Happiness After Midlife Blog

Sep 3, An e-Course to Build Your Confidence

Mon, 3 Sep 2012 11:51:24 -0400

Are you looking for ideas, insights and practical activities to build your confidence? I highly recommend you test drive HAM's powerful e-Course, Discover Your Confidence. It was written by Monique Pambrun, author of Dammit, I am Right: A Journey to a more confident me! and produced by yours truly, Dr. Frank. The e-Course suggests a number of readings that supplement the activities. Here are examples of two of the readings from Module 1, week 1: (1) Awaken the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins, Chapter 4, pp. 81-85. The book may seem daunting at first; however, there are several key elements of personal power that he presents clearly and succinctly. This recommended reading deals with "how we deal with adversity and challenges." Robbins discusses the concept of "learned helplessness," a mindset created by repeated efforts to succeed that are ignored or proved futile. Eventually, people simply give up. Robbins presents the findings of Dr. Martin Seligman that suggest three elements of learned helplessness:

a feeling that failure is permanent
a sense that failure corresponds to all parts of our lives
a conviction that failure is our fault.

(2) The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, Chapter 3, pp. 47-53. This book presents a personal code of conduct to follow, agreements that we keep with ourselves to be well, happy, and successful. In this recommended reading, Ruiz attacks taking things personally, a destructive behavior that we must avoid. He reminds us that what people say to us or how they act is all about them, not us. He teaches us to live within our own view of the world instead of accepting others' views. Try out a demo of the e-Course, Discover Your Confidence. Dr. Frank

Aug 27, Great Thoughts from an Inspiring Man

Mon, 27 Aug 2012 10:43:11 -0400

I'd like to share with you some words of wisdom from a great man. Are they the words of the Dali Lama, Martin Luther King, Billy Graham?

You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.

To give service to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer.

There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever.

In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart.

It is easy to be friendly to one's friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business.

It has always been a mystery to me how men can feel themselves honoured by the humiliation of their fellow beings.

There is a sufficiency in the world for man's need but not of man's greed.

I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won't resume to probe into the faults of others.

If you are to teach real peace in this world, and if we are to carry on a real war against war, we shall have to begin with the children.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

When I admire the wonders of sunset or the beauty of the moon, my soul expand in the worship of the creator.

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.

It was none of the great men above. It was Gandhi. I want thank my dear friend Azmat for sharing these inspiring words with me. Dr. Frank

Aug 20, More from the eCourse Shifting Gears at Midlife

Mon, 20 Aug 2012 12:29:00 -0400

Last week I shared some some amazing personal development books from the Happiness After Midlife e-Course: Shifting Gears at Midlife. Here are three more valuable resources: Finite and Infinite Games An extraordinary book that will dramatically change the way you experience life. Finite games are the familiar contests of everyday life, the games we play in business and politics, in the bedroom and on the battlefield - games with winners and losers, a beginning and an end. Infinite games are more mysterious and ultimately more rewarding. They unscripted and unpredictable; they are the source of true freedom. The Path of Least Resistance A revolutionary program for creating anything from a functional kitchen to a computer program, to a work of art, Robert Fritz demonstrates that any of us has the innate power to create. Discover the steps of creating the importance of creating of what you truly love, how to focus on the creative process to move from where you are to where you want to be, and much more. The Bigger Game Are you ready to play a bigger game?
Do you want more in your life?
Are you hungry for something to be different?
Do you want to make a difference and you're not sure how?
Are you ready to risk?
Do you see a different and better future?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you are ready to play a bigger game. This book is meant to inspire and grow you, and it will point you toward your own bigger game. More important, though, it will point you toward becoming a bigger game player, someone who is always looking simultaneously outside youself and deep inside to create change - by epxressing and growing your talents in servie of what you care about most. Try out a demo of the e-Course, Shifting Gears at Midlife. Dr. Frank

Aug 13, Great ideas for creating your future

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 11:41:17 -0400

Are you looking for some amazing personal development books and e-Courses? Here are a few resources from the Happiness After Midlife e-Course: Shifting Gears at Midlife. The Trance of Scarcity The Trance of Scarcity by Victoria Castle confronts the prevailing myths in our culture of "not enough" and "not good enough." These fallacies limit the ability of individuals to fully embrace their lives and create abundance. Based on 20 years of coaching and teaching, Castle brings a new awareness to the pervasive problem of lack in our culture and provides substantive suggestions for awaking from this trance. Creating Your Future "Most people spend more time planning their next vacation than they do planning the rest of their lives," says Dave Ellis in Creating Your Future. Yet one of the most powerful paths to creating the future you want is choosing it. You achieve this by setting long-term goals based on a long-range vision. This book shows you the process, with activities that prompt you to write your goals, then follow these five steps: 1. Commit to creating your future.
2. Create a vision of your future.
3. Construct a plan to fulfill your vision.
4. Carry out your plan.
5. Celebrate what you've done and continue creating your future.
The Art of Possibility The lure of this book's promise starts with the assumption in its title. Possibility - that big, all-encompassing, wide-open-door concept - is an art. Well, who doesn't want to be a skilled artist, whether in the director's chair, the boardroom, on the factory floor, or even just in dealing with life's everyday situations? Becoming an artist, however, requires discipline, and what the authors of The Art of Possibility "offer is a set of practices designed to "initiate a new approach to current conditions, based on uncommon assumptions about the nature of the world." Try out a demo of the e-Course, Shifting Gears at Midlife. Dr. Frank

Aug 6, A Gratitude Healing Prayer from Dr. Toni LaMotta

Mon, 6 Aug 2012 12:33:47 -0400

Everyday I give thanks for my rich, abundant life. However, life is never perfect. Tomorrow, I face thyroid surgery to remove a potentially dangerous nodule. I want to share "A Gratitude Healing" prayer from Dr. Toni LaMotta's web site. Dr. Toni is a spiritual coach and author of a forthcoming program for conscious aging. She herself has faced many physical challenges and is a source of inspiration for me. Here is the beginning of the prayer: The beautiful gifts of gratitude begin at home
so today, invite a healing to happen
in your own body,
in your own consciousness,
in your own loving heart
that feels blessed to be alive.
Notice all the riches you’ve been given:
the feet that allow you to stand,
the legs that allow you to walk,
the stomach that allows you to eat,
the lungs that allow you to breathe,
the throat that allows you to speak,
the mouth that allow you to taste,
the nose that allows you to smell,
the eyes that allow you to see,
and your beating heart
that allows you to love.
Honor them all.
Become present to the treasures of your life:
the opportunities that you have been given,
the ones that have effortlessly opened up for you this year.
Reflect on your family, your kids, your partner, your friends.
Look through appreciative eyes,
the eyes of what’s right,
the eyes of the divine.
Give thanks in a way that you never have before.
Click here for the rest of prayer. Dr. Frank

Jul 30, Money and happiness in the news again

Mon, 30 Jul 2012 10:49:49 -0400

As I've mentioned many times, one of my favorite magazines is Men's Health, subtitled "Tons of Useful Stuff." Month after month, year after year, they continue to amaze me with their fresh and relevant content. Innovative exercise routines - particularly the "15-Minute Workout," and articles about relationships, nutrition, cooking and occasionally personal finance and money are treats to read and put into practice. In the September issue, they revisit "money and happiness" and refer to lots of research on the topic, including The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want by Sonja Lyubomirsky, one of my favorite writers on happiness. Here are some of the research findings MH reports on:

"Money also changes the way we think... Researchers found that just seeing a picture of money jerked our brains into Wall Street mode, ramping up our math memory and priming us to keep our eyes on the prize."
Other research, however, shows that the quest for money is two-sided. "For all the studies showing how money motivates and builds confidence, other studies find that it deadens charitable impulses, impairs social skills, and makes you less likeable."
"Studies show that the owners of luxury cars are generally no happier driving them than the owners of compacts, and that owning a vacation home has no impact on happiness." The process of hedonic adaption comes into play here, according to Sonya L. We get used to any change in our lives very quickly.
Other research shows that spending money on others offers greater happiness than spending money on yourself.

For me and my family, having enough money to provide a sense of financial security is an important piece of the happiness puzzle. Check out the Happiness After Midlife online courses:

Summer Special on Happiness-after-Midlife online courses: 50% off regular price

Shifting Gears at Midlife: Creating an Extraordinary Future Discover Your Confidence Dr. Frank

Jul 23, Be grateful for good friends

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 10:47:31 -0400

I want to share with you my gratitude for having great friends. First, my former partner at Happiness After Midlife, Dr. Fred Horowitz, referred me to "The Art of World Travel" by Justin Troupe. It's a delightful mini-course aimed at showing people how to travel the world even if they do not believe that they actually can. Through a series of simple exercises, Justin shows you how to "master your mind and conquer the world." It's strictly intended for those who dream of adventure and travel. Second, esoteric teacher John Kobel referred me to "The Science of Being Well," by Wallace B. Wattles. John is always there to inspire and share great thoughts. Writing in 1910, Wattles was ahead of his time. Here are some of his tasty tidbits on eating right:

Don't eat until you are truly hungry.
Before eating, anticipate what the food is so that extra saliva is produced (the mouth-watering effect).
Choose to want to eat what you're about to eat.
Chew your food thoroughly.
Eat in a peaceful environment and state of mind.
Remember that you will be better nourished and eat less if you chew more.

