Easy50Plus Blog

Oct 17, In Profile Steven Bleau

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 00:56:44 GMT

Name: Steven Bleau

Business description:
I am the Director of Educational Projects for a strategic training consulting firm called Studio 7 Communications. My job is part training, part project management. Companies come to me when their employees are not performing as expected. I create a training strategy that fits within the companys overall approach. I am actively involved in created the training, but also oversee a team of talented experts that will bring the course to life. In my current project, I am working with a graphic designer, a photographer, two actors and a reviewer. My job is gratifying as I get to start near the beginning. Then I can build a vision and bring it to life.

Website: Studio7web.ca

What are you passionate about most?
You know, I could answer almost all of these questions by talking about my family. But I will keep that answer just to this one. I have three girls, 11, 8 and 2 who are the apple of my eye. My wife and I are deeply involved in their lives and I am proud of how they are developing. What are you proud of most?
I am proudest of returning to school in my 40s and successfully obtaining an advanced degree in Instructional Design. At first, the program declined my application because, well, lets just say that I was not the best student at the Bachelors level. However, I battled hard until I was finally accepted and graduated with a GPA of over 4.00! Find out more about Steven by clicking on the link. Leave a comment. Dr. Frank

Oct 16, Special Sunday Edition: Salute to Joffre Patenaude

Sun, 16 Oct 2011 14:43:29 GMT

There are some people who leave an indelible mark on your life. One such person in my life is Joffre Patenaude, an Early Bird friend of mine. We used to swim together at the interior and exterior Saint-Lambert swimming pools at 6:00 a.m. After a long, wonderful life, Joffre passed away quietly this week at age 96. For a simple, humble man, he left a remarkable impression on everyone who knew him. He was one of the most positive persons I ever met. Ill always remember him for recommending The Miracle of Right Thought by Orison Swett Marden. He would keep the book at his bedside table and refer to it often, especially when he was feeling down or discouraged. Reading from the book would pick up his spirits immediately. One of his favorite chapters was The Crime of the Blues. Here are some quotes from it: The man who can smile when everything seems to go against him shows that he is made of winning material, for no ordinary man can do this. You have no more right to go about among your fellows with a vinegary expression on your face, radiating mental poison, spreading the germs of doubt, fear, discouragement, and despondency upon them, than you have to inflict bodily injuries. You have no more right to poison other peoples happiness than their bodies. Make a strenuous effort to radiate joy and gladness to everybody about you. Farewell Joffre. Dr. Frank

Oct 14, In Touch with Larry - aspiring young musician

Fri, 14 Oct 2011 01:31:26 GMT

Learn about the dreams and ambitions of young people like Larry, an aspiring young musician who has a dream. Name: Larry
Age: 19
Field of Study: Music (Bass player) What are you passionate about most?
I am of course passionate about music since its what I want to do with my life. The greatest thing for me is being able to step in any kind of musical situation and interact with other musicians. It is one of lifes most rewarding experiences. I am also passionate by modern history. I think that history is the thing that keeps me sane. When I got too much on my mind, or when I working too much in my music, I will break from it all with my other interests like history. What are you proud of most?
I am really proud of the level of bass playing I achieved. Ive been playing for about three years and Im proud to say that I can really compare myself to much more experienced players. What is your biggest challenge?
It is sometimes said that studying music is an everlasting struggle. So for me the biggest challenge in my life is to wake up every morning and be able to still be excited about music. Its hard to keep yourself motivated in music. Its a hard to maintain the discipline and drive to practice every day. But so far, most would say that I am doing okay! What is your dream?
My dream would be to be an all around good bass player and be able to make a life out of it. I sometimes say as a joke that I would like to play with my musical heroes like saxophone player Joshua Redman or pianist Aaron Parks. I guess it is my dream, but I am too rational to say it out loud. For more about Larry's favorite websites and books, click on the link. Dr. Frank

Oct 12, Participate in the Semi-Local Business Survey

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 00:54:36 GMT

If you run a small business, Small Business, Big Vision and Firepole Marketing invite you to participate in their Semi-Local Business Survey. The survey is an opportunity for the growing semi-local business community to understand more about the members and dynamics of the group. Semi-local businesses have 0-10 employees and do some or most of their business locally. They also do some work that is location independent and are very interested in growing their business online. What industries are these businesses focused around? How do they balance the demands of their various business lines? What proportion of their business is local, and proportion is location independent? How much money do they make? Are there mostly local or virtual employees? The survey is meant to gather real data (instead of just speculation) about these questions and more. The data will help people who are interested in making this sort of transition understand what is really involved. There's no offer here, and nothing for sale - they just want to gather the data and make it available to the community. You have until October 14 to complete the Survey. Dr. Frank

Oct 10, In Profile: Berel Weiner

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 02:23:52 GMT

Name: Berel Weiner Business description: I am a passionate teacher, networker and inter-personal communication coach. My clients come to me:
To become stronger face-to-face communicators in their first or second language (English or French).
Because they need more clarity, charisma and confidence to get the impact they want when they talk.
Because they feel there is a GAP between where they are and where they would like to be. I use a proprietary coaching method of mine that allows people to uncover hidden judgments, false beliefs and sub-conscious programming that prevents them from getting to the next level. Contact: bweiner3@videotron.ca What are you passionate about most?
Networking and Teaching, inspiring and empowering people to see how powerful and great they already are. What are you proud of most?
The magic I created at a camp where I was director for 11 years. This was accomplished by hiring and training my staff to think outside the box. What is your biggest challenge?
Finding opportunities where my teaching, networking and interpersonal communication skills can be best used to help millions of people. What do you do for fun?
I love to sing, read and meet new interesting people. What is your dream?
To start or join an existing foundation or non-profit organization where my passion for teaching, networking and optimizing human communication can be put to best use. What do you want to be remembered for most?
Being altruistic, insightful and wise. What are your two favorite websites?
TED talks and YouTube. What are your two favorite non-fiction books?
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment and
The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types.

Oct 7, In Touch with Jean

Fri, 07 Oct 2011 01:05:09 GMT

I find that staying in touch with young adults keeps me young in mind and heart. Name: Jean
Age: 19
Field of Study: Natural Sciences What are you passionate about most?
I am most passionate about philosophy and art, as the former teachers me about myself and the world, including regards as to how to enjoy such things, while the latter brings me that very enjoyment in the beauty of fascination to be found in all things, from literature to music, including painting, drawing, philosophy, mathematics, natural sciences, cultures, natural phenomena, and so on. What are you proud of most?
I would not say I am most proud of anything, but rather mostly proud of everything. What is your biggest challenge?
My biggest challenge is not to sound like a pretentious and obnoxious brat when writing such things as is found in the two paragraphs preceding this one. The challenge is that of humility - or the appearance of humility, as I do consider myself humble, but rather of a misunderstood type, since while I may be humble in regards to myself, I can't be humble looking at the fascinating world around me. What is your dream?
My dream, if one rather than just a plan is to complete higher studies - read Ph.D. - in mathematics and philosophy, i.e. artificial intelligence, and, afterwards, exile myself to some lesser-known countries. There, I could teach youth of their worth, and to think critically, while myself learning the customs of overlooked cultures - all of which I am sure have many new things to teach - as well as taking time to develop clearer thoughts and beliefs before I pass. For more about Jeans favorite websites and non-fiction books, click on the link. Dr. Frank

Oct 5, In Focus: Nina Price`s Favorites

Wed, 05 Oct 2011 01:48:20 GMT

Here are two of Nina Price's favorite websites and non-fiction books: Favorite websites I'm not sure whether these are my absolute favorites, but they are really interesting and fun: How many of me - you can find out how many people share your name or a particular name. Sudoku puzzle - if you love Sudoku puzzles and haven't tried these - you're missing out. Favorite non-fiction books: One of Andrew Weil's earliest books called Health and Healing made a big impression on me. It's kind of a guide to most kinds of alternative healing. My favorite chapters discuss the placebo effect ("Why Warts Fall Off" and "The Placebo Response"). I also like the beginning of the book where he tells a story of his own experience with a mystery illness that was ultimately healed with homeopathy when nothing else had worked. Gabriel Cousens' book Conscious Eating also made a big impression on me and inspired me to try eating primarily raw foods the first time. Even though I loved the book, my first attempt at adopting a raw food lifestyle ended up in a very bad case of bronchitis. As a result I decided that going raw was too cold for my constitution. This past year I cautiously did a raw food cleanse - and loved it. I'm still not a vegetarian although I'm closer to being 50-60 raw now. Dr. Frank

Oct 3, In Profile - Nina Price

Mon, 03 Oct 2011 00:54:08 GMT

Name: Nina Price Business description:
Nina is a licensed acupuncturist, speaker, teacher, radio personality, business and wellness coach. She helps people over 40 push the reset button on their health and the rest of their lives, so that they can have Midlife Without Crisis. Websites:
Cracking the Midlife Code
Midlife without Crisis
Nina Price What are you passionate about most?
Catalyzing change. I love to help my clients make changes that will improve their health and their lives. When I can ask a question that helps a client to see things differently and then make some changes - I'm thrilled. When I make a suggestion and a client follows it and sees big results - it makes my day. At heart I'm a creative problem solver. I like to create change or help others to create change so that whatever is being changed can be improved. What are you proud of most?
My daughters and grand daughters: outstanding young women who know it's okay not only to have big dreams, but to pursue them. My older daughter is a large animal veterinarian. During her last year of high school she decided that she wanted to be a large animal veterinarian which surprised our family - she had never mentioned anything like this before. By the time she finished veterinary school nine years later she was married and had two children. She persevered, never lost sight of her goal and achieved her dream. My younger daughter and a friend decided to write and produce a feature length film. They've written the script, raised money, recruited a cast and crew, and are now filming. I'm sure that they'll complete this project and if all goes as planned you'll get to see the film once it's completed. You can even see a short clip. My grand daughters are still dreaming up their big dreams but I have no doubt that they'll pursue them. What is your biggest challenge?
There are never enough hours in the day... What is your dream?
My dream is to be a household word. What do you want to be remembered for most?
For helping at least one generation of people to successfully navigate the changes and challenges of midlife.

