I do?
4. What technical skills do I need to improve at this time of my life?
5. What do I need to do to keep my life aligned to my values and leadership roles?
6. What are the learning environments and resources that I need at this time of my life?
7. Who are my teachers and mentors, at this time in my life?
Listen to this
lively conversation between Dr. Frank and myself about midlife development. To hear other interviews and to subscribe to our podcast visit our midlife crisis coping podcast page.
my favourite book on midlife development and transition, says, "Learning also addresses the fear of aging. Adults at any age, who fail to keep up with the acceleration of learning take on stereotypical 'old' behaviours - passivity, fear, and lowered self-esteem. Continuous learning keeps you vital, awake, and expectant."