Finally, my dear friend and mentor, Sigy, an Apple fan, spent half a day with me yesterday sharing tips and tricks on how to get the most from my newly-acquired Mac Book Pro. What is amazing is that Sigy is not a "digital native." He didn't grow up with a computer and cell phone in his crib. Just like me, Sigy is a "digital immigrant." But unlike me, Sigy is 90 years old. He uses his own Mac Book to skype friends and family, listen to music, keep with up with the latest news, and quench his boundless curiosity. For other amazing online courses see:

Summer Special on Happiness-after-Midlife online courses: 50% off regular price

Shifting Gears at Midlife: Creating an Extraordinary Future Discover Your Confidence Dr. Frank

Jul 16, Turn Back the Clock with Harry Gaines: Fitness Beyond 50

Mon, 16 Jul 2012 15:48:22 -0400

I did the sprint triathlon on the weekend and I felt like I did indeed turn back the clock. In case you are not familiar with this competitive event, it combines swimming (750 meters), biking (20 kilometers), and running (5 k). I'm pleased to say that I did better in 2 out of the 3 parts of the race than I did three years ago. I'm ecstatic! My friends call me Mr. Motion because I am always working out. If you are looking for ways to get back in shape, I highly recommend Harry Gaines' book, Fitness Beyond 50. I asked Harry about his book. Here is the beginning of my interview with him appearing on Wednesday, July 18.

I began by outlining the topics I wanted to cover and then selecting one at a time. I read recent research publications and books, wrote stories from personal experience or from friends’ input and organized the information into a chapter. The goal was always to develop knowledge and inspiration – the “why” of exercise and healthy eating versus “how.” During the course of writing Fitness Beyond 50 I developed a cadre of over 50 individuals who read and provided comments, many of them M.D.s and Ph.D.s in various branches of science. They made sure the facts were correct, plus contributed many great stories that can provide inspiration to others. I’ve included over 125 real-life stories in the book.

Check out the Summer Special on Happiness-after-Midlife online courses: 50% off regular price

Shifting Gears at Midlife: Creating an Extraordinary Future Discover Your Confidence Dr. Frank

Jul 9, Do We Need Another Happiness Book?

Mon, 9 Jul 2012 10:52:47 -0400

There are so excellent happiness books on the market. Some of my favorite include:

The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want by Sonja Lyubomirsky: a research-based resource full of useful information and helpful activities for achieving the happiness you desire.

Be Happy!: Release the Power of Happiness in YOU by Robert Holden: an amazing resource based on his eight-week happiness course.

Field Guide to Happiness: Finding Happiness in its Natural Habitat by Barbara Ann Kipper: a delightful collection of lists, mind-mapping ideas, journal writing suggestions and many more inspirational suggestions to make you happy.

Do we really need yet another happiness book? After reading Get Happy Now! by Joseph McClendon III I would say resoundingly "Yes." I wasn't quite sure about the value of the book when I first opened it. However, my opinion changed quickly as the author gained my trust through his simple explanations of complex ideas and his practical approach full of tactics and techniques for increasing happiness. The author explores:

the science behind happiness,
how he turned his own life around at age 19,
what true happiness looks like,
simple, effective activities, such as "Magnificent Day,"
what holds us back from being happy,
the "warrior mindset,"
how to break negative thought patterns,
his successful process: See it, Say it, Move it, Prove it, Grove it

Look for my interview with Joseph on Happiness After Midlife coming in August, 2012. Dr. Frank

Jul 2, People - who make a difference in my life - worth following

Mon, 2 Jul 2012 11:50:59 -0400

I'd like to mention three people who have made a difference in my life: Dr. Toni LaMotta, spiritual coach, Fred Horowitz, business coach, and John Kobel, esoteric teacher. I highly recommend you follow the great work they are doing and see the difference they can make in your life. First, Dr. Toni: she is in the process of developing a new video program on conscious aging. She helps baby boomers looking to be clear on who they now are, searching for ways for dealing effectively with life transitions and overcoming their hidden fears. Get her free video. Check out the interview I did with Toni recently on the spirituality of aging. Second, Fred Horowitz: He is my former partner on this web site. He's returned to business coaching, his first love. Fred helps small business owners do meaningful work and have a full life. Get his free report: 'Build a Business with Integrity: Do Good, Do Well, Have Fun." Fred is principal author of the outstanding e-learning course "Shifting Gears at Midlife." Third, John Kobel: He has been helping individuals for several years now in his live sessions. He "teaches the fine art of successful visualization." Since I took his course I've been following his mind program for 15-20 minutes a day. Listen to the interview I did with John recently explaining his course. Dr. Frank

Jun 25, Priceless nutrition tips from Tom Corson-Knowles

Mon, 25 Jun 2012 09:51:03 -0400

If you believe you are what you eat, the new e-book from Tom Corson-Knowles is a must-read for you. I have an interview with Tom appearing on Wednesday, June 27. Here is a preview. Dr. Frank: I found your e-book, Dr. Corson’s Top 5 Nutrition Tips, to be highly informative. Please give me an overview of the e-book to whet the appetite as it were of my readers. Tom Corson-Knowles: The book is basically about what researchers have found to be the 5 most important aspects of human health when it comes to nutrition. It looks at the broad level spectrum of what really makes the most difference. Most nutrition advice these days comes in bits and spurts from the media and has a huge bias and slant to it. You know what it's like - one day they say a study shows eggs are good for you. The next day, eggs are bad for you! So what happens is people get confused. Consumers spend all their energy trying to make good food choices based on biased or incomplete information, or in many cases, misinformation that's put out there by the industry. So Dr. Corson wrote the book to clear up all the confusion and focus on the 5 most important aspects of human nutrition - fruits and vegetables, Omega-3 fats, Vitamin D, meat/dairy intake, and processed foods/artificial ingredients to avoid. See my May 21 blog post for a review of the e-book. Go to the Happiness After Midlife Learning Center for other amazing e-books and courses. Dr. Frank

Jun 18, Live Younger Longer

Mon, 18 Jun 2012 10:06:45 -0400

In my last post I talked about the particular interests of older folks related to recreation, health and fitness, cultural pursuits, interest in technology adapted from Joseph Chang's book, The Aging Myth. Chang also offers some common sense principles that may help you live younger longer.

Decide to be happy. You can decide to be miserable or happy. It's your choice. The other night I watched a film, Beautiful Lies, a psycho-comedy, in which one of the characters says she has decided to be sad. And so she was. Chang notes that "laughter and smiling are directly related to better health."

Exercise naturally. My former fitness coach used to say, "A body in motion stays in motion." I'll often do errands by either running or biking to stores.

Eat a wide spectrum of foods. Don't eat the same foods all the time. Also control the portion you eat. My father, who was a professional cook, used to say that six ounces of meat was plenty. Today's mega-portions in most of the fast food restaurants are BAD for your health. Also try not to eat alone. Check out Tom Corson-Knowles' article on good nutrition.

Bond with people. One of the highlights of my week is sharing breakfast once a week - when it fits my schedule - with my early-bird swim friends. For close to 20 years I'm been sharing stories, ideas and current events with 12 - 15 people. We're English-speaking and French-Speaking, working and retired, younger and older - a fantastic mix.

Rise and shine. Several days a week I'm up at 5:00 am and at the pool by 6:00 am to do 40 - 50 laps. As Chang says, "Acclimate your body to the rhythm of the sun."

Check out The Aging Myth: Unlocking the Mysteries of Looking and Feeling Young for more tips. Dr. Frank

Jun 10, The Top 3 Recreation, Fitness and Cultural Pursuits of Older Folks

Sun, 10 Jun 2012 20:05:29 -0400

It is not surprising that older folks like me have very particular interests relating to recreation, health and fitness, cultural pursuits, interest in technology. Here are the results of survey I came across in Joseph Chang's book, The Aging Myth. Top 3 sports, athletic and outdoor adventure pursuits (Percent ranked "extremely important" followed by my comment) 1. Swimming 55.2% (one of my favorite pursuits) 2. Golf 49.2% (no interest for me) 3. Bowling 34.4% (no interest for me) Top 3 increasing in popularity 18% 1. Hiking/climbing/rappelling (My wife and I hike occasionally. I have to admit I had to look up the word "rappelling." It has to do with moving down a steep hill or cliff with a rope. Not a sport for me.) 2. River rafting 17.8% (no interest for me) 3. Downhill skiing 9% (no interest for me) Top 3 health and fitness pursuits (Percent ranked "extremely important" followed by my comment) 1. Walking 82% (My wife and I do long walks at least once a week.) 2. Cardiovascular equipment workouts 78.8% (I do this regularly.) 3. Strength/weigh training equipment workouts 67.4% (I do this regularly too.) Top 3 increasing in popularity 1. Biking 56.7% (This and running I do regularly except for biking in the winter.) 2. Balance training programs (Yoga, Tai Chi, Pilates) 51.3% (No interest for me) 3. Personal training 41.8% (I'm my own personal trainer.) Top 3 Crafts and Cultural Art Pursuits (Percent ranked "extremely important" followed by my comment) 1. Ceramics/pottery/clay works 28.4% (My wife loves to do these things.) 2. Painting and drawing 27.2% (Another favorite activity of my wife.) 3. Woodcrafting 27.1% (No interest for me.) Top 3 Media and Technology Pursuits (Percent ranked "extremely important" followed by my comment) 1. Computer technology - general 44.4% (This is partly my business.) 2. Photography 33.5% (My wife loves this.) 3. Computer graphics 33.2% (Another interest of my wife.) How do you fit within these interests and pursuits? A category for me that is in a class by itself is life-long learning and self-improvement. If you feel like I do, check out the Happiness After Midlife Learning Center for engaging and inspiring e-Books, e-Courses, and recommended products. Dr. Frank