Sep 30, Letting go

Fri, 30 Sep 2011 00:32:22 GMT

My two previous posts, which dealt with persistence and three barriers to fulfillment were formulated out of a context of letting go and being complete. By complete, I don't mean finished. Something can be finished (brought to an end), yet not complete (lacking no component parts; full; whole; entire). A marriage may be ended (finished), as in divorce, yet there are most likely things that were not said and emotions that are still present. All this to say, as Dr. Frank shared with you last week, that I'm disengaging from my partnership with him and running happiness-after-midlife.com. It's time for me to move on. I've given this considerable thought and have consulted with people I respect about my being stuck- on the thinking or rational side, to continue; on the heart level and intuitive side, to stop. I've chosen to stop. And it feels right. This is familiar territory for me as I've gone through a number of major transitions- from giving up dentistry after almost 10 years of practice to resigning from BNI (Business Network International) as a member and director after 12 years of participation. I have no regrets, resentments or feelings of remorse. The ride in creating an online information business with Dr. Frank as well as others has been very enriching. I've had the privilege of working/playing with "mensches"- (people of integrity and honor). To translate what I'm going through in transition terms is that I've just entered into the three phases of transition according to (a href="http://www.happiness-after-midlife.com/midlife-transitions.html" target="_blank">William Bridges- 1. Ending, losing, letting go - letting go of old patterns and ways of being. This is a phase where people are dealing with loss. 2. The Neutral Zone - the old is gone and the new way isn't fully integrated. It's like the "gap" that a trapeze artist experiences when they let go of one trapeze and haven't yet grasped the next one. 3. The New Beginning - coming out of the in-between time, the "gap." People are in a place where they can recreate themselves and create a new future for themselves. I'm confident that with Dr. Frank's commitment, enthusiasm and persistence, he will continue offering valuable resources. In the future, I may be contributing to this site in different ways. - Dr. Fred

Sep 29, What will cost you fulfillment?

Thu, 29 Sep 2011 00:11:17 GMT

I'm a fan of the unique points of view on personal development and fulfillment offered by Contegrity Program Designs. "By fulfillmet, we mean those times in life when we have a sense of deep resonance and connection to what life is all about - where we are "filled with life." Fulfillment points toward a better fit with life, a greater access to power, and a higher level of freedom than what we usually think of as happiness, satisfaction or success. Working directly on fulfillment also lets us recognize the harmony between what is fulfilling for us, for others, and for life, in a way that begins to dissolve the notion of a personally separate happiness." They suggest that the three R's of remorse, resentment, and regret will cost you fulfillment- that they are "ploys to use the past as a defense against the risk of development." Regret- an emotion associated with wishing something in the past never happened, something you did that you wish you'd didn't do. To regret something is to experience that emotion. Resentment- indignation or ill will felt as a result of a real or imagined grievance. Remorse- moral anguish arising from repentance for past misdeeds; bitter regret. When we find ourselves experiencing these ways of being, we're taken away from the present- we're stuck in the past. There's no creation here. No new future. The access point for development and fulfillment is "playing the ball where it lies"- in other words, starting at a place where you are- with yourself, others and your situation in life and bringing true acceptance to yourself, others and your situation. Check out this presentation by the spiritual teacher, Pema Chodron as she talks about acceptance and compassion...

- Dr. Fred

Sep 28, "The truth" about persistence and success

Wed, 28 Sep 2011 01:26:31 GMT

"You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away, know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table, There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done." - Kenny Rogers song Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.- Albert Einstein In the self-help, personal development and business success domains, there's a notion, a platitude that the secret to success is being persistent- staying on particular path until one reaches their goal. Strongly spoken, it sounds like... "Winners never lose and losers never win." It's true that our culture is addicted to short term and easy results. As George Leonard says in his book, Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment, the key to mastery in any arena is being willing to stay on "the plateau," a period of time in which it appears little or no progress is being made. In my life as well as my experience in coaching many midlife small business owners, the "persistence formula" can be a formula for failure. "So, what do you want to be when you grow up? That question may appear a little trite, but think about it for a moment. Are you--right now--who you want to be, what you dreamed you'd be, doing what you always wanted to do? Be honest. Sometimes people find themselves achieving victories that are empty--successes that have come at the expense of things that were far more valuable to them. If your ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step you take gets you to the wrong place faster."- Steven Covey This subject is especially important for those of us who are midlifers and beyond who are considering new ways, new expressions of work that will bring them maximum fulfillment and rewards. Check out the book, The Dip: A Little Book That Teaches You When to Quit (and When to Stick) by Seth Godin. - Dr. Fred

Sep 27, Update on Happiness After Midlife

Tue, 27 Sep 2011 02:40:34 GMT

First, the Nancy Andersion interview will now be published tomorrow, Wednesday, September 28 rather than in October as previously mentioned. Nancy Anderson is the author of Work with Passion in Midlife and Beyond: Reach Your Full Potential and Make the Money You Need. Nancy says that midlife is the best time to find your perfect niche. She describes succinctly the seven-step process she has developed for midlifers and beyond. It is an approach that assists them in understanding who they are and what they value in life. She explains how she developed the process in working with hundreds of clients and uses stories to bring to life different stages of the process. It begins with identifying your basic fears and ends with finding your perfect nice. Second, yesterday I had the pleasure of speaking with Nina Price, a midlife crisis prevention expert and author of 5 Strategies For Staying Employed In Today's Economy. We had a delightful conversation about her healthy life-style formula and her brand new series called Cracking the Midlife Code: Secrets to having an amazing, healthy, energetic, midlife body and life! Ninas interview will appear in mid-October as the revised HAM website moves to monthly podcast interviews. Third, I look forward to launching a new HAM WordPress blog on the revised HAM website in October as well. Ill be introducing three new weekly series on the HAM blog: - In Profile - short sketches of notable midlifers and beyond: their accomplishments, aspirations, things they do for fun and learning, and the legacy they want to leave. - In Focus - favorite websites and non-fiction books mentioned by notable midlifers and beyond to nourish their mind, heart and soul. - In Touch - short sketches of young adults as a way for midlifers and beyond of keeping in touch with the younger generation. Join me for the ride! It should be fun. I look forward to getting your comments and thoughts. Dr. Frank

Sep 26, The inspired life

Mon, 26 Sep 2011 01:04:05 GMT

Susyn Reeve is a regular contributor to HAM with a dozen articles published ranging from positive affirmations to happiness and increased mind power. She is a self esteem expert and the accomplished author of The Inspired Life: Unleashing Your Minds Capacity for Joy; Choose Peace and Happiness: A 52-Week Guide; The Gift of the Acorn, and co-author of How to Build Your Self Esteem and The Mind Manual System. I was pleased that Susyn asked me recently to write about "the inspired life" and very touched that she wrote this about me: Do you know how there are some people who get who you are immediately and then become your cheerleaders? Frank Bonkowski is one of my cheerleaders and he inspires me to do my best. We met through cyberspace when he contacted me via my Self Esteem Experts website. We clicked. His work focusing on Happiness After Midlife spoke to me since this is certainly my goal personally and professionally! Heres what Frank shared with me about living an inspired life: Susyn: What does living an inspired life mean to you? Frank: Susyn, I want to thank you for asking me this question. I had never thought before about living an inspired life or what it actually meant. So the first thing I did was look up the meaning of inspired in the dictionary. According to Dictionary.com, it means aroused, animated, or imbued with the spirit to do something, by or as if by supernatural or divine influence. An example would be an inspired poet. I then started thinking about my own inspired life one that is animated or imbued with the spirit to do something - in connection with all the people and ideas that have inspired me to be a better person, a better teacher, a better parent, and a better communicator. . . For the full article, click on the link. Dr. Frank

Sep 23, Midlife boredom

Fri, 23 Sep 2011 01:04:58 GMT

"In the middle of the journey of our life
I found myself in a dark wood,
for the straight way was lost.
Ah how hard to say what a harsh
thing was
that wood savage and rough and hard
that to think about it renews the fear!" - Dante - The Inferno

"Boredom is the gateway to peace."

- Thomas Leonard Most of the small business owners I've coached over the years are running on adrenaline. They're run by busyness and get hooked by the energy rush of getting things done. They're on automatic pilot- strangers to themselves. As they enter the midlife years and beyond, they start to wake up and look at their lives- where they've been, where they are now and where they're going. Often. they've lost the zest for life- they're going through the motions. Typically they tell me they're bored- boarding on a low grade depression. Barbara Moses, PH.D, a career expert and best selling author speaks to midlife boredom in this video presentation...

Sep 22, Stroke of insight

Thu, 22 Sep 2011 02:04:46 GMT

In 1991, my father experienced what was initially diagnosed as a mild stroke- it wasn't. It was a major one. After three years of being trapped in his body, unable to fully communicate and partially paralyzed, he died. A couple of years ago, my mother, now 91 suffered a mild stroke and heart attack. This time, they were truly mild, however, she's been left with some dementia- confusion and partial memory loss. In the present moment, she's quite sharp. She's been demonstrating some inspiring resilience in adapting to the senior residence where she's been living for the last three months. She has a positive attitude, is the life of the party with the other residents because of her sense of humour and excellent piano playing. She tackles crossword puzzles and plays scrabble almost every day. My parent's experience of stroke reminds me of one of the most inspiring Ted Talks of Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a Harvard-trained neuroanatomist sharing her "stroke of insight."

- Dr. Fred

Sep 21, Service Beyond Self

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 01:43:27 GMT

I appreciated the article, "Serving from Spirit" from the Second Journey website. Service to the greater good- service to Spirit- has been a core value in the ancient philosophies of China, India, Palestine and Greece. During the last 50 years, there's been voices urging that we commit to this higher service. Will the baby boomers take on the call to serve humanity?

"What boomers left undone in their youth, they will return to take up in their maturity, if for no other reason than because they will want to make old age interesting. Just as the Dutch have won land back from the sea, we have won years back from death. That gives us the grand project of using those extra years to build a culture that is morally remarkable."

- Theodore Roszak Roger Walsh, who has spent nearly a quarter century researching and practicing in the worlds great spiritual traditions offers four down-to-Earth and reassuring insights to inform our service to Spirit:

The discovery of our spiritual service is a process. Thinking we should know what to do is a trap of the mind. It takes time, he reminds us, to discover and then make our own specific contribution.
We each have a unique answer to the question What can I do? because we each have unique skills, life experiences, and different spheres of influence.
Moreover, we are human. We can only do so much and must acknowledge our existential limits. Serving from spirit is best thought of as a long-distance marathon.
Finally, Walsh suggests we ask, Whats the most strategic contribution I can make? To think about this he gives us a splendid metaphor: the tiny trim tab found on the three-story-tall rudder of any 747 jet airliner. Rather than change the course of the plane by shifting the big rudder, the pilot employs the little trim tab. The trim tab questions for those seeking to serve from Spirit might be, Where can I stand, what can I do to have the most influence?

Those of us who are midlifers and beyond have an enormous opportunity to be change agents from a place of service that can impact the social, economic, and political landscape of human consciousness. What are we doing? What are we waiting for? - Dr. Fred

Sep 20, Update on Happiness After Midlife

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 01:36:14 GMT

Here is the latest news from HAM this week. Dr. Fred will be leaving Happiness After Midlife at the end of September to pursue other ventures. It is been a privilege to have co-founded HAM with Dr. Fred in September of 2008. Over the last two and a half years, he has generously shared his knowledge and wisdom with HAM followers: the free e-book, 25 Reflections on a Happier Midlife and Beyond, his articles, blog posts and the many midlife expert interviews we did together. I think it is fair to say that his ideas on positive aging for midlifers and beyond and living the created life have been an inspiration to all of us. I am also honoured to have developed two publications with Dr. Fred: the five-week interactive multimedia e-course, Shifting Gears at Midlife: Creating an Extraordinary Future and the audio program, Breaking Free at Midlife: Building Wealth through your Small Business. I highly recommend that you examine each of the products to see the value they offer. I wish Dr. Fred happiness and success in his new endeavours. Lets now look to the future. HAM will be taking a new direction in October 2011 with a revised look to the website and a new focus on helping midlifers and beyond discover the best years of their life. Ill continue bringing you informative and relevant blog posts, expert articles, and podcasts. Ill be focusing on five key areas: Finances, Health & Fitness, Lifestyle Design, Midlife Career Change, and Well being & Success, all areas of vital concern to me as well as to most midlifers and beyond I speak to. Ill be regularly adding to HAM online courses, webinars, news about Montreal-based live courses and conferences, and resources in the five key areas mentioned above. Eventually I plan on offering a series of learning programs for midlifers and beyond. Im looking forward to this new adventure with your support and participation. I guarantee that you will discover the best years of your life. Dr. Frank

Sep 19, Moving beyond the midlife crisis

Mon, 19 Sep 2011 00:13:58 GMT

Last week Janet Cranford, a colleague of mine, sent me an article by Douglas LaBier of the Center For Progressive Development about midlife fears. The article presents in nutshell our thinking at Happiness After Midlife. Entitled Can you break through midlife fears of loss and change?, the text presents a positive view of aging affirming that it is indeed possible to live a energized, engaged and positive midlife and beyond. LaBier notes that midlifers and beyond are often faced with feelings of loss, regret and fears of change. . . This mentality paralyzes their capacity for consciously-created actions, ones that can generate renewed energy, creativity and engagement in the period of life were now living through. In contrast, LaBier has found that the most energized, engaged and positive midlife men and women are characterized by the following: - they identify with new actions, new risks and new possibilities to stretch forward... - focus their energies and intent on meaningful and lasting values and preoccupations. - See themselves as the author of their own life rather than a character in story written by others. This is the very message behind the five-week interactive multimedia e-course, Shifting Gears at Midlife: Creating an Extraordinary Future that Dr. Fred and I created. Id like to remind you that Janet Cranford is a career change and life transition coach. She helps people in midlife and beyond rediscover their dreams and create meaningful work that fits who they are now. Sign up for Janets monthly Chart Your Path newsletter covering topics such as career discovery and work alternatives. Click on the link for LaBiers article. Dr. Frank

Sep 16, Death & Life

Fri, 16 Sep 2011 01:12:36 GMT

"You cannot be frightened of the unknown because you do not know what the unknown is and so there is nothing to be afraid of. Death is a word, and it is the word, the image, that creates fear. So can you look at death without the image of death? As long as the image exists from which springs thought, thought must always create fear. Then you either rationalize your fear of death and build a risistance against the inevitable or you invent innumerable beliefs to protect you from the fear of death. Hence there is a gap between you and the thing of which you are afraid. In this time-space interval there must be conflict which is fear, anxiety and self-pity. Thought, which breeds the fear of death, says, 'Let's postpone it, let's avoid it, keep it as far away as possible, let's not think about it'- but you are thinking about it. When you say, 'I won't think about it', you have already thought out how to avoid it. You are frightened of death because you have postponed it. We have separated living from dying, and the interval between the living and the dying is fear. That interval, that time, is created by fear. Living is our daily torture, daily insult, sorrow and confusion, with occasional opening of a window over enchanted seas. That is what we call living, and we are afraid to die, which is to end this misery. We would rather cling to the known than face the unknown - the known being our house, our furniture, our family, our character, our work, our knowledge, our fame, our loneliness, our gods - that little thing that moves around incessantly within itself with its own limited pattern of embittered existence. We think that living is always in the present and that dying is something that awaits us at a distant time. But we have never questioned whether this battle of everyday life is living at all. We want to know the truth about reincarnation, we want proof of the survival of the soul, we listen to the assertion of clairvoyants and to the conclusions of psychical research, but we never ask, never, how to live - to live with delight, with enchantment, with beauty every day. We have accepted life as it is with all its agony and despair and have got used to it, and think of death as something to be carefully avoided. But death is extraordinarily like the life we know how to live. You cannot live without dying. You cannot live if you do not die psychologically every minute. This is not an intellectual paradox. To live completely, wholly, every day as if it were a new loveliness, there must be dying to everything of yesterday, otherwise you live mechanically, and a mechanical mind can never know what love is or what freedom is." - Krishnamurti What's your relationship to death? - Dr. Fred

Sep 15, A Complaint Free World

Thu, 15 Sep 2011 01:05:24 GMT

The other day I was having lunch with a friend and I noticed a purple-coloured band on one of his wrists. He told me that he's participating in a program based on the website A Complaint Free World, in which he's monitoring his complaining, gossiping and criticizing. Every time he notices anyone of these, he moves the band to the other wrist. The goal is to go 21 consecutive days without complaining or switching the bracelets. In his book A Complaint Free World: How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted, Will Bowen writes... "Complaining is talking about things you do not want rather than what you do want. When we complain, we are using words to focus on things that are not as we would like. Our thoughts create our lives and our words indicate what we are thinking. Put another way: 'What you Articulate, you Demonstrate!'" The vision of the A Complaint Free World is... "We envision a positive shift in our world's consciousness. We see a day when people focus on and speak about what they desire things to be rather than complaining about how things are. We will provide Complaint Free purple bracelets and inspiration such that 60 million people (1 of the world's population) leave the toxic communication of complaining behind and experience an internal shift toward being more positive, hopeful and optimistic. Every day, people interact with dozens if not hundreds of others. Our helping shift the attitudes of as little as 1 of humanity cannot help but have a ripple effect which will become a cascade of positivity around the world bringing about greater harmony, understanding, prosperity and peace." To date,8,456,812 bracelets have been sold! In the appropriate context, complaining and criticizing work. There is what is referred to as a "grounded complaint," in which someone (speaker) makes a promise to someone (listener) and doesn't fulfill it. In this case, the idea is for the listener to "call" the speaker on not following through. About 15 years ago, I took on a commitment not to gossip (not speak about others when they're not present, whether in a negative or positive way). I've done pretty well in this regard and sometimes I've found it's befitting to speak about others. I need more practice in the not complaining department. How about you? Dr. Fred

Sep 14, Do self-help resources add to the quality of life?

Wed, 14 Sep 2011 01:09:23 GMT

Dr. Frank and I have written on the self-help industry, which is huge. We're questioning whether what we're providing through our website falls within that domain. Our intention is to distinguish ourselves from self-help by not providing fast answers, recipes or formulas. What we're providing is an inquiry and exploration of what it takes to lead a fulfilling (happy) life. The context of our work is more wisdom-based than information-based. Wikipedia defines self help (self improvement) as ""self-guided improvementeconomically, intellectually, or emotionallyoften with a substantial psychological basis. Self-help often takes place on the basis of self-reliance, of publicly available information, or of support groups where people in similar situations join together."" The main criticism of self-help is that it refers particularly to psychological or psychotherapeutic nostrums, purveyed through ""self-help"" books and self-help personal development movements. Paul Pearsall has written a provocative book, The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need, in which he offers a questionnaire to his readers. They're asked to agree or disagree with some popular notions of the self-help industry. Here are a few: * Do you think youre happier than people living in Calcutta?
* Would the people who know you best say youre a joy to live and work with?
* Do you laugh hard enough everyday that tears come from your eyes?
* Do you sit around doing nothing several times a day?
* Have you given up on all self-improvement and diet programs?
* Are you free of the nagging of health terrorism and indulging yourself?
* Are you less than you can be and proud of it?
* Has your outer elder finally replaced your whining inner child?
I like the way he assesses the responses "The more yes answers, the more likely it is that youre savoring your life rather than constantly striving to fix it." Well, he's being quite contrarian. He suggests that what's often passed as ""the truth"" isn't based on strong scientific evidence. What I'm saying is that we don't need to buy into the self-help platitudes. We need to be more discriminating and discover what's true for us. There are self-help books and programs that I've taken that I've found very valuable. It's a question of what value we can extract from these resources. - Dr. Fred

Sep 13, Update on Happiness-After-Midlife

Tue, 13 Sep 2011 00:30:10 GMT

Here is an update on recent happenings at HAM. First, Aleks Srbinoski, success and happiness psychologist, will appear tomorrow, September 14, in the 67th HAM interview in the midlife expert interview series. Aleks is founder of the new online radio show, The Fulfilling Happiness Edge. A specialist in authentic happiness, he shares his unique blend of being simple, having fun, and engaging in experiential learning to achieve success and happiness. Second, my colleague Susyn Reeve asked me to write about what living an inspired life means to me. Here is part of what I wrote: Susyn, I want to thank you for asking me this question. I had never thought before about living an inspired life or what it actually meant. So the first thing I did was look up the meaning of inspired in the dictionary. According to Dictionary.com, it means aroused, animated, or imbued with the spirit to do something, by or as if by supernatural or divine influence. An example would be an inspired poet. I then started thinking about my own inspired life one that is animated or imbued with the spirit to do something - in connection with all the people and ideas that have inspired me. Later Ill mention some of the people in my life that have enabled me to become a better person, a better teacher, a better parent, and a better communicator. Be sure to look for the full article on Susyns website. Third, I had an informative interview today with Nancy Anderson on midlife career transition. Nancy is a career and life consultant in the San Francisco Bay Area and the author of the best selling career guide, Work with Passion in Midlife and Beyond: Reach Your Full Potential and Make the Money You Need. She clearly describes the seven-step process she uses in her consulting. First, identify your fears. Second, simplify your life. Third, rewrite your life script. Fourth, recognize your passion clues. Fifth, identify your strengths, values and needs. Sixth, set realistic goals. Seventh, find your perfect niche. The interview will appear on October 12, 2011. Dr. Frank

Sep 12, Whats your ideal place to live?

Mon, 12 Sep 2011 00:37:00 GMT

The other day I was having lunch with some friends and we were talking about interesting places to visit or live. I mentioned Mexico and Nancy immediately commented, Isnt there a lot of violence down there? I retorted, Its certainly played up in the media. Gary mentioned that next week he was off to Colombia for a series of conferences in Bogot and Medellin. He was visiting Santa Marta for a few days between talks. He was scared about getting malaria and other diseases. I said, I recently spent a week in Cartagena, just down the coast from Santa Marta, and I survived quite nicely. Its amazing how easy it is to come up with misconceptions about places, people and organizations from bad press. International Living, one of my favourite magazines and websites, has just published its 2011 Global Retirement Index of the best 23 places to live outside the United States and Canada. Would you believe that Mexico is second on the list? How about Colombia, my preferred destination between mid-December and mid-May in the coming years? It rated 15th on the list. And what about the top country this year? Ecuador can boast about that achievement. How did International Living arrive at these ratings? It used eight different categories (percentages refer to weightings given) ranging from cost of living (20), health care (20), special benefits (20) and real estate (15) to entertainment, recreation, and culture (10), safety and stability (5), climate (5), and infrastructure (5). Of course, its difficult to apply these statistics across huge and diverse countries, such as Mexico and Colombia. You still need to do your homework before you decide to take up full or part-time residence there. Click on the link for more information.

Sep 9, What's the meaning of it all?

Fri, 09 Sep 2011 01:31:52 GMT

This past Tuesday morning, I met with a coaching group I had started a few years ago which included Dr. Frank. They were part of a program I created and facilitated called "Biz Builder." We meet about three times a year. Our experience together is very enriching and enjoyable. What typically happens is that each of us shares what we've been up to in our business and personal lives. Behind what's being said is a recognition that we're here for a short time and much significance added to how we're making best use of that time. Life doesn't need to be complex- we don't need to measure ourselves by how much we've accomplished as this Zen story illustrates... "A Zen Teacher saw five of his students return from the market, riding their bicycles. When they had dismounted, the teacher asked the students, 'Why are you riding your bicycles?' The first student replied, 'The bicycle is carrying this sack of potatoes. I am glad that I do not have to carry them on my back!' The teacher praised the student, saying, 'You are a smart boy. When you grow old, you will not walk hunched over, as I do.' The second student replied, 'I love to watch the trees and fields pass by as I roll down the path.' The teacher commended the student, 'Your eyes are open and you see the world.' The third student replied, 'When I ride my bicycle, I am content to chant, nam myoho renge kyo.' The teacher gave praise to the third student, 'Your mind will roll with the ease of a newly trued wheel.' The fourth student answered, 'Riding my bicycle, I live in harmony with all beings.' The teacher was pleased and said, 'You are riding on the golden path of non-harming.' The fifth student replied, 'I ride my bicycle to ride my bicycle.' The teacher went and sat at the feet of the fifth student, and said, 'I am your disciple.'" - Dr. Fred

Sep 8, Urban Legends About Aging

Thu, 08 Sep 2011 01:13:35 GMT

A couple of nights ago, I was having dinner with my mother, brother, his wife and one of their nieces, a physician. My sister-in-law and her niece asked me about the back pain I've been experiencing since the beginning of the year. "Do the specialists you've consulted know the cause?" "No," I said. My brother facetiously said to me, "Maybe you're just getting old!" There are many myths about aging. Here's a partial list from The Intentional Aging Collective... "Retirement is bad for your health." Or "People often die soon after they retire." (Proven false long ago by longitudinal studies of retirement; see the work of Gordon Streib and many others. There are of course cases where people in ill-health opt to retire and do die soon afterward. But retirement wasnt the cause. Maybe there are other reasons to encourage people to delay retirement but fear of bad health isnt one of them.) "Ageism is the work of the advertising industry." (Actually, ageism was invented by the ancient Greeks, as a glance at their youth-oriented art will show. It was rediscovered by the Renaissance and then propagated in the 20th century for a variety of reasons. Advertising and media mainly trade on stereotypes already widely accepted in society.) "People are always worse off when they move to a nursing home." (Not true; many people actually thrive and blossom in the new social environment, as countless cases prove. See, for example, the recent memoir Making an Exit for an inspiring story on this point of a daughter who was astonished by her mothers flowering after moving into a long-term care facility. Any nursing home social worker can tell similar stories.) "Religion is good for your health." (Its true that people who attend church tend to live longer, but no one knows why. Some studies suggest that volunteerism, the arts, lifelong learning or even having a pet will give the same result. It could be that religion has little to do with it; maybe bowling would do the same (but not bowling alone). Here, as so often, correlation is not causation.) "The 20th century witnessed dramatic gains in longevity in later life." (Another myth; life expectancy from birth did increase from 47 to 77 in the 20th century, but life expectancy for people at age 65 only went up a modest 5 years, not nearly so "dramatic") "Geriatric medicine today is becoming more widely accepted." (Quite the opposite. There are more M.D.s who are members of the American Academy of Anti-Aging Medicinea bogus field-- than there are Board-certified geriatricians. The number of geriatricians is actually lower today than a decade ago and it continues to decline.) For more myths, check the link above. - Dr. Fred

Sep 7, Be cooked vs. Searching

Wed, 07 Sep 2011 02:17:52 GMT

A couple of days ago, Dr. Frank shared about how a friend of his is a "lifelong learner extraordinaire." I share the same value. In the personal development domain, there's a particular kind of individual who's not quite satisfied or more accurately said, not fulfilled in their life, who's always looking for "the answer," the next flavour of the month, which can take the form of the next book, the next course, the next retreat, the next substance, the next teacher. They relate to themselves in a way where they feel there's something missing and they need to be fixed in some way. They're referred to as "searchers." There's another kind of individual who can be considered "cooked"- they're not seraching for anything; they're complete and whole the way they are. Within this context, their engagement in personal development (life long learning) is about increasing their capacity in a particular domain(s). I like the distinction that Coach University makes... Definitions Be cooked - development process is complete
Searching - in the act of looking or examining
Comparisons complete vs. on-going Example: Jane kept searching for ways to improve her financial well-being, until she realized that she had the reserve she needed and no longer needed to strive towards a financial goal. Key Point: Someone "cooked" is healthy, has "found" him or herself, and has reserves in most areas of life. Others enjoy the searching process and would feel empty without it. Benefit: Searching can be an addiction. Are you ready to be "cooked"? I'm not really clear how I'd classify myself. This quotation from the Life As It Is blog resonates with me... "Are you a seeker? Or a finder? It doesn't really matter. That which matters is that you are not separate. You are not separate from that which can be sought. And you are not separate from that which can be found. See this. It should be clear then, that as long as there is a sense of separation truth is not fully realized. As long as there is a sense of being a seeker, or a sense of being a finder, truth is not fully realized. As long as there is a sense of being a seeker, or a sense of being a finder, truth is percieved as being outside of who you are; as being other than who you are - whether percieved as acquired or not yet acquired. Just see that this perception is false. See that you are not the seeker, nor the finder. Seeking and finding may be going on, but rest assured in the knowing that who you truly are is not the seeker, nor the finder. You are that in which all seeking and all finding is going on. You are truth itself." - Dr. Fred

Sep 6, Update on Happiness-After-Midlife

Tue, 06 Sep 2011 00:38:03 GMT

There were several new initiatives on HAM over the last week. First, my colleague Susyn Reeve of Self-Esteem Experts contributed her 12th article on building self esteem entitled Self Esteem Activity: Do you love you? In the article she affirms that if you aspire to a world of greater peace and joy, begin by making changes in your own life. Susyn shares a simple self esteem activity for honouring and appreciating yourself. Second, Dike Drummond, midlife crisis specialist, appeared in the 66th HAM interview in the midlife expert interview series. He spoke knowledgeably and passionately about how he assists individuals in dealing with change and transition in their life. He described the useful tool he put together, an informative quiz, that deals with midlife transitions. He also has a three-hour workshop that assists midlifers in living their dream. Third, I had a delightful conversation with Aleks Srbinoski, success and happiness coach. Aleks spoke about his unique approach to authentic happiness. He also talked about some key ideas in his e-book Motivation Now: Productivity and persuasion secrets for modern-day excellence and effectiveness. My interview with him will be appearing on September 14. For more about Aleks, see his article on Personal Values. Dr. Frank

Sep 5, Denise Werleman lifelong learner "extraordinaire"

Mon, 05 Sep 2011 00:42:03 GMT

I consider myself an avid lifelong learner. Statistics shows that regarding lifelong learning Canadians are at the top of class, along with Americans, coming in fourth in a worldwide survey. As a writer, I enjoy researching and creating information materials, such as my e-book on taking charge of midlife, e-course for creating an extraordinary future, and audio program for building wealth through a small business. As a teacher, I love explaining things to others and learning from my students. On a personal level, I continue to take Spanish courses. It is an essential activity for keeping my mind sharp. Denise Werleman, a friend and colleague of mine, is one of the best examples I know of the lifelong learner. I first met Denise 10 years ago at a Business Network International event (where I met Dr. Fred as well); weve remained friends ever since. Ill take courses till the day I die, she said to me as we shared lemonade recently at a small bistro. Its important to continue learning. I have big goals, she continued. Over the years Denise has taken motivational courses with Tony Robbins, Landmarks Forum, and Harv Ekers Quantum Leap program. Shes now actively involved with PSI, the Personal Success Institute. PSI offers experiential weekends that focus on all areas of one's business and personal success. The weekend includes such topics as building better relationships, developing more effective listening and communication skills / habits, and creating stronger relationships with children and family. A friend of mind from Toronto introduced me to the PSI Basic Seminar, Denise told me. On her recommendation she signed up. Several days later, she googled PSI and read it was a cult; they did not give you your money back. Denise went on: I then decided to cancel. Besides I was looking for inner work and did not think this was the course for me. When I called to cancel, No problem, Scotty said. He then asked me if I was where I wanted to be in my professional and personal life. No, I replied. My intuition told me that this could be the course I need. I will be eternally grateful to Scotty as I have grown tremendously and continue to do so day after day. Denise told me that since its inception in 1973 PSI has produced over 600,000 graduates. Although these kinds of courses are not every ones cup of tea, you might want to learn more by clicking on the link. Dr. Frank

Sep 2, Three Needs to Satisfy Your Leisure

Fri, 02 Sep 2011 01:26:21 GMT

In my blog post of Tuesday, I suggested that your willingness to give yourself permission to enjoy your leisure time can give you an access to wealth. Many people find this challenging because they're operating under a moral imperative that working long, hard hours is vital to their success and self-esteem. In his book, The Joy of Not Working: A Book for the Retired, Unemployed and Overworked- 21st Century Edition, Ernie Zelinski says there are "three needs to satisfy at your leisure." These needs are provided to us when we're working such as money, self-worth, status, achievement, recognition, room for growth and power. 1. Erecting new structures Most of us are dependent on structures- how we spend our time, our habits and routines. Without it, we may find ourselves lost. When we lose our structures, it's up to us to create them. For example... - take courses
- join the boards of charities
- participate in a sport
- work as a volunteer
2. Being on purpose Without purpose, we tend to be lost. Zelinski suggests filling in the following blanks to identify your purpose... To change the world I would like to _____________________________ Wouldn't it be great If I could__________________________________ Someone with purpose whom I admire is____________________________ At the age of 95, I would like to look back and say this is what I have accomplished________________________________________________ I would get satisfaction in my life if I could___________________ 3. Generating a sense of community In my numerous career transitions, this has been a key factor for me. I've always been aware of the power of connecting with others as a way of nurturing my soul and opening up new possibilities. It led to me introducing the first BNI chapter to the Montreal community and meeting some wonderful people. There are numerous organizations that espouse the value of leisure such as the American Association for Leisure and Recreation, Couch Potatoes, Overachievers Anonymous and the Boring Institute. - Fred

Sep 1, Classical music with shining eyes and the world of possibility

Thu, 01 Sep 2011 01:10:29 GMT

This video presentation by Benjamin Zander is one of my all time favourites. He's the only conductor to ever lead the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra. Zander is a prophet of human potential and demonstrates how one's way of being is vital in any endeavour- the difference between ordinary performance and extraordinary performance; the difference between an ordinary life and an extraordinary one- one based on possibility and not predictability.

- Dr. Fred

Aug 31, Being lazy can lead to riches

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 01:27:09 GMT

30 years ago, I participated in a personal development course- "The Money Workshop." It was largely based on the prosperity principles of teachers like Catherine Ponder, Jerry Gillies and Phil Laut. There was a suggested practice offered from Laut called "Laziness leads to self-exteem leads to riches," which you may want to take on. I'm quoting from Laut's book, Money Is My Friend. "Mastering laziness with self-esteem is an important factor in increasing your income. You can practice this by staying in bed for a whole day on regular intervals until you can do it without feeling guilty. It has always been interesting to me to observe that the only time that most people will allow themselves the simple pleasure of relaxing in bed all day is when they are sick. When people are willing to give themselves this pleasure when they are well, they find that they are sick a lot less often." Laut relates this to what he calls the "Parental Disapproval Syndrome," the essence of which is the idea that love is something you must earn. Loving yourself while you're doing nothing is the ultimate practice of self-esteem. I admit that I haven't taken this on for myself in that physical activity is very important for me- a Positive Addiction. (Harper Colophon Books). Financial freedom and freedom in general, I believe is an important value as we come into midlife and beyond. This kind of material can raise your awareness of some of the key principles of wealth creation. - Dr. Fred

Aug 30, Upcoming interview with Dike Drummond, midlife crisis specialist

Tue, 30 Aug 2011 01:31:08 GMT

Dont miss tomorrows interview with Dike Drummond, a specialist in "midlife crisis" coping strategies. His goal is to redefine the stereotypical view of midlife crisis, which he sees as a critical turning point in ones life. In the interview, he describes how he assists individuals in dealing with change and transition in their life through his life-changing workshop. Listen to the interview and find out: - why he views the so-called midlife crisis as a spiritual journey, - why we go through many midlife crises in our life, - the purpose of the Do you need a midlife crisis? quiz that he has created, - what he offers in the 3 Hour Midlife Crisis Workshop that he has developed. - some of the benefits for people taking his workshop. For my take on the midlife crisis, see the article, My own signs of midlife crisis. Dr. Frank

Aug 29, Who are you?

Mon, 29 Aug 2011 00:26:47 GMT

- Are you a midlife business owner who wants to bring your business to another level? You're not sure about ways of building wealth through your business or what exit strategy to take. - Are you a midlife solo entrepreneur thinking of selling your business? You're not sure of the timing of the transaction. You're also not sure what is involved in the transaction process. - Are you are a retired or semi-retired professional or midlife small business owner who has just sold a business and looking for ways to grow your assets and your income? You're thinking of starting a second career and perhaps going into business for yourself again. - Are you one of the thousands of mid lifers who have been laid off from your corporate job? You have your own unique knowledge and experience, have some money set aside, and you're looking to start your own online business. You're not sure of what to do and how to do it. If you answered yes to any of these questions, check out the new Happiness After Midlife audio program, entitled Breaking Free at Midlife: Building Wealth Through Your Small Business. We interviewed four top-notch business thinkers who talk about growing a business the smart way, selling it and starting an online business. If you are also interested in personal growth and self-improvement, see my article on Dealing with midlife by reinventing yourself in midlife and beyond. Dr. Frank

Aug 26, "The demise of guys"

Fri, 26 Aug 2011 00:59:59 GMT

Through a number of blog posts, I've shared about my interest in male issues. My latest read is Manhood by Steve Biddulph. I've also recommended The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression and Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship from the Irritable Male Syndrome both by Jed Diamond. I think this is an extremely important area to explore because of the possible transformative outcome of a new paradigm on what it is to be a male in our culture irrespective of age. Midlife is a time when men and women have an opportunity to live life on their own terms with new rules for living. For an amusing take on this subject, watch this video of Philip Zimbardo, Ph.D., talking on "the demise of guys."

- Dr. Fred

Aug 25, Embrace life fully

Thu, 25 Aug 2011 01:22:16 GMT

Last week, I was on vacation with a close friend at my brother's country chalet. The weather was perfect. There were no bothersome noises of traffic, construction, conversations and media. All that was present was peace and from time to time the sound of loons on the lake. Life was occurring for me in the moment. Then I returned to business as usual. My internal conversation was, "I want to go back on vacation." My mood shifted from being at peace to resisting the way things are, a sure recipe for unhappiness. Gradually, through being mindful, I came to appreciate my life for what I had. Nothing was wrong. Julio Olalla, one of the leaders in the coaching profession addresses the notion of embracing life fully in this video. He speaks to... - how our culture is dominated by fear and control. - the self-assessment we make that "I'm not good enough." - the interplay of language, thoughts and emotions in how life shows up for us. - a different way of interpreting "crisis." - the true meaning of "conversation."

- Dr. Fred

Aug 24, Inverse Paranoid- an access to happiness

Wed, 24 Aug 2011 01:32:20 GMT

Our cultural mindset comes from a "posture of paranoia," in which human beings are said to come into the world evil and sinful. And that world is unsafe and dangerous. What are the chances of happiness with this built-in mindset? What's an alternative point of view and what strengths and virtues contribute to the experience of happiness? This is the essence of an article from the Mansfield News Journal. "If you want to be happy, you must first examine the nature of your belief system. One can live from the posture of paranoia, where the world is a dangerous place and the devil, or Satan, or God is out to get you. Or you could adopt what is my favorite posture in life, that of the Inverse Paranoid. The Inverse Paranoid believes that the universe is designed in a manner to always do you good. It is critical in life to understand how our thoughts and beliefs determine our destiny. If we were in pursuit of happiness, we must not only examine our belief system about who we are and the nature of the universe, we must also define the nature of happiness. Research in the field of happiness tells us that happiness is a mindset. It is an internal experience, an inside job. It has little to do with wealth, circumstance or pleasure. Extensive research demonstrates the "happy" life results from using six ubiquitous strengths and virtues. These six virtues have been found to exist in every religion, philosophy and culture in all periods of history. They are: 1. Wisdom and Knowledge. 2. Courage. 3. Love and Humanity. 4. Justice. 5. Temperance. 6. Spirituality and Transcendence. Studies of people who are authentically happy tell us that happy people: 1. Like themselves. They have high self-esteem. 2. Are hope-filled. They are positive and optimistic (Inverse Paranoids). 3. Are outgoing. They are in relationships with others. 4. Believe that they choose their destiny. They take responsibility for what happens in their life. The bottom line of authentic happiness rests on what we do day to day. What we think, believe and do today shapes who we are, what we become and what our world will be like tomorrow." As I've shared through this website, reading an article like this and following recipes and formulae won't bring you___________________. However, it could open up new possibilities for you through further inquiry. Knowing the limits of information, I still have a thirst for liberating knowledge! - Dr. Fred

Aug 23, Introducing a new e-Course: Discover your Confidence: A journey to a more confident me

Tue, 23 Aug 2011 01:26:33 GMT

I'd like to introduce you to Monique Pambrun's new two-part multimedia e-Course, Discover Your Confidence: A journey to a more confident me. Holding degrees from the University of Manitoba and Harvard University, Monique is coach, trainer and author of personal growth books. Monique used to believe what everyone else said and did not always believe in herself. Then she asked herself why do I think that everyone else is right and I am wrong. She got so tired of hearing this message that she decided to write a book about it and create this course. It changed her life and it can change your life too! At the beginning of the course, Monique asks key questions such as, How do I make decisions?, What is my purpose?, and How do I discover my purpose? The first course is entitled Foundational Learning. It deals with discovering internal and external confidence as well as interactions with others. The second course is entitled Reinforce the Foundation. It focuses on developing mental and physical strength, using fear, pain and pleasure positively, and rewarding myself. Click on the link for access to the Free Introductory Demo. Listen to Monique talk about her own journey to greater self-confidence. Dr. Frank

Aug 22, Back in action

Mon, 22 Aug 2011 00:24:57 GMT

Im excited about being back in Montreal writing and teaching after a needed change of scenery in Colombia spending time with my wifes large family. The highlight of the family visit was a memorable fiesta for the 80th birthday of my father-in-law. I felt privileged to share in a unique occasion. My wife and her daughters, her sisters, grand children and great grand children as well as his family in Europe poured out their hearts in a deluge of gifts and testimonials - via PowerPoint - to what his personal journey to Colombia over 50 years ago, his family-oriented lifestyle, his values, his love and generosity have meant to every one. A precious moment filled with love and emotion, anecdotes and videos, tears and laughter. It was also a productive trip. I am most happy when I can combine pleasure and business. I had the opportunity to interview an entrepreneurial couple who own the Australian Fusion Cafe in Cartagena (see my August 8 blog post). I also interviewed the owner of La Tartine, a French restaurant in Cali (see my August 15 blog post). Both interviews show that it is possible to start a new business, a new life, if you have the right mind-set and desire to work for yourself, in spite of all the challenges that may be present. During my trip I had the pleasure of running across the work of Winton Churchill, founder of Bare Foot Consultants. I would recommend his web site to anyone seeking a different lifestyle, living and working abroad (see my August 16 blog post). In an enjoyable conversation with him, he told me he lives part of the year in Huatulco and the rest in San Miguel de Allende. Both are attractive Mexican destinations for older Americans and Canadians seeking a simpler life style, warm weather, and in some cases the chance to pursue their entrepreneurial dreams, just as he has done. I want to thank Monique Pambrun, a savvy and well-informed business coach, who did two blog posts in my place, one on positive psychology (see the August 1 blog post) and another on getting rid of bad habits, (see the August 9 blog post). In a future blog post, Ill be introducing you to Moniques new two-part multimedia e-Course entitled Discover Your Confidence: A journey to a more confident me. Shortly Ill be sharing a free demo of the program to give you a sense of the value it offers. Dr. Frank

Aug 19, The riddle of experience vs memory

Fri, 19 Aug 2011 01:07:14 GMT

"If you want to see, see directly into it; but when you try to think about it, it is altogether missed."- Tao-wu "It it so clear that it takes long to see
You must know that the fire for which you are seeking
Is the fire in your own lantern.
And that your rice has been cooked from the very beginning."
- Chinese poem Happiness like any abstraction doesn't exist. It occurs in language as a "distinction," in which we as "observers" attribute meaning. This creates what Daniel Kahneman, an Israeli-American psychologist and Nobel laureate, notable for his work on the psychology of judgment and decision-making, behavioral economics and hedonic psychology calls "cognitive traps." The confusion lies in our not distinguishing two kinds of selves- the "experiencing self," which lives in the moment and the "remembering self," which lives in story and keeping score. The "experiencing self" is about being happy in your life. It is happiness that we experience immediately and in the moment. The "remembering self" is about being happy about your life. It is the happiness that exists in memory when we talk about the past and the big picture. Much of our unhappiness springs from the fact that we're terrible at accurately remembering how things made us feel in the past, so we make bad choices regarding the future. Watch the Ted presentation below...

- Dr. Fred

Aug 18, Step Outside Your Comfort Zone and Study Yourself Failing

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 01:05:38 GMT

The underlying theme of this website is midlife development which entails increasing our capacity to be more effective in different domains. As we move up to the next level, we reach what Joshua Foer, author of Moonwalking with Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything, calls the "OK Plateau," where we have gained sufficient skills for our needs and we stop pushing ourselves. Foer distinguishes four principles that experts use to go beyond the "OK Plateau" to achieve true greatness. I would pose some questions here: - What does greatness mean to you?
- What makes you think you're great?
- What makes you think that you're not great?
- What's determining your answers?
- Would you say that greatness is a function of being extraordinary?
- Would you say that greatness is solely a function of increasing your skill level? What other factors might be involved?
- Is it ok to be on the "OK Plateau" and still be fulfilled? Do we need to keep pushing ourselves? What's an alternative approach?
Watch Joshua's presentation and notice what opens up for you...

- Dr. Fred

Aug 17, Seven Steps to Manhood

Wed, 17 Aug 2011 01:13:21 GMT

My current read is Manhood by Steve Biddulph.He distinguishes the seven steps to manhood, which include... 1. "Fixing it" with your father. 2. Finding sacredness in your sexuality. 3. Meeting your partner on equal terms. 4. Engaging actively with your kids 5. Learning to have real male friends. 6. Finding your heart in your work. 7. Freeing your wild spirit. Although I've done much personal development work throughout my life, this book speaks to me. It gets at the core of what it is to truly be a man. Some of the issues he addresses which I had related to as personal, I now see as part of the culture of being a man. He has a page labelled "Facing the Facts" that point to the state of manhood in our culture... "We are often told it's a man's world, but the statistics on men's health, happiness and survival show this is a lie. Here are some facts about being a man in the twenty-first century...

Men on average live for six years less than women do.
Men routinely fail at close relationships. (Half of all marriages break down, and the divorces are initiated by the the woman in four out of five cases.)
Over 90 of convicted acts of violence will be carried out by men, and 70 of the victims will be men.
In school, around 90 of children with behaviour problems are boys and over 80 of children with learning problems are also boys.
Men comprise over 90 of inmates in jails.
Men are also 70 of the unemployed. (A million men have disappeared from the workforce in the last decade, while two million women have joined it.)
Men and boys commit suicide three times more frequently than women.

The danger to our children's children is not terror, but coporate globalized waste and consumption, driven by the unhappiness of Western men, and women too. We have to change ourselves fundamentally if the world is going to work. Everything is connected. How you make a living, what you consume, how you spend your time- the question of men's liberation- will determine the future of the globe." What's opened up for you out of reading this post? - Dr. Fred

Aug 16, Working from abroad is easier than you think

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 01:13:09 GMT

Following on my post yesterday on Living and Working in Cali, Colombia, I want to share some of the ideas on working from anywhere from Winton Churchill (yes it is his real name and there is a distant connection with Winston), founder of Bare Foot Consultants. His membership site is dedicated to offering mid lifers and beyond opportunities for creating different income streams from any where allowing freedom and flexibility in retirement. Its a concept I often write about myself, if youve been following my blog posts. Winton debunks three myths of living and working abroad: Myth 1: It is difficult for Americans or Canadians to work abroad because of visa and immigration restrictions. He admits that this is partly true since many countries want to protect their local job market. However, he comments, In most countries, if you do work over the Internet and the money you earn never goes into the local currency and you are (for example) paid in your home countryyou can steer clear of the problems you might have if you try to go to work in your new home town abroad. Myth 2: You have to be a technology god to work online. He says that on the contrary it is relatively easy to work online if you put your mind to it. He says that, There are literally hundreds of thousands of assignments like proofreading, editing, writing, creating instructional videos, covering a customer service shift, giving advice and just about any other skill you ever heard of (and many you haven't) are in demand on some job network, somewhere, right now. In my own situation, it is relatively easy to run my online business from anywhere equipped with a good Internet connection and using Site Build It!, a proven e-commerce solution. Myth 3: The best time to start earning in a foreign country is after you get there. Winton comments that some freelancers have been able to do this, but it will cost you a lot of time and money. In my blog post of August 8, Ian Spears of the Australian Fusion Cafe pointed out that it is critical to success to plan in advance. The same applies to online work. Winton, for example, recommends setting up payment features through your bank account beforehand. I myself have found with online payment tools such as E-junkie, PayPal, and ClickBank you can be paid for your products from anywhere in the world. Click on the link for more information about building your own online business with Site Build It! Dr. Frank

Aug 15, Living and working in Cali, Colombia

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 01:58:18 GMT

As you know, one of my mid-term objectives is to live and work in Latin America during the snow-filled winter months in Montreal (great for skiers and skaters but not for me). Im particularly attracted to Cali, Colombia because of the presence of my wifes large family: two active parents, three sisters and their husbands as well as numerous nephews and nieces. Over the years, Cali has also attracted ex-pats from England, the US and France who have started small businesses, including English-style pubs, car dealerships and French restaurants. I had the opportunity to meet one such entrepreneur, Madame Berangre, who has operated La Tartine, a French restaurant in the traditional el Parque del Peon area, for the past 14 years. Originally from Cherbourg, France, Mme. Berangre and her fiance came to Cali 30 years ago on vacation and she never left, even though she didnt speak Spanish at the time. On the recommendation of a Colombian fellow who worked at her parents hotel in Cherbourg, she visited Cali. She immediately fell in love with the friendly people and the warm climate all year round. With an entrepreneurial mind-set and flair for getting into the right niche at the right time, she first opened a popular rock discotheque (interestingly where my wife danced for endless hours as a university student). After having twin girls, she ran one of the first French cafes, the Bistro de Paris, in Cali for seven years. Then she opened La Tartine, an up-scale French restaurant. If you visit her restaurant in Cali, try the langoustines, a delicious, white shellfish, also know as scampi. Click on the link for pictures and more information, but in Spanish only. Dr. Frank

Aug 12, Your emotions may be the source of your chronic pain

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 01:30:31 GMT

As I've mentioned in previous blog posts, my back has been painful since the beginning of the year. In mid June, I shared how the pain level had been reduced by about 90, so that I was able to resume my daily activities like sitting, while working on my computer, driving my car, running, cycling, meditating and yoga. What made the difference?- a combination of rest, no sitting, consulting with a sports medicine physician and working with some alternative healing techniques such as the Bowen Technique and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). Three weeks ago, I had a relapse. The pain returned. While not at the level it was when I first started the various healing approaches, it's left me lying face down on my bed working with my laptop computer and no running, no cycling, and no yoga. My physician has told me to continue to do what I was doing before, especially getting treatments through the Bowen Technique and practicing EFT. Why this relapse? I don't know. However, I suspect that there's some unconscious emotional component that's keeping it in place. Emotions can be THE factor in long-standing pain. John Sarno, M.D., has written a number of books on this subject including Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection, as well as succesfully treating and helping thousands of people who are experiencing all sorts of chronic pain. "Psychosomatic physical symptoms are most likely a defense against harmful or toxic unconscious emotional harmful or toxic unconscious emotional phenomena. Physical symptoms such as back pain are a reaction to unconsciously generated feelings that are repressed as a matter of self-preservation, Dr. Sarno discovered that simply becoming aware of these feelings can lead to a cure." So now I'm taking this to the next level through the relatively new field of "Somatic Education." Check out our audio interview next Wednesday with Lawrence Gold, a somatic educator to find out more on this subject. - Dr. Fred

Aug 11, What Will it Be Like When Your Parent Gets Older?

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 03:09:02 GMT

For the last few months through this blog, I've been sharing what my brother and I have been experiencing dealing with the challenges in making sure our 91 year old mother is having a good quality life. The following excerpt from this website gives an excellent overview of this issue... Parent to Your Parents: Adult children of aging parents often observe a process of change that feels as though they are becoming parents to their parents. No matter what condition our parents are in, they are always our parents. Even if dementia occurs, an aging parent will know well into the disease process that "this is my child." It is so important to treat them with respect, to seek their advice and counsel, to reinforce their parental role, even when you may be helping them, for example, to get in and out of the bathtub. Ah, Nostalgia... Sometimes children may say of their aging parents, "it is so annoying, they repeat the same thing over and over again." It is important, however, for people to recognize that the process of reminiscence is helpful to the older adult. A guiding principle throughout life is that "it is important to be me" and that challenge to perpetuate that "me-ness" becomes difficult as we lose the roles and relationships that sustain this, and even begin to not look like the image we hold of ourselves. Memory Changes in Older Age: Whats Normal; Whats Not Its OK to forget where you put your car keys. Its not OK if you forget what car keys are for. The fact is that changes are normal especially in memory and attention as we get older and that these changes probably begin earlier than most people realize- certainly by age 50 and usually before. Ten percent of those older than 65 have clinically significant memory loss and nearly about 50 percent of those who are older than 85. What happens as we get older is that everything becomes slower, including word-finding and retrieval. Name retrieval is a common (and annoying) problem. While the information is "in there," it becomes slower to retrieve it, and the harder you attempt to remember something, the more elusive it becomes. There are changes, however, that can suggest pathology, rather than normal aging. These include: - Extreme, repeated difficulty recalling names, objects places times
- Trouble recognizing places and people that should be familiar
- Getting confused in places near ones home
- Difficulty in maintaining ones usual hygiene
- Observable general intellectual and linguistic decline
- Episodes of poor judgment
- Increased suspiciousness
- Depression and/or anxiety
- Delusions, false beliefs
We are coming to learn that mental health has less to do with genetics than we once thought, and that more than we had thought, is under the individuals control. Continue reading this 2 part article here. - Dr. Fred

Aug 10, Are you afraid of early retirement?

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 01:32:44 GMT

Our site offers an alternative to the traditional ways that our culture relates to retirement, which typically involves taking the "easy" road- giving up work and really giving up full engagement. We encourage an active lifestyle and engaging in activities that give us a sense of purpose, meaning, connection and purpose. Ernie Zelinski, author of a number of books related to retirement offers the "Top 10 Reasons to Retire Early"... 1. Instead of In Search of Excellence, your favorite book can now be In Praise of Slowness. 2. Early retirement forces you to stop using the excuse that it is your job that is holding you back from doing the things that you have always wanted to do. 3. Early retirement allows you to move to a smaller house knowing that you no longer have to waste so much time, energy, and money trying to maintain the biggest house that your credit rating will allow. Truth be known, a small house can hold as much happiness as a large one. Sometimes it will hold even more. 4. If you were a go-getter in the workplace, you no longer have to listen to co-workers belittle your accomplishments with statements such as, "With your territory, anyone could be the number one salesperson in the country." 5. You can lean back with your copy of an international bestseller and care not what happens because you know how to retire happy.. Retirement is the beginning of life- not the end. 6. You can call your former co-workers while they are at work and tell them that you have just got out of bed and might go back for a nap after your midday breakfast. 7. With all the extra time you have for friendship in retirement, you get to find out that although money might make you wealthy, best friends make you rich. 8. You can try out a fun retirement job- such as working as as tourist bus driver at Banff in the Canadian Rockies and then quit whenever it starts boring you. 9. You can now live by this motto: Didn't care yesterday. Didn't care today. Probably won't care tomorrow. 10. Above all, it is a mistake to retire too late in life because you dont get another chance to do it right! There are great experiences that come from The Joy of Not Working. - Dr. Fred

Aug 9, Getting rid of bad habits

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 03:07:29 GMT

We all have bad habits that we wish we could get rid of. Some have been around for a long time (my need for chocolate when I am feeling low), and new ones have a way of becoming part of our daily routine (when did I start sighing every time I think about making dinner?). Bad habits stay with us because we believe that we gain some type of benefit or pleasure from them. But what if we could associate pain with our bad habits? If we could learn to associate our bad habit with something painful, we would be more inclined to get rid of it. Human beings naturally avoid pain (unless, of course, it is associated with an even larger amount of pleasure). So a key to getting rid of a bad habit is to discover things about the habit that bring us pain, according to Tony Robbins. Lets look at my chocolate example: what happens when I eat chocolate? It tastes very good, but if I eat too much, I tend to get a stomach ache (especially if I eat low-quality chocolate like the kind you buy at the corner store). So I can teach myself to think about this stomach ache when I want to eat chocolate. The memory of the stomach ache will discourage me from eating chocolate and my bad habit will slowly go away. For each of your bad habits that you truly want to get rid of, go through the exercise of finding something painful about the habit. Write it down and refer to this when the habit crops up. - Monique Pambrun, guest blogger

Aug 8, Doing business in Cartagena, Colombia

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 02:35:10 GMT

While in Cartegana, I had a chance to meet Ian and Angela, an Australian-Colombian couple. They run the Australian Fusion Cafe, just a short walk from the citys old town. Not only do they serve hefty portions of Aussie, Anglo and Tex Mex dishes, they also make you feel right at home with a friendly, welcoming style. Ian, originally from Perth, and Angela, a native of Bogota, met at the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, Utah. It was the start of long culinary adventure that would lead to the opening of their restaurant in Cartagena in November 2010. Faced with the downturn in the US economy, the high cost of living in Australia, and Angelas desire to be closer to her family, the entrepreneurial couple decided to set up a restaurant in Cartagena, a UNESCO World Heritage Site. It is one of Colombias most flourishing tourist markets with three new major international hotels in the planning. The restaurant is aimed at a niche market of international travelers as well as ex-pat locals looking for something different in the way of commonwealth food. Retired folks from the Club Nautica visit regularly ordering one meal for two since the portions are so large. On weekends his regular customers come in for the all-day American-style brunches. Another popular item on the menu is the bagged lunches for the oil refinery crowd. Ian and Angela also serve smoothies and natural juices attracting customers all day long. Ian offered some sound advice for those interested in going into business in Cartagena. - Live there for at least eight months before taking any action. Get immersed in the local culture. Live life as a local getting all the business information you can. - Have a clear idea of what kind of business you want to start. Know your market niche. - Work with a local business person whom you can trust. For more about Ian and Angelas Australian Fusion Cafe, click on the link for their Facebook profile. Dr. Frank

Aug 5, Retirement years- are you ready?

Fri, 05 Aug 2011 02:14:44 GMT

Yesterday, my brother and I were having one of our "state of the union" conversations. We were acknowledging where each of us were in terms of our work, relationships,lifestyle, leisure activities and financial situation. We also spoke about how my mother is better off living in the senior residence which she moved into on June 15. We're pleased that she's adapting well and is starting to engage more with other people and taking part in the daily activities offered. We're also aware that if she needs serious medical attention, our financial situation may change. My brother and I are in good health although I'm still dealing with back pain. My brother's wife, a university professor is looking forward to completing her contract in one and a half years. She has mixed feelings because she really enjoys what she's doing especially being part of a team of intellectually stimulating colleagues. What's the point of sharing this with you? All of us in midlife and beyond need to wake up to the fact that our futures aren't predictable. The speed of change has been increasing and with it comes uncertainty; unpredictability. Dr. Ken Dychtwald "has emerged as North Americas foremost visionary and original thinker regarding the lifestyle, marketing, healthcare and workforce implications of the age wave. He is a psychologist, gerontologist, documentary filmmaker, entrepreneur and best-selling author of sixteen books on aging-related issues." Check out this video presentation of him speaking to the issues midlifers and beyond need to confront when they're looking at their "retirement" years...

- Dr. Fred

Aug 4, "Cult of Information"

Thu, 04 Aug 2011 03:16:43 GMT

The following piece comes from an interview with Theodore Roszak conducted by Jeffrey Mishlove of thinkingallowed.com. "Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge? Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?" --T.S. Elliott Our real educational and cultural needs are in danger of becoming lost in the erroneous fascination with the information processing model of the mind. One of America's foremost social critics, Theodore Roszak, Ph.D., author of The Making of a Counter Culture: Reflections on the Technocratic Society and Its Youthful Opposition, With a new introduction, Ecopsychology: Restoring the Earth, Healing the Mind and The Cult of Information, delivers a scathing indictment of the over-selling of computer and high-tech ideology to the American public.

- Dr. Fred