Midlife Crisis Coping Blog

Mar 10, "Self-Help: Shattering the Myths"

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 05:24:56 GMT

Dr. Frank has a webpage on the subject of self-help ("'Self Help' is big business") on our site. I want to add to that conversation. Yesterday, I came across an article in Pyschology Today entitled "Self-Help: Shattering the Myths" by Annie Murphy Paul. She introduces the article by writing the following, "Self-help books are now a half-billion-dollar industry, but not all "off the shelf" advice is useful or accurate. Here are common distortions to watch out for, and where to go for sound, science-based guidance." I don't buy into something automatically because it's scientifically-based. That being said, here is an outline of the distortions she presents. What comes up for you as you read through the list? I suggest you go the link below for the full article. DISTORTION 1: Vent your anger and it'll go away DISTORTION 2: When you're down in the dumps, think yourself happy by focusing on the positive. DISTORTION 3: Visualize your goal, and you'll help make it come true. DISTORTION 4: Self-affirmations will help you rinse low self-esteem. DISTORTION 5: "Active listening" can help you communicate better with your partner. Paul offers useful advice on "sifting science from snake oil" as well as providing a list of resources that she consider to be worthy of consideration. I've searched the web on more self-help myths, which include the following: - Group brainstorming is an especially effective way of generating new ideas. - Praising a child's ability is good for their self-esteem and future success. - It takes 21 days to form a habit. - No pain, no gain. - We push negative experiences out of our awareness and tuck them into the unconscious. - Be positive, have hope. I can keep on going. We all need to be more discriminating in accepting the "party line" as truth. - Dr. Fred

Mar 9, Are you ready for an encore career?

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 06:06:53 GMT

American President, Theodore Roosevelt, once said: "Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing." According to research conducted by the MetLife Foundation and Civic Ventures, more and more men and women in midlife and beyond are looking to change careers and do meaningful work. They want to be able to earn income as well as do good work beyond themselves. Here are some of the main findings from the survey that was conducted in 2008: 1. Areas of work: Between five and eight million Americans are already engaged in encore careers. Interestingly, there are more women than men (56 vs. 44, respectively) doing it. The most popular areas of work include education, health care, government, other non-profit organizations, and for-profit businesses that serve the public good. 2. Loving the experience: People in encore careers have very high job satisfaction. They feel good about the work they are doing and see positive results. They also feel that they are making a difference and that they are appreciated. In addition, they get to use their skills and experience and they are learning new things. 3. Motivation: Midlifers and beyond have many reasons for wanting to engage in encore careers. They want to stay active, productive, and challenged. They are also looking for continued income and health benefits. It is also important to have flexibility in the work they do. - Dr. Frank

Mar 8, Midlife development is more than a mental game

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 04:23:47 GMT

Dr. Frank's post yesterday had to do with boosting performance through playing the "inner game." I first came across this notion through reading Tim Gallwey's books (The Inner game of Tennis, Inner Tennis) on the subject in the mid 1970s. It opened my eyes to a new way of learning (and teaching/coaching) that Gallwey refers to as "natural learning," which he says is a function of awareness. He defines awareness as the "energy of consciousness which makes it possible for us to experience events internal or external to our bodies." He goes on to say, "If you want to change your tennis - or your life - the Inner Game approach suggests that as a first step you not try to change it, but simply increase your awareness of the way it is." What Gallwey has done is to adopt some of the principles of the Eastern spiritual traditions as they apply to learning and teaching. The Inner Game is about developing our capacity to notice what's present in our experience non judgmentally. It's not about "thinking" our way to better performance and a better life. It's an approach that has us become more aware of our bodies, our feelings. our emotions, thoughts, actions and our environment. The Inner Game approach has altered my life. It has me be more in my experience, more in my body and out of my automatic thinking, which interferes with my effectiveness and fulfillment. As a way to develop my awareness and mindfulness, I practice Buddhist meditation, yoga, The Alexander Technique, "The Work" of Byron Katie as well as the teachings of Advaita Vedanta. Dr. Frank shares about his conversation with Felix. a music student and Felix's music teacher recommending reading The Inner Game of Tennis, which I think is a good start. However, for the Inner Game approach to be integrated into one's being requires working with a teacher who has experience in using it. Working with an Alexander Technique teacher could create a significant improvement in performance. I speak from experience. The Alexander Technique has contributed to better "use" of my mind/body in all areas of my life. - Dr. Fred