Jun 4, Conscious aging with Dr. Toni LaMotta

Mon, 4 Jun 2012 08:16:19 -0400

As you probably know, I am a big fan of Dr. Toni LaMotta, the Midlife Mentor, inspirational speaker, best-selling author, and remarkable spiritual life coach. I feel so privileged to be able to share weekly with her our ideas, experiences, successes of the past week, and plans for the upcoming week during our hour-long Skype calls. I had to laugh on two occasions in the last few conversations I had with her. First, I had mentioned that I read the Creative Mind and Success by Ernest Holmes, an influential new thought minister. I said, "Toni, you must know the work of Holmes." She responded, "Frank, did you know that Holmes started the church in which I am a minister?" Chuckle. Second, I said I had come across the work of Stephen Brookfield on critical thinking skills in connection with my teaching. I said, "Toni, you in your coaching ask a lot of thought-provoking questions." She said, 'Frank, did you know that I studied with Brookfield at Columbia University in the 1980's. He was one of the best teachers I ever had." Chuckle. Last week, she told me about her plans for launching a new video product called Becoming Myself: A Blueprint for Conscious Aging - a great title with riveting material. It will be a series of videos that guide midlifers and beyond in uncovering their beliefs and fears about aging and death and doing something about them. I got very excited about the product in hearing what she is planning. What is so powerful about it is that the product is based not only on her vast knowledge of adult development but also on her personal experiences in "looking the devil in the eye" - facing her own fears and insecurities and overcoming them. Some of the thought-provoking questions she threw at me are: "Who have you been? Who will you be? Who are you NOW?" I'll keep you posted on the launch of the product. I want to thank visitors for coming to Happiness After Midlife in droves. I had 10,000 visitors, who viewed almost 18,000 pages, last month - the best month ever. Dr. Frank

May 28, Confidence can make or break your chances of success

Mon, 28 May 2012 11:17:53 -0400

I'm a rabid basketball fun and tune in religiously to the East and West post-season NBA elimination series now taking place. I love watching my favorite players: Wade and James from the Heat, Parker, Duncan, and Ginobili from the Spurs, Rondo and Garnett from the Celtics. I'll even grudgingly watch Bryant and WorldPeace (aka Artest) of the Lakers, players I detest the most, just to watch them get beat. What does this have to do with confidence? A lot! Watching James reach new levels of excellence in beating Indiana, I was struck by a comment broadcast announcer Steve Kerr made about his seeming lack of confidence. Even though James is considered today by many to be the world's best player, he suffered from a lack of confidence after not rising to the occasion in last year's playoffs. Kerr commented that during this season James was consulting past star players to get advice on performing better. Kerr said James should be giving advice to others and not soliciting it. Nonetheless, James has rekindled his confidence and his game has soared to new heights literally. Just as having confidence can affect your level of play, it can also have a tremendous impact in your personal and professional life. Did you know that confidence and self-esteem are two of the best predictors of performance and resilience in the face of stress and challenges? Did you know that statistics reveal 95% of adults experience lack of confidence, self belief or low self esteem sometime in their life? If you are seriously interested in working on your self-confidence, I highly recommend the Discover your Confidence Course that Monique Pambrun created and I produced. It's a stimulating multimedia course that Aleks Srbinoski, coaching psychologist, says will "get you motivated, focused and inspired." To test drive the course, click here. Dr. Frank

May 20, Let food be your medicine

Sun, 20 May 2012 22:09:30 -0400

Let food be your medicine and let your medicine be your food - famous words of Hippocrates. And so preach Candace Corson, M.D. And Tom Corson-Knowles in their informative e-book, Dr. Corson's Top 5 Nutrition Tips, available as a Kindle e-book on Amazon. I've been interested in nutrition ever since I was introduced to the topic over 40 years ago. A life-changing event occurred when my first wife's aunt, a Grey Nun and a nurse, gave me a copy of Prevention Magazine. It knocked me off my feet and instantly changed my eating habits, principally in not eating sugars, empty calories and soft drinks. I don't think I swaffed down a handful of Coca Colas since that time. My healthy eating habits have also influenced my two children who are more even careful about what they eat than I am. Dr. Corson's handy little book has added to my knowledge of healthy eating and I highly recommend it. Not only does it give up-to-date information on new research, it also has links to high-quality nutritional products - discounted by the way - valuable books and weight-reducing videos. It is intended to "help people reach their cosmetic fitness goals by educating them on proper nutrition and exercise guidelines." Find out:

how much fruit and vegetables you should really be eating everyday
why it is not necessary to take a multivitamin or individual vitamin supplements like vitamin E
the real danger of toxic fats
the value of taking a vitamin D supplement
why it is not okay to eat "everything" in moderation
why eating animal proteins and fats is not a good idea.

There is one chapter I would recommend the authors add to the e-book. It would have to do with helping people put into action the recommendations they make in the book. We all know it so difficult to get people to change any habit, particularly their eating habits. The authors recommend, for example, reading the label on food products you buy, a habit I practice myself all the time. They could add to the list to make it easy for people to do what they know is right, but don't know how to put into practice. For more about healthy eating, check the interview with Dr. Joe Schwarz, A Scientific Approach to Healthy Eating. Dr. Frank

May 13, Pains and joys of attending Brooklyn Prep in the early 60's

Sun, 13 May 2012 20:02:12 -0400

I got an e-mail this past week from a classmate at Brooklyn Prep about the upcoming 50th anniversary of the class of 64. He was interested in organizing a class reunion and putting together a type of Blue Book of profiles of surviving and interested class members. Suddenly there was a flurry of e-mails from alumni supporting the idea and promising to attend. One alumnus, however, said he wasn't coming because of the emotional, psychological and even physical pain he still carries. There was the bullying and harassment of students and teachers and the unjustified homophobia directed at him. The Prep was certainly not a bed of roses. I experienced my own pains:

bullying and intimidation by the "tough guys" who didn't know better
the stress of intense competition from some the brightest minds around the city
Father Engel's inelegant treatment of me when he threw me down the staircase
trudging back and forth for two hours on the A train from Queens
swimming naked in the pool in swim class as an adolescent just discovering my own sexuality

Then there were the joys:

Loving Mr. Luongo's brilliant lectures on the American Civil War
Being introduced to the heart-warming songs of Edith Piaf by Mr. Moroney
Taking a class field trip to Washington, D.C. with Rev. DeGiacomo
Attending my first opera, Aida, at the Met with Mr. Winans
Participating in fascinating discussions with the "smart" guys at Mr. Winans' apartment.

Interestingly, I just finished reading Creative Mind and Success by Ernest Holmes, a new thought advocate writing at the beginning of the 20th century. I'm a practicing Catholic and don't necessarily adhere to all the principles of this school of thought. Nevertheless, I am attracted to the positive mindset and the power of controlled thinking that Holmes and other writers like James Allen, author of As You Think, espouse, as well as John Kobel, esoteric teacher. Holmes talks about transcending previous conditions: "No matter what has happened in the past, so transcend the old experience, that it will no longer have any effect upon us . . . All we have to do is to drop the undesired thing from our thought, forgive ourselves and start anew. We must never even think of it again. Let go of it once and for all." Holmes also refers to the power of love and forgiveness. "Did not Jesus at the moment of sacrifice ask the Father forgive all the wrong that was done to him? Shall we suppose we can do it a better way? If we do not at the present time love all people, then we must learn to do it, and the way will become easier, when all condemnation is gone forever and we behold only good." I believe Life Starts now. If we look within daily, we can create a fulfilled life no matter what our age. Dr. Frank

May 6, Why are these people happy?

Sun, 6 May 2012 21:23:56 -0400

I know and associate with a quite a few people. Most of them I am pleased to say seem to be happy with their lives. Here are three individuals that are exceptionally happy. I had the pleasure to share some great moments with them this past week. It got me thinking why they are so happy.

Sigi, my long-time friend and mentor, just celebrated his 90th birthday with about 25 of his Early Bird pool friends at breakfast this past week. Sigi has many reasons to be happy. He has a huge network of family and friends. Everyone loves him. He is always learning. He is curious and is a great listener. He epitomizes better than anyone I know the four agreements of Miguel Ruiz. He's impeccable with his word and never gossips. He doesn't take anything personally. He doesn't make unnecessary assumptions about anything. He always does his best. Sigi will surely continue to spread his wisdom and good humor to everyone who knows him well past 100.

Charlie B., another long-time friend, is a retired teacher and a self-trained singer of popular French ballads and songs. My wife and I had the pleasure recently of sharing his company for lunch for her birthday. Charlie also has a humungous social network of family and friends with whom he constantly interacts. He is one of the most generous and thoughtful persons I know. He shared with his us some of his secrets for happiness: look in the mirror everyday and smile to yourself, laugh whenever you can, and take 5, 10 or 15 minutes once or twice a day to reflect on a positive phrase or idea.

Dr. Toni LaMotta, my weekly brainstorming partner, is a new-thought minister and creator of the Midlife Messages blog. Toni has been facing severe physical challenges over the past year. But she has never lost her smile or intense desire to help others cope with midlife transition and understand the power of spirituality. Each week we exchange business ideas, successes of the previous week, and tasks for the following week. I love talking to Toni because she herself is so grounded and keeps me grounded in what is important, what is meaningful. Check the words of wisdom she shares in one of her blog posts called, Wisdom - To Celebrate Growing Older. Here are three ideas that struck me:

It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.
No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

Sigi seems to be a happy person by nature. Charlie B. and Dr. Toni, on the other hand, work actively on creating their life and being happy. Check out the e-course, Shifting Gears at Midlife, for guidance in creating your own life.
Share with us some of the happy people you know.
Dr. Frank

Apr 29, Music and happiness

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 21:49:48 -0400

Being an American ex-pat living in Montreal for many years as well as being a Francophile offers me the best of both English and French-Canadian culture. For example, I get to see great English theatre at either the Centaur or the Segal Theatre and I get to listen to entertaining French music at local bistros. The other evening I attended a tribute to Dalida, an iconic French singer, who died twenty-five years ago on May 3, 1987 at age 54. Claire Garand, an engaging, high-energy local French-Canadian singer, sang her heart out performing over 20 songs that Dalida popularized from the late 50's to the 80's. Claire gave her show at the Parc des Princes bistro before almost a hundred devotees of French songs. I was thoroughly enthralled by the whole experience. It lead me to wonder about the connection between music and happiness. Surprisingly, Sonja Lyubomirsky in her marvelous book, The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want, doesn't talk about the connection between music and happiness. Yet we know from recent scientific studies that "people love music for much the same reason they're drawn to sex, drugs, gambling and delicious food, according to new research. When you listen to tunes that move you, the study found, your brain releases dopamine, a chemical involved in both motivation and addiction", according to Discovery News. In the case of Dalida, it is sad to think that music can bring so much pleasure and so much pain. During her brilliant career Dalida sold 150 million records and brought joy to millions around the world. Yet her own life was increasingly filled with torment and unhappiness. Three of her numerous lovers committed suicide. She killed herself because as she wrote in her suicide note, "Life has become unbearable for me... Forgive me."

Apr 24, Some more interesting websites from the distaff side

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 22:06:32 -0400

As I mentioned in my last post, I recently joined a private forum. I shared some articles from the websites of three of the amazing people in the group. Here is a sample of the work of three more members in the group that will surely interest you.

Jennifer Boykin runs the sassy blog Life After Tampons which talks to midlife women who have been hit in the face by life: physically, emotionally, economically. Her most recent post, Do You Have Staying Power? 5 Strategies to Stick with Your Goals, shares her top strategies for sticking with your goals. Here are the first two: view life as a series of small "wins" rather than one ultimate win and put together a series of "wins." Go for it! I believe that success, even in small things, builds on success.

Frances Arnold writes about nutrition, yoga, cooking, gardening, and love on her very own Frances L Arnold's Blog. In her March 25th post, Courageously Commit to Your Life, she shares with us her fears and dreams. She's now taking on a new practice to overcome her fears and deal with self-limiting beliefs. It's a practice that we should try emulating.

Deonne Kahler has created Life on the High Wire, an irreverent blog that is aimed at creative, independent-minded people who strive to do and be better. Check her informative article, The One Thing You Must Do to Have Financial Freedom for the Rest of Your Life, in which she explains her strategy for being mortgage free. I referred to the article in my own piece, A house may not be an asset but it can be useful when in debt, appearing at my companion website, Money and Midlife.

Dr. Frank

Apr 23, What's new at Happiness After Midlife

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 09:15:36 -0400

Did you know that Pythagoras, the 6th century B.C. Greek mathematician and philosopher, would not teach anyone who was not mentally and physically fit according to esoteric teacher John Kobel. In his article on health and good nutrition recently published, Tom Corson-Knowles, founder of Authentic Health Coaching, offers other quotes on the importance of health. According to Tom, good health is essential for living a truly happy, fulfilling life. He provides some simple actions for creating and maintaining good health. I recently joined a private forum and I'd like to share the websites of three of the amazing people who are participating.

Elana Miller runs the blog The Psychosphere which talks about "personal development, relationships, entrepreneurship, psychiatry, spirituality and all-around kick-ass living." In wonderful post called Nine Ways To Be A Spiritual Warrior she deals with being mindful and setting a daily intention among other things. These are two important daily activities in my own life.

Matt Spaeth writes for Food Integrity Now, a blog devoted to truth and transparency in food labeling. He believes that people have every right to know exactly what they are buying and eating. His article, The Farmers vs. Monsanto, keeps us abreast of the debate over genetically-modified food and Monsanto. I recently read that Monsanto is the world's most hated company.

Diane Kern has a wonderful blog, Phenomenal Mind, and writes from the point of view of neuroscience, quantum theory and ancient wisdom. I love her section, Buddhist Pause, offering ways and means of resting from the engaging demands of a complex world. In her article, Not all thoughts are created equal, she explores the concept of "Mind stuff" or what I call the background noise in our minds and suggests ways of dealing with it. Diane gives her take on what I do regularly: self-observation of my thoughts.

More about other members of the private forum in my next blog post on Wednesday. Dr. Frank

Apr 16, Is procrastination hurting you? Find out how to overcome it

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 08:46:03 -0400

Last week I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Irena O'Brien, the Get-Out-of-Your-Own-Way Expert & Business Coach. Irena has written some excellent articles on Happiness After Midlife, including A Ten Step Wealth Building Plan and The #1 Wealth Creation Secret. Irena now specializes in working with frustrated people, particularly business owners, in overcoming procrastination. She defines this nagging problem as "voluntary delays that undermine performance or hurt you in some way." According to research it affects 20% of people. Irena is giving a FREE CALL dealing with procrastination on April 26 at 2:00 EDT. She'll talk about why time management doesn't work and the top 10 reasons why people can't deal with procrastination. You'll want to mark it down in your agenda. I'll be publishing the interview on May 2 in the Happiness After Midlife Newsletter. So Sign-up now in the box on the right and get a free gift. Find out more about the interview with Irena. Dr. Frank

Apr 14, What you need to know about money and spirituality

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 12:36:27 -0400

My dear colleague, Dr. Toni LaMotta, a thought leader in issues related to the spirituality of aging, has a special offer this week.

Money and Spirituality

She has gift for you - it's a new project she's working on - a Website that will have ALL the techniques, articles and prayer support for a life of Prosperity and Abundance - and yes, that includes but is not limited to money. This week, she is offering those who check out the new site, her M.O.N.E.Y. (My Own Natural Energy Yield) e-book for just $5. It normally sells for $19.95 And next week, she will be supporting people in taking a FREE 40 day Prosperity challenge/class. I hope you'll consider joining her.

FIND IT HERE

She'd love to hear what you think.

You'll find lots more to ponder on her BLOG, her new FACEBOOK FAN PAGE, and her Twitter connection.

Dr. Frank

Apr 12, Looking for a motivation boost?

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 13:53:28 -0400

I just finished reading Aleks Srbinoski's brilliant little book, Motivation Now: Productivity and Persuasion Secrets For Modern Day Excellence and Effectiveness (60 Minute Success Series) Ever since I had the opportunity to interview Aleks Srbinoski, I was struck by his energy, optimism, sense of humor and clarity of thought. These same qualities shine through his brilliant little book. It is full of gems - what he calls "secrets" - for feeling great and being motivated. The book is based on distinctions and experiments with his many clients over the years as well as his broad reading in positive psychology. Although the little book is a quick read being just over a hundred pages, you will want to return to it frequently. It contains so many powerful ideas, useful examples and practical activities. I also liked his short list of references at the end of the book. He provides a quick reference "Cheat Sheet" that you can keep nearby to remind you of important notions. Here is just a taste of the richness of the book, without necessarily spoiling your own learning experience. He describes how to use decisive language, how to overcome fear and procrastination, how to maintain motivation through praise, and how to generate motivating emotions. The book is a store house of "positive" words ranging from "affirmation" to "visualization." The three most important words in his tool kit begin with A, N and B. Can you guess what they are? He also shares the seven P words that he uses in his "Positivity Pillars," the first beginning with "pleasure" and ending with "purpose." Some of the distinctions that Aleks explores include external and internal rewards, negative and positive emotions, regular rewards and large rewards, and verbal and non-verbal praise. Join in the fun. Don't miss this book! Dr. Frank

Apr 11, What motivates you: personal growth or money?

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 15:47:41 -0400

Do you have headaches and stomach problems?
Do you have sleep problems? If you do, these problems may be related to an overemphasis on extrinsic values or goals based on recent psychological studies. These values include "money, luxury, appearance, attractiveness, status, popularity, looks, and power," according to Kennon Sheldon, professor of psychology at the University of Missouri. Studies show that money does not bring happiness and in fact my hurt happiness or our sense of well being. Recent research also shows that if you are focused more on intrinsic values, such as personal growth or self-knowledge, you tend to be more happy than people who are driven by extrinsic values. Our consumer-oriented society which focuses on extrinsic values does not make us happy. The "hedonic adaptation" principle comes into play here. You get accustomed very quickly to new material possessions. The initial fun and satisfaction wears off very fast. In my own experience, I've found that the adaptive principle can also apply to those seeking personal growth. I know a number of people who constantly run from one personal growth guru to another. They never seem to be satisfied. Having a higher income, on the other hand, may improve your "life evaluation" according to psychologist and Nobel prize winner Daniel Kahneman. He has asserted that earning the magic figure of $75,000 annually leads to a high level of emotional well-being. My feeling is that we live in a world of abundance and that you are not limited by the amount of money you can earn, unless you think you are. The latest psychological studies on the impact extrinsic and intrinsic values on our sense of well-being do make for fascinating reading. I take them with a grain of salt. Why limit yourself to one or the other? I prefer a blend of both values. I'd like to have "my cake and eat it too." Wouldn't you? Dr. Frank

Apr 9, Elements of an extraordinary future

Mon, 9 Apr 2012 15:35:13 -0400

Another activity from the e-course "Shifting Gears at Midlife" Over the last three weeks I shared several activities from weeks one to three of the 5-week e-course Shifting Gears at Midlife by Dr. Fred Horowitz and myself. The objective of the fourth week of the e-course is to distinguish the elements of an extraordinary future. The second activity for week 4, a journal writing exercise, asks participants to answer this question:

Which emotional states or moods, which qualities will you generate, will you bring forth to support the ways of being that will increase the likelihood of you attaining an extraordinary future? Here are only a few examples: courageous, unstoppable, centered, cheerful, creative, decisive ... For more about the course, click here. Buy it now. Dr. Frank

Apr 6, It's my birthday!

Fri, 6 Apr 2012 11:57:45 -0400

It's time to celebrate my 65th birthday and to celebrate life. I Promise Myself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind,
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to everyone I meet,
To make all my friends feel that there is something in them,
To look on the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true,
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best,
To be just as enthusiastic about success of others as I am about my own,
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future,
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and to have a smile ready for every living creature I meet,
To give so much time to the improvement of myself that I have no time to criticize others,
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble,
To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world - not in loud words, but in great deeds,
To live in the faith that the world is on my side so long as I am true to the best that is in me.

Adapted from Christen D. Larson, 1912, and shared with me by John Kobel, author of the powerful mind-changing program, 4 Weeks to Freedom: Unleash the Power of Your Mind. Dr. Frank

Apr 5, What's new at Happiness After Midlife

Thu, 5 Apr 2012 16:31:01 -0400

Check out my guest blog post, 10 Questions to Ask Yourself for Healthy Aging, on Tom Corson -Knowles amazing website. I invite you to ask yourself 10 key questions for keeping your mind sharp and your body fit.

Check out the preview page on an interview I did today with Michel Gaudreau, an experienced real estate broker, on the issue of retirement planning and rental property transfer to children. The emotional and psychological considerations are perhaps more important than the financial and fiscal numbers. The interview will appear next week on April 11 on Happiness After Midlife. I want to wish everyone a happy and joyous Easter and Passover as well. Dr. Frank

Apr 2, Fulfillment and your unique connection to life

Mon, 2 Apr 2012 11:45:32 -0400
Another activity from the e-course "Shifting Gears at Midlife" Over the last two weeks I shared several activities from weeks one and two of the 5-week e-course Shifting Gears at Midlife by Dr. Fred Horowitz and myself. The objective of the third week of the e-course is to distinguish integrity, values, purpose, vision and mission. The first activity for week three, a journal writing exercise, is called "Vision, values, purpose, mission, standards, and honoring your word." Here are some questions from the activity:

What are you really passionate about?

What really matters to you?

If someone were to observe you, what would they say matters to you?
Share your answers with a partner.
For more about the course, click here. Buy it now. Dr. Frank

Apr 1, A Prayer for Those Suffering

Sun, 1 Apr 2012 14:40:30 -0400
For Christians around the world, today is Palm Sunday marking Christ's short-lived triumphant entry into Jerusalem, riding a donkey, a symbol of peace. Palm Sunday also denotes a series of prophetic events leading to Christ's Crucifixion on Good Friday. He suffered unbearable physical pain at the hands of the Romans and mental anxiety feeling abandoned by his Father. However, Christ would triumphantly rise from the dead three days later on Easter Sunday. I know so many people who are enduring unbearable suffering, facing painful physical, spiritual, psychological or financial challenges. A dear colleague of mine going through especially difficult moments indeed sent me this meditation: Suffering
Pain teaches a most counter-intuitive thing — that we must go down before we even know what up is. In terms of the ego, most religions teach in some way that we all must “die before we die, and then we will not be afraid of dying.” Suffering of some sort seems to be the only thing strong enough to destabilize our arrogance and our ignorance. I would define suffering very simply as “whenever you are not in control.” If religion cannot find a meaning for human suffering, humanity is in major trouble. All healthy religion shows you what to do with your pain. Great religion shows you what to do with the absurd, the tragic, the nonsensical, the unjust. If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it. If there isn’t some way to find some deeper meaning to our suffering, to find that God is somewhere in it, and can even use it for good, we will normally close up and close down. The natural movement of the ego is to protect itself so as not to be hurt again. The soul just wants meaning, and then it can live.
Adapted from Richard Rohr, Things Hidden: Scripture as Spirituality. If you share my belief in an all-powerful God and the importance of religion, you may want to share this meditation with a loved one who is suffering. Dr. Frank

Mar 25, Is your life a "game" worth playing?

Sun, 25 Mar 2012 20:36:39 -0400
Another activity from the e-course "Shifting Gears at Midlife" Last week I shared two activities from the first week of the 5-week e-course Shifting Gears at Midlife by Dr. Fred Horowitz and myself. The objective of the second week of the e-course is to recognize that there is no inherent meaning or purpose to your life. You have the capacity to be the "creator" of the game you make up. The first activity for week two, a journal writing exercise, is called "Life is a Game." Here are some questions from the activity:

Do you take the time as a routine or habit to design and plan your life (long range and short range)?

How do you accomplish and produce results in your life (goals, visualization, prayer, manifesting or going with the flow)?

How effective are you in accomplishing what you've set out to accomplish? If you are setting goals, for example, how effective are you in realizing them?

For testimonials about the course, click here. Buy it now while the Winter Sale lasts. Dr. Frank

Mar 22, Check out the Discover Your Confidence e-Course now available

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 20:56:03 -0400

Discover your Confidence – a two-part multimedia e-course – is a 12-week program that gives you the tools to build and maintain your confidence. Through a series of readings, exercises and practice periods, Discover your Confidence teaches you how to develop (or regain) your confidence, a process created by author and coach, Monique Pambrun. See the Free Demo. What people are saying about Discover your confidence:

Ennio Vita-Finzi, CITP, Managing Partner, The PHOENIX-PARAGON Group:
I thoroughly enjoyed every one of the steps and, in particular, the various short exercises with examples. The course is very positive and uplifting and talks about many of the concepts that I believe in personally, so the experience was extremely worthwhile. I am sure that it will be very successful and will help many people in their search for a better, confident and more fulfilling life. How can Discover your Confidence help you? Confidence and self-esteem are two of the best predictors of performance and resilience in the face of stress and challenges. And yet, statistics reveal 95% of children and adults experience lack of confidence, self belief or low self esteem sometime in their life. Dr. Frank

Mar 20, Take Charge of Midlife and Beyond: the Change-Your-Life E-Book

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 21:23:56 -0400
Take Charge of Midlife and Beyond is a collection of 52 ideas and activities for changing your life, taking on new challenges, living life with spark and energy, and enjoying yourself more. Take Charge of Midlife and Beyond offers current trends in midlife development, different viewpoints on midlife crisis, and case studies of midlifers who have succeeded. It offers six types of learning activities that, if done daily over the course of a year, will help change your life. Buy Now the change-your-life TCMB e-book with its extensive book recommendations. Click here. Reader testimonial: Susyn Reeve, co-author of The Inspired Life, asserts, "A must read and must do road map to living the life your desire. The information is clear and the exercises are powerful . . ." What is TCMB? In a nutshell, TCMB teaches you how to:

Look within yourself and examine your thoughts, ideas, beliefs, feelings and experiences.

Rate or access the actions or habits that are part of your life.

Play with different concepts and images to see the world differently.

Investigate an issue that grabs by doing a little research.

Take small steps to make simple changes by engaging in repeated actions.

Create space in your life by writing freely.

Why purchase this e-book? There many reasons:

It's really informative. I've done the research for you.

It's a practical tool. It is full of exercises and practices that I have done myself.

It includes valuable resources. It is the result of my reading and discussions with colleagues over several years.

There are many motivating learning activities. They range from self-reflection to journal writing.

It's easy to use. Just print out the exercises and start making notes.

Pricing: I have kept the price affordable at $9.99 ... less than the cost of a movie ticket that can change your life right away. Format: It is available in PDF format for ease of delivery. Reader testimonial: Mark Yerbury, Director, Quebec Division, Dale Carnegie Group, comments, "I think your readers will appreciate the hands-on interactiveness of this e-book. Very deep. " Buy the change-your-life TCMB now. For my YouTube video clip, click here. Table of Contents: Introduction

Dealing with change

Healthy Aging

Fitness and Nutrition

Money and Happiness

Career Change

Financial Matters

Starting a Business

Setting Goals

For more about the change-your-life e-book, click here. Dr. Frank

Mar 19, Shifting Gears at Midlife - Sample Activities

Mon, 19 Mar 2012 10:47:31 -0400
In my previous post, I wrote about the five-week multimedia e-course, Shifting Gears at Midlife that Dr. Fred Horowitz and I created. I mentioned that one of the objectives of the course is to teach you to be reflective, a critically important behaviour that most people do not practice. Here are samples of two activities from Week 1 of the course. It follows an initial exercise distinguishing between observation (noticing what is present without a judgement) and evaluation (adding an interpretation.) Activity 2: Impoverishing stories (based on ideas from Victoria Castle's The Trance of Scarcity) Have you ever thought?

I'll never be good enough.

I can never relax.

Life is unfair.

I don't deserve a great life.

Put a check next to the thoughts that describe you. Activity 3: Upgrade your story. You have the capacity to upgrade your story. It's only a story.

Reorient yourself by asking whether this story is useful, given what you care about?

Choose an impoverishing story that keeps you stuck in some aspect of your life, such as relationships, money and well being.

Write down your actions and behaviours that keep the story alive.

For testimonials about the course, click here. Buy it now while the Winter Sale lasts. Dr. Frank

Mar 16, Shifting Gears at Midlife: Creating an Extraordinary Future

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 15:01:11 -0400
Shifting Gears at Midlife - a multmedia e-course - is a simple way to consciously create your extraordinary future by using a set of tools and practices developed over 20 years by Dr. Fred Horowitz. Shifting Gears at Midlife is an unconventional learning approach that frees you from the past and offers you the capacity to have greater freedom, power and fulfillment in your life right now. To experience what the SGM approach can do for you, click here. Buy it now while the Winter Sale lasts. Testimonial: Janet Cranford, Career change and life transition coach, asserts, "SGM is a valuable guide to creating a story for your life that fits who you are now, as well as who you're becoming. . . you owe it to yourself to take this course." What is SGM? In a nutshell, SGM teaches you:

How to be reflective.

How to develop a more critical worldview.

How to better understand yourself and the world around you.

How to act on your own purposes, values, feelings and meanings that you give things - not to accept uncritically these things from others.

How to have greater freedom, power and fulfillment in your life.

Why purchase this e-course?
There many reasons:

It's fun. It's a game worth playing, just like life itself.

There is a lot of material. It is full of readings, interactive exercises and activities

There are a ton of resources. We recommend some our favorite books and websites.

It contains a glossary of important terms. They go from A for "Acorn Theory" to W for "Well Being."

It has a really cool look. Lisa Rodgers at Spy Vs Spy Computers did a great job.

Buy the SGM multimedia e-course now: For more testimonials, click here. Dr. Frank

Mar 14, Take the Happiness Quiz

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 12:02:49 -0400
If you are a regular visitor to Happiness After Midlife, you've probably learned a lot about happiness and perhaps implemented into your life some of the suggestions and practices offered. You may have listened to the interview with Sonja Lyubomirsky on "What is Happiness?" or perhaps read the article on "The Keys to Happiness" by Timothy Sharp. So you think you know a lot about happiness. Are you ready for a Happiness Quiz? How many answers can you get right? 1. How many happiness books were published in 2008? a. 2000
b. 3000
c. 4000
d. 5000
2. According to research findings, who is the "happiest man in the world?" a. the Dali Lama
b. Matthieu Ricard, Buddhist monk
c. the Pope
d. Bill Gates
3. Money can buy happiness in some situations. True or false. 4. The more beautiful you are, the more happy you are. True or false. 5. Some intentional happiness activities include: a. eating well
b. meditation
c. expressing gratitude
d. playing golf
e. all the above.
6. Is being too happy potentially detrimental to your income, career and educational advancement. True or false. 7. According to one recent study measuring depression, which country was at the top of the list? a. Sweden
b. the United States
c. Ethiopia
d. Russia
8. Which country is one of the best for taking the best care of its young? a. The Netherlands
b. The United Kingdom
c. the United States
d. Germany
9. Research shows that a walk in the park is better for your mind than a walk downtown. True or False. 10. Who said this? "If you want to be happy, practice compassion. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion." a. Jesus
b. Mohammed
c. the Buddha
d. the Dali Lama
The information in this quiz has been culled from an article by Vesela Simic entitled "In Search of Happiness."

How did you do?
1.c, 2.b, 3.F, 4.F, 5.e, 6.T, 7.b, 8.a, 9.T, 10.d

Mar 11, An Amazing Happiness Reading List

Sun, 11 Mar 2012 20:32:46 -0400
If you like reading about personal growth and spirituality in midlife and beyond, I have a recommendation for you. In fact, there are over 30 recommendations; they come from the pen of Rev. Dr. Toni LaMotta, my dear colleague, at her blog Midlife Messages. Dr. Toni has compiled an amazing annotated reading list that will keep you reading into a wee hours of many nights. Dr. Toni herself has published a best-selling book, What You Really Want Wants You. I myself have commented on many books she includes in the list in some of my own blog posts, including those by Ernie Zelinski, George Vaillant, William Sadler, David Corbett and Gene Cohen. You might want to read the interview on "active retirement" HAM did with Ernie Zelinski. Check out the Happiness After Midlife store which has some great products. Dr. Toni, great job! Dr. Frank

Mar 9, Some of my secrets to happiness

Fri, 9 Mar 2012 11:01:06 -0500
My colleague, Aleks Srbinoski, blogger at Fulfilling Happiness Daily, has written a very informative report on the Happiness and its Causes conference recently held in Sidney, Australia, his home town. Here are the five findings that struck Aleks the most:

Growth is better than cure. With growth goes resilience. "The stronger and more emotionally resilient you are, the better you will be able to respond to pressure, crisis and tragedy."

You are capable of so much more than you realize. "When expectations are increased, abilities increase."

Well-being needs to become the new measure of prosperity. "Finances are still important ... [but] money does not equal happiness."

Dying is a part of life, so be prepared to die well. "Death is the most important part of life."

Active positive relationships are the key to success, happiness and harmony. "Everything is about relationships."

As I put into practice the lessons I've learned from John Kobel's course in unleashing the power of your mind and Mark Meusse's course in meditation, I have learned that you have to work at happiness. It takes discipline and effort; it doesn't happen by itself. Here are some of my reflections on happiness.

Growth is a continual process that requires daily practice. If you stop taking control of your mind every single day, you stop making progress.

Happiness is a state of being. I challenge myself to talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person I meet.

How ever you measure happiness, it is not something that a government policy or program can instill in its citizens. You can't downplay the importance of financial security. It is one of the top concerns of midlifers and beyond, along with health and a sense of meaning.

I'm still working at cultivating detachment and mindfulness, stepping stones to happiness.

You are the gardener and your friends are the flowers in your garden. You have to nourish constantly your relationships.

Listen to the lively interview I did with Aleks on "Authentic Happiness." You will also want to catch the inspirational interview I did with John. Have a look at the free demo of the highly regarded e-course, Shifting Gears at Midlife, I created with Dr. Fred Horowitz. It's on sale till the end of the month. Dr. Frank

Mar 6, Happiness myths and the meaning of happiness

Tue, 6 Mar 2012 20:56:57 -0500
In an engaging article entitled "The 5 Myths of Happiness," Justin Criner asserts that: 1. Happiness is not time based. "Happiness is not predicated on time. It happens only in the now." 2. Happiness is not event based. "happiness comes from somewhere other than an event." 3. Happiness is not related to "stuff." "Happiness and stuff are mutually exclusive. They are not related." 4. Happiness does not come from external sources. "If you are looking for some external source to make you happy or to bring happiness in your life then you will never find it for any lasting amount of time." 5. Fighting BAD does not create happiness. "Complaining does not create happiness." Criner is right to a certain degree. However, the term happiness is complex and has several meanings. Robert Holden describes the meaning of happiness in one of my favourite books on happiness, Be Happy. In his thinking there are three kinds of happiness: 1) sensory happiness or pleasure, 2) circumstantial happiness or satisfaction, and 3) unreasonable happiness or joy. Sensory happiness is the pleasure we get through our physical senses. The second kind of happiness is called circumstantial happiness or satisfaction. Holden states that positive psychologists often write about this kind of happiness in referring to concepts like "fulfillment" and "subjective well-being." Holden refers to the third kind of happiness as unreasonable happiness or joy. For him, joy is the soul of happiness and the only true kind of happiness. He compares it to "bliss" and "ecstasy." It is much more than an emotion or a state of mind; it is bigger than the ego and comes before the "I." Holden gives five reasons why the cultivation of an awareness of joy is the true path to happiness. 1. It is constant and ever present: you do not have to chase joy or satisfy your ego to be joyful. 2. It unleashes creativity: joy is a source of inspiration. 3. It is unreasonable: joy is based on nothing and does not need a reason to exist. 4. It does not have an opposite, unlike pleasure and satisfaction: joy's twin is love and nothing can diminish it. 5. It is enough, unlike pleasure and satisfaction which require more and more: enjoy has an abiding sense of "enoughness." According to Holden, "unless you cultivate an awareness of joy, no amount of pleasure or satisfaction can make you happy." Dr. Frank

Mar 4, Canadian Entrepreneurship alive and well

Sun, 4 Mar 2012 19:05:22 -0500
According to a recent BMO study, 76 per cent of Canadians would start their own business. Here are the highlights of the study:

Top challanges are access to capital, developing a business plan, and finding customers,

Food and hospitality, retail/services, and arts/entertainment & recreation are most favoured sectors,

Fifty-two per cent of Canadians believe access to capital to be the primary challenge to starting their own business,

Eighty-six per cent of potential entrepreneurs say sharing knowledge with other business owners will be important to their success.

In an effort to help midlifers and beyond start their own businesses, Joe Wasylyk founded the SeniorPreneur Project. Check out two useful tools he provides on his website: the "Action Planner Worksheet" and "Marketing Weapons." You will also want to listen to the interview I did with Joe. I want to thank Patrick Kabrita, investment adviser with BMO Nesbitt Burns, for sharing this story with me. You don't want to miss the recorded interview I did with Patrick appearing this Wednesday, March 7, 2012 available in the Happiness After Midlife Newsletter. Sign up for free membership now. Dr. Frank

Mar 2, How to avoid money mistakes

Fri, 2 Mar 2012 13:21:36 -0500
I just had an informative and thought-provoking interview with Patrick Kabrita. He's a very sharp investment adviser with BMO Nesbitt Burns. The interview is part of my larger initiative in financial literacy to better inform midlifers and beyond about the way they handle money. Patrick mentioned a number of strategies for avoiding money mistakes by working with the right advisers. One of his favourite books is Simple Wealth, Inevitable Wealth: How You and Your Financial Advisor Can Grow Your Fortune in Stock Mutual Funds. The audio interview will be published on Wednesday, March 7, 2012, for members only through my E-Zine. So subscribe to Happiness After Midlife now. Get the first chapter of my e-book, Take Charge of Midlife and Beyond: 52 Ideas and Activities. I recommend you purchase the book now as the introductory price is going up on March 7, 2012. Dr. Frank

Mar 1, Happiness After Midlife has best month ever

Thu, 1 Mar 2012 10:53:54 -0500
I want to thank my followers at Happiness After Midlife for making February, 2012 the best month ever. There were over 8500 visits to the site during the month. Visitors came to learn from its 235 pages of informative content, listen to over 50 recorded interviews with guest speakers, and be entertained by its pertinent, snappy blog posts. Happiness After Midlife now has over 235 pages of rich content ranging from midlife career change, midlife education, entrepreneurship and money matters. What is the common thread in these topics? That they are critical concerns for me and the many midlifers and beyond that I know! That midlifers and beyond need support, encouragement and guidance in still achieving wonders in their professional, personal and spiritual life. I want to thank everyone who has contributed to Happiness After Midlife. I especially want to thank everyone for coming to the site as well as those who have written to me. I'm launching soon a redesigned website with my new motto is "Life Starts Now." I appreciate your continued support. Dr. Frank

Feb 28, You're never too old! Christopher Plummer's inspirational speech

Tue, 28 Feb 2012 10:21:55 -0500
I loved Aleks Srbinoski's blog post today, "Biggest Lesson From The Oscars: You’re Never Too Old!," on his new blog. Aleks was inspired by Christopher Plummer's award-winning speech as the oldest actor at age 82 to win an Oscar. I was too! I share in Plummer's desire to continue doing what you love best as long as you can. My new motto on Happiness After Midlife is "Life starts Now!" I'll continue to write and teach as long as I can. Check out Aleks's three tips for continuing to grow as you age: - Never use age as an excuse.
- Progress is always possible.
- Value your experience.
Listen to the fascinating interview I did last year with Aleks on authentic happiness. Dr. Frank

Feb 27, The Law of Attraction: Give before You Can Get

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 11:00:25 -0500
The law of attraction and the secret to a happy life

Feb 26, People who are making a difference in my life

Sun, 26 Feb 2012 21:29:17 -0500
I often meet midlifers and beyond who aspire to make a difference and often do so in their own way in my own life. Most recently, Rev. Dr. Toni LaMotta is giving me thought for reflection in writing about the spirituality of aging. John Kobel is giving me the tools to take control of my thoughts through his 4 Weeks to Freedom course. Keith Robertson is giving me new ways to look at such concepts as the law of attraction. Monique Pambrun is giving me insights into the power of being confident in the soon to-be-published e-course, Discover Your Confidence. It's rare, however, to come across young people who want to make a real difference in the lives of others and who are actually doing so. One of my college students, an aspiring hip-hop artist who goes by the stage name Silex, is one such young person who wants to make a difference. Here is what he wrote about his dreams in a Happiness After Midlife blog post last year:
Every night I make new dreams, and I dream during daytime as well. No need to tell, I'm a person full of dreams, goals and projects. One dream (goal) of mine is to take pride and find a pleasure in every single thing I am doing; in other words, treasure every moment. Even if that thing is something unpleasant at first sight, I believe I would definitely gain finding a positive side to it. On top of that, I want to share that dream (through my music) and let it spread like butter on bread so that people can spend more time smiling in their beautiful adventure.
The other day he sent me a link to another young hip-hop artist person who is making a difference, Emmanuel Jal. For five years, he fought as a child soldier in the Sudan. Rescued by an aid worker, he's become an international hip-hop star and an activist for kids in war zones. Check out the story of his remarkable life told in words and lyrics. Dr. Frank

Feb 24, What's your financial plan for living well after your 60's?

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 09:57:42 -0500
Sun Life Financial just published their annual "Canadian Unretirement Index." They asked over 3700 adults aged 30 to 65 about their "unretirement" plans. A major finding is that only 30% of Canadians expect to be fully retired at age 66. Here are the reasons Canadians gave: 1. To earn cash to pay for basic living expenses (23%) 2. To earn enough cash to live well (20%) 3. Government pensions will not be enough to live on (19%) 4. To stay mentally active (14%) 5. To enjoy my job or career (11%) The survey reported: "Retirement expectations continue to evolve. The idea of retiring at the traditional age of 65 is no longer realistic or desirable for many Canadians. In fact, only 3 in 10 Canadians expect to be fully retired at age 66. On the other hand, more than half of Canadians (55%) expect to still be working and have an average expected retirement age of 71. The average expected retirement age among all Canadians is 68." Another sobering finding is that "a third of Canadians (33%) expect to have a very low level of retirement savings when they retire - under $100,000. Another 21% expect to retire with between $100,000 and $249,999." Rather than put money into savings, Canadians prefer to pay down debts such as credit cards and loans as well as save or pay for housing. What is your plan for your later years? Will you have enough money to live well after your 60's? Another option to continue working is to start a part-time business of your own. For more on this, listen to my interview with Joe Wasylyk, founder of the Seniorpreneur Project. Dr. Frank

Feb 21, It's never too late for a midlife career change

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 20:14:47 -0500
In my last blog post, I commented on Annie Murphy Paul's provocative article in the December 2011 edition of Psychology Today (PT), entitled "The uses and abuses of optimism (and pessimism)" and questioned the value of both optimism and pessimism. Creating the life you want is not about having either of these attitudes but having the conditioned mind. Today, I'd like to report on a second article, "Life's NEW Timeline" by Debra Shigley, which caught my attention. The last part of the article deals with "encore careerists." It was the topic of my last interview with Joe Wasylyk. The article reports on the inspiring success of three midlifers and beyond: Bob Shirilla, who started a successful online business at age 57, Martin Levin, now 92, who became a practicing lawyer at age 65, and Ofelia de La Valette, who opened her own hugely popular dance studio at age 47. Click below for more. Dr. Frank

Feb 19, Questions about optimism and pessimism- Do psychologists have all the answers?

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 19:56:36 -0500
I came across a fascinating article in the December 2011 edition of Psychology Today (PT), entitled "The uses and abuses of optimism (and pessimism)" by Annie Murphy Paul. I'd like to report on parts of the article, quote a few passages from it and make some comments. They are based on my studying with John Kobel in the 4 Weeks to Freedom: Unleash the power of your mind course. PT: Current popular thinking views "optimism as an unqualified good, an all-purpose remedy for everything that ails us." Now some psychologists are beginning to think that "the faith we place in positive thinking is not merely naive but fails to capture the complexities of human motivation." Dr. Frank: Optimism is only an attitude, which is simply a favorable evaluation of something or someone. It certainly does mean the same thing as a conditioned mind - based on a way of living - that controls one's thoughts and uses their tremendous power. It seems to me that if we think something won’t work, it won’t. If we think we won’t succeed, we won’t. If we think we are persecuted, we will be, and so on. Click below for more. I'd love to hear from you. Dr. Frank

Feb 15, Update on Happiness After Midlife

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 10:26:17 -0500
Here is what is new at Happiness After Midlife this week: - There is an informative recorded interview with Joe Wasylyk, author of the e-book, Encore! Encore! Seniors (50 Plus) as Entrepreneurs: Their Time Has Come. It is a veritable mini-course in launching a second career as an entrepreneur. - There is a new edition of the HAM newsletter on the fascinating topic of "focus and concentration," essential tools for success according to Charles Haanel, author of the Master Key System. By signing up for the HAM newsletter you can follow Monique Pambrun's commentary on each of the Parts of the system. By signing up, you also receive the first chapter of my e-book, Take Charge of Midlife and Beyond: 52 Ideas and Activities. Dr. Frank

Feb 12, Take control of your mind: combating mindlessness

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 20:40:39 -0500
In my January 14 blog post, I talked about John Kobel, his website, and his 4 Weeks to Freedom Course. Last week, I started the course and began to understand the extent to which we are responsible for everything that happens in our life, all our situations and circumstances. What is so powerful about John Kobel's course is not so much the valuable insights that John shares, but the practice and contemplation exercises that participants agree to do daily. In fact, it is a life-long commitment to taking control of your conscious mind and combating mindlessness. John compares the daily mental exercises to the daily physical exercises one would do to enhance one's health. John's focused contemplative exercises relate to the mindfulness exercises that Mark Muesse recommends in his video course, Practicing Mindfulness: An Introduction to Meditation. The course offered by the Teaching Company - now known as The Great Courses - focuses on mindfulness and meditation. When you go to the site, type in the word "mindfulness" in the search box on the upper right. Here is how Muesse defines mindlessness:
A mental state in which the mind generates a constant swirl of remarks and judgments that create a barrier of words and images that separate people from their lives. This condition makes it difficult to be mindful - or attentive - to life's experiences.
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See my February 11 guest blog post on the difference between spirituality and religion on Dr. Toni LaMotta's marvelous blog, Midlife Messages. Dr. Frank

Feb 10, The Meaning of Spiritual Growth

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 09:53:06 -0500
Guest post by Dr. Toni LaMotta "Can you tell me who made you?" the pastor asked the small boy. The youngster thought a moment. Then he looked up at the pastor and said, "God made part of me." "What do you mean, part of you?" asked the pastor. "Well," answered the boy, "God made me little. I grew the rest myself." "Growing the rest" is a lifetime job for everyone What is spiritual growth anyway? How do we know it is happening? When I reached midlife, I began to understand that life is not about setting goals and succeeding - but it is all about significance. We know we are growing spiritually when we get up every day glad to be alive and living on purpose and when our lives are filled with ways in which we know we are making a difference. William James once said, "Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does." When of the best way to help give spiritual support for the midlife transition is to teach people to answer the question: What does it mean to make a difference? People make a difference by thinking of problems in the world -- whether across the globe or right in their own backyards -- and then find ways to become part of the solution of those problems There are three aspects of making a difference: First, with self, then with family & community, and finally with the world. "Build a better world," said God. And I asked how? The world is such a vast place and so complicated now. I am small and useless. What can I do? God in all his wisdom said, "Just build a better you." I truly believe that the important thing you can do for yourself or anyone else is to be happy. Happiness expert Dr. Robert Holden has some advice on how to live a more satisfying life. Dr. Holden says the key to being happy is overcoming "destination addiction," which he defines as "living in the not-now." "It's always about tomorrow, so you're chasing 'more,' 'next' and 'there,'" he says. "You promise yourself that when you get there, you'll be happy. And I promise you, you won't, because you'll always set another destination to go for." Instead, Dr. Holden says if you are unhappy with your life there are two things you can do. "We have to learn to let go of our past, we have to give up all hopes for a perfect past. Let the past go, it's gone." After that, he says, "Take a vow of kindness. Be kinder to yourself and to others. "It's never too late to be happy," he says and it's never too late to begin making a difference in the lives of those with whom we share this planet. Click below for more from Dr. Toni, The Midlife Mentor.

Feb 8, The Power of Smiling

Wed, 8 Feb 2012 09:35:17 -0500
Over a 100 years ago, Elbert Hubbard wrote:
Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do; and then, without veering off direction, you will move straight to the goal. Keep your mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do, and then, as the days go gliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are required for the fulfillment of your desire.
Your dentist may also believe in the power of smiling. Alisa, Outreach Director, at TopDentists.com in New York City sent me this piece yesterday.
As you know and research shows, in life, the key to improving morale, boosting self-esteem and conveying confidence is to show off a bright, white smile so we think this contest and the chance to win a professional teeth whitening session with our Top Dentist in New York City (and more) would really interest the readers at happiness-after-midlife.com. The contest goes from now until February 24th. In addition to the big NYC grand prize, there are daily prizes and chances to win teeth whitenings in selected local areas!
Dr. Frank

Feb 6, People Serving People

Mon, 6 Feb 2012 07:58:15 -0500
There is memorable exchange in the film, Peaceful Warrior, when Socrates, the mysterious zen-type teacher, says to Dan Millman, that he doesn't just pump gas but rather offers service to people. For some, offering service and value to others is one way of being happy and fulfilled. I'd like to highlight the work of some remarkable people I came into contact with last week who are devoted to serving others. - Susyn Reeves, self-esteem expert and a regular contributor to HAM, is dedicated to showing us how to be fulfilled and joyful. Susyn is offering a workshop this spring entitled The Inspired Life: Unleashing Your Mind's Capacity for Joy. In collaboration with Mary Angela Buffo, she is offering the workshop between April 29 - May 1 at the Kripalu Center for Health and Yoga in the Berkshire Mountains of western Massachusetts. For more about the Kripalu Center, click here. - Joe Wasylyk, author of Encore! Encore! Seniors (50 plus) as Entrepreneurs: Their Time Has Come, is devoted to assisting midlifers and beyond become first-time entrepreneurs. At the beginning of his book, Joe writes, "It seems like people are losing control of their own financial well being. I wrote this book to sound the alarm and find a business model that could help seniors regain control of their hard-earned financial resources - leading to a creative, productive, and prosperous retirement." For more about Joe, click here. - John Kobel, esoteric teacher and creator of the 4 Weeks to Freedom Program, is committed to guiding us create our own reality. He offers 100% value and results to participants in his course. I'll be writing more about John's course later in the week, as I begin his program tomorrow. For more about John, click here. Dr. Frank

Feb 3, Update on Happiness After Midlife

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 13:47:46 -0500
Here is the latest news from HAM.

Shifting gears at midlife: Creating an extraordinary future, by Dr. Fred Horowitz and Dr. Frank Bonkowski, is now available at a Special Winter Discount. It is a lively, compelling multimedia e-course. To read some sparkling testimonials about the e-course and to experience a free demo, click here. Get the e-course now to profit from the special discount.

Discover Your Confidence: A Journey to a More Confident Me, by Monique Pambrun, will be available by the end of the month. It is a remarkable multimedia e-course, filled with a solid content and motivating instructional activities. To find out more about the course and to see the free demo, click here.

Money and Midlife, a new website I was aiming to launch in January, is on hold at the moment. I have my hands full with Happiness After Midlife. However, I'll still be writing about money matters on this website.

Dr. Frank

Jan 31, Balanced Abundance

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 21:10:00 -0500
My colleague, Berel Weiner, "The Bilingual Coach for Francophone Entrepreneurs," sent me these words of wisdom. For Berel, the intersection of life and business is where we find what we are all looking for: Balanced Abundance or optimal success and happiness Stephen Covey, author
"Between what happens to us and our response to it is a space. In that space lies our freedom, growth, and happiness." Daniel Ek, CEO, Spotify
Figure out what the top five most important stuff is, focus relentlessly on that and keep iterating. Less is more. Dennis Crowley, CEO, FourSquare
Don’t let people tell you your ideas won’t work. If you have a hunch that something will work, go build it. Ignore the haters. Sarah Prevette, Founder, Sprouter
Just do it. Get it out there, absorb the feedback, adjust accordingly, hustle like hell, persevere and never lose your swagger. Click below for more quotes. Dr. Frank