Mar 7, Boosting performance

Sun, 07 Mar 2010 06:01:11 GMT

The other day, just before a literature class I was teaching, I happened to notice Tim Gallwey's book, The Inner Game of Tennis: The Classic Guide to the Mental Side of Peak Performance, on the desk of Felix, one of my students. I was familiar with the work of Gallway, since I read a while back his The Inner Game of Work, a book that Dr. Fred highly recommends to his coaching clients. I asked Felix, a music student, "Why are you reading that book?" He responded, "My music teacher, recommended that I read it." I said, "That is interesting. How come? Felix answered, "Because it would help me improve my musical performance. And it really has." Here is what Gallwey states in the introduction to the book: "Neither mystery or satisfaction can be found in the playing of any game without giving some attention to the relatively neglected skills of the inner game. This is a game that takes place in the mind of the player, and it is played against such obstacles as lapses in concentration, nervousness, self-doubt and self-condemnation. In short, it is played to overcome the limits of mind which inhibit excellence in performance." Thanks to Felix and his music teacher, I intend to re-read Gallwey's The Inner Game of Work - I highlighted the key parts as I always do to allow for quick review - and read The Inner Game of Tennis to boost my own performance in writing and teaching. - Dr. Frank

Mar 6, The Tao Te Ching and The I Ching- accessing inner wisdom

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 03:10:49 GMT

What do you "get" when you read the following "chapters", which come from two ancient texts. The first one is from the Tao Te Ching and the second from the I Ching? When I use the word "get," I don't mean understand. I mean to feel and sense through your skin, your heart, your soul, your intuition, your inner wisdom. There are no "right" answers.

     "Analyzing others is knowledge.
     Knowing yourself is wisdom.
     Managing others requires skill.
     Mastering yourself takes inner strength.      Knowing when enough is enough
     Is wealth of spirit.
     Be present, observe the process,
     Stay centered and prevail."           Tao, 33      "Shock brings success.
     Shock comes - oh, oh!
     Laughing words - ha, ha!
     The shock terrifies for a hundred miles.
     And he does not let fall the sacrificed spoon and chalice."          I Ching Both of these excerpts have to do with change and transition. You can compare what you've "gotten" out of them compared to how writers interpret them through searching the internet (click on the link below for an example). There are people I know who use the I Ching and Tao Te Ching to make decisions and guide them through life. I've engaged with both as well as readings, exercises and games that get me out of my head and into my heart and soul. I'm left having a greater sense of freedom and lightening up. - Dr. Fred

Mar 5, Is saving money going out of style?

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 05:09:17 GMT

In Canada, contributions to one`s RRSP (Registered retirement savings plan) or that of a spouse ended on March 1, 2010. I was surprised that only 38 per cent of Canadians made their contribution this year, according to a survey done by the Bank of Montreal. Here are the main reasons Canadians gave for not contributing to their RRSP: - Not having enough money
- Possessing already enough money for retirement
- Forgetting to contribute
- Thinking it is unimportant
- Lacking confidence in the market or economy
The first reason is certainly valid for many who are looking for a job or not earning enough to make ends meet. Congratulations to those - particularly midlifers and baby boomers - who made the effort to save. You are going to live longer than you think. So you need to plan for having a comfortable life style in your later years. One of my financial rules is to pay myself first. In other words, I systematically put aside 10 per cent of my net earnings in what I call my "Financial Freedom Account." Even if I have "to beg, borrow or steal," as the saying goes, I make the effort to contribute. This money is then forwarded to my RRSP and that of my wife, Jacqueline, on a regular basis. Another savings option for Canadians is the newly-created plan, as of 2009, to contribute up to $5,000 a year to a tax-free savings account. Although you don`t get the tax deductions associated with your RRSP contributions, you do benefit from increasing your assets tax free. In addition, contributions are retroactive and you can borrow against your plan. I agree entirely with Serge Pepin, director of BMO investments when he says, "Saving for retirement and working towards achieving long-term financial goals should always be a priority." In achieving financial goals for yourself and your family, there are excuses and there are results. Click on the link for more about achieving your financial goals. - Dr. Frank

Mar 4, Religion and spirituality- Three women and their sons

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 03:42:35 GMT

Three women are chatting about the qualities of their sons. The first one says: "I am happy that he has decided to become a priest: Every time he enters a room, people look at him with respect and exclaim: 'My father!'" The eyes of the second woman shone and she commented: "Well, I'm even happier to know that my son not only followed the priesthood but was appointed cardinal. So, when he comes into the room, people lower their heads in respect, kiss his hand and say: 'Your Grace!'" The third woman remains in silence. The other two turn to her and ask: "And what about your son?" "Well, my son...is six feet tall and handsome, with fair hair and blue eyes. Every time he comes into a room, people look at one another and say: 'My God!'" Friday nights, 10:00 pm to 11:00 pm, I enjoy watching "Real Time" with Bill Maher on HBO. Maher is the creator of the documentary, Religulous. I've only seen the trailer, which I find funny. However, there's something about the way he attacks and makes fun of religion (on his program as well) that pushes my buttons. I'm certainly not religious but spirituality plays an important part in my life. As people enter middle age, spirituality and/or religion become more important to them. They are aspects of the adult developmental process. Frederic Hudson, author of The Adult Years: Mastering the Art of Self-Renewal has this to say... "The second half of life is about moving beyond "ego" concerns into the life of the "self, a spiritual aspect of mature life. Through the conscious development of an inner self, we discover connections to universal qualities of life everywhere. This spiritual awareness transforms our sense of purpose, and we begin to pursue a higher consciousness characterized by wholeness, reflection, and trust investing our energy in forms of life and work that will outlive us." Maher doesn't get it! - Dr. Fred

Mar 3, Measuring happiness

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 04:19:57 GMT

Behavioral economists are now joining the happiness conversation that has become such a hot topic these days, according to Betsey Stevenson of The Wharton School of Business. In an interview that I picked up online she made the following assertions that leave me scratching my head. Here are a few of her observations. - Stevenson: "Happiness in measured simply by asking people." Comment: She seems to put great value in surveys that ask people such questions as "Taken altogether, how would you say things are these days, would you say that you are very happy, pretty happy, or not too happy?" or "How satisfied are you with your life as a whole?" Of course, this begs the question of what is happiness. She seems to equate it with the concept of life satisfaction. Yet, research by the US National Economic Research Bureau correlates happiness to a number of factors, including health, employment, age, relationships page, social interaction, clear conscience and money. - Stevenson: "There is probably more to life than even life satisfaction. I know that sounds oxymoronic, but perhaps we're missing a sense of greater purpose or fulfillment." Comment: Of course there is more to happiness than life satisfaction or momentary pleasure. I like the distinctions that Robert Holden brings to the happiness conversation in distinguishing among sensory happiness or pleasure, circumstantial happiness or satisfaction, and unreasonable happiness or joy. - Stevenson: "If we look at the relationship between happiness and income, we see a very clear relationship, where wealthier people are the happiest people in society and happiness rises quite steadily with income. . . We find that the richer countries are happier than poorer countries and as countries get richer, the citizens get happier. I should note, however, that there is one exception. The United States has got wealthy over the last 40 years and we have not got any theater average." Comment: Leave it to an economist to say this. Most of my reading on the topic of happiness and money does not support this claim. For example, the happiness expert Sonja Lyubomirsky states the opposite. Furthermore, psychological research on happiness shows that only 10 of the one's level of happiness can be attributed to life circumstances. For more from Stevenson on why women are less happy today than a generation ago, click on the link. - Dr. Frank

Mar 2, "Counter Clockwise"

Tue, 02 Mar 2010 04:42:13 GMT

I started reading the book, Counterclockwise: Mindful Health and the Power of Possibility by Ellen Langer, a psychologist and well known researcher on mindfulness. One of the questions she asked herself was "To what extent can the mind influence the body?" She cites a study that she and her colleagues conducted in 1979, that I first became aware of in reading Deepak Chopra's book, Ageless Body, Timeless Mind almost 20 years ago. The subjects, a group of men, 75 or older, in good health were asked to meet for a week's retreat at a country resort. They were told that they would undergo a series of physical and mental exams. What was unusual is that they weren't permitted to bring any newspapers, magazines, books or family photos dated later than 1959. The resort was set up so that it duplicated life 20 years earlier. The music and the reading were from this period. The men were asked to behave and converse as if the year were 1959. They were to talk in the present tense. They were to refer to their relationships as though they were 20 years younger. The remarkable thing about this study is that this experimental group was more active and self-sufficient than a control group. Their memory improved as well as their manual dexterity. Impartial judges found that their faces looked younger by an average of three years. Their physical and mental capacity had also increased. Langer's conclusions is that what many would consider irreversible signs of aging can be reversed through psychological intervention. I consider myself fortunate in having a genetic make-up that has me appear and function like I'm younger than my age. But I think there's more to it than genetics. Much of the way I talk, think, speak and act as well as my lifestyle contributes to my youthfulness. Another factor is that I surround myself with people who are positive, vital, authentic and enthusiastic about life. Midlife and beyond may be a time of decline and can be slowed down through developing our capacity to be more conscious. - Dr. Fred

Mar 1, It may be time for a midlife career change

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 04:40:34 GMT

We are all familiar with the proverb, "It's never too late." We can apply this to midlife career change as well. Do you know what work you would really like to do? What lifestyle do you want? Do you want a home-based career or an 8 to 5 job? Do you want to control your own time, or have a boss tell you what to do? Can you identify your current skills? If so, are your skills transferable? What are your talents and expertise in specific areas? These are some questions you may ask yourself. Nancy Anderson, career consultant and author of the new book entitled, Work with Passion in Midlife and Beyond: Reach Your Full Potential and Make the Money You Need, asks: - Can you identify your worries? We all have deep-seated fears or worries that sometimes obstruct us from changing careers and moving forward. - Do you know your values? Ask yourself what you enjoy when you are alone, without someone telling you what to do. - Do you know your strengths? Look for areas of work to take advantage of them. Ask people closest to you for their perspective. In her first book, Work with Passion: How to Do What You Love for a Living, Anderson writes about discovering your personal needs. She uses a catchy metaphor - a garden with many flowers - to express her ideas about change and growth: "You will know your environment is right for you when you sense the pleasant growth of yourself: you are glad to be learning and you like the other flowers around you, the gardener (yourself, the owner, boss, supervisor) gives you just the right challenge, does not over water (rescue) you, does not expose you to too much sun (over expectations), does not under nourish you (with no praise, or plenty of criticism) . . . What needs to be unearthed is your unique personal power. . . It is through the dignity of work we do that we achieve self-esteem in life." Click on the link to pre-order her new book, Work with Passion in Midlife and Beyond. - Dr. Frank

Feb 28, "The No Past Meditation"

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 08:39:02 GMT

If you've been following my posts, you know that one of my key practices is Buddhist meditation as a way to develop mindfulness and living consciously not on automatic. A few months ago, I bought the book Be Happy by Richard Holden, Ph.D.; a psychologist who's regarded as an expert on happiness. The book is based on the workshop of the same name. Actually, what the reader gets are the notions and exercises offered to the participants. I've been experimenting with a number of them, the most recent being, "The No Past Meditation." There's a notion that I share with clients, friends and associates that goes like this, "In the present moment, life is perfect." Many people have difficulty with this one because rather than living in the experience of "now," their thinking grabs them so it seems like there is a past and a future that comes with all the concerns of their life. Here's how the meditation goes and I suggest that you experiment with it... Sit comfortably, eyes closed, breath deeply and imagine you don't have a past. There are three rounds: Round one- you do the meditation for one minute.
Round two- you sit for five minutes.
Round three- you sit for 10 minutes.
Optional round- a one hour meditation.
Holden says that typically in round one, people experience some discomfort, loss of bearings, anxiety and fear. In round two, there's a sense of peace, calm and timelessness. In round three, there's an experience of being more present and happy. Without a past, there's no story, there's no fear, there's no pain. For midlife development to occur, it requires trying on new practices, new ways of acting, new ways of thinking and new ways of being. - Dr. Fred

Feb 27, Are you an anxious midlifer?

Sat, 27 Feb 2010 05:33:07 GMT

The other day, Dr. Fred wrote a piece on major depression and listed some of the symptoms associated with it. He noted that there is a high percentage of midlifers experiencing this condition. Although some form of stress, worry or anxiety are a part of everyday life, midlifers may suffer from chronic anxiety, a disorder that interferes with their ability to lead normal lives. Here are some some symptoms that psychologists associate with chronic anxiety according to psychcentral.com: muscle tension, poor memory, fear or confusion, constant worry, palpitations, and poor concentration. As midlifers age or if they live with chronic medical conditions, their chances of having chronic anxiety will likely increase. However, there may be an effective, low-cost way to treat the symptoms of chronic anxiety. Researchers from the University of Georgia recently reported that performing exercise regularly can reduce the symptoms of anxiety. They looked at nearly 3,000 patients suffering from various medical conditions, such as heart disease, multiple sclerosis and cancer. As reported by psychcentral.com, researchers found that "physical activities such as walking or weight lifting may turn out to be the best medicine that physicians can prescribe to help their patients feel less anxious." They happen to be two of my favourite activities. Researchers also found that it is better to do more than 30 minutes of exercise rather than less. However, they noted that exercise programs of three to twelve weeks worked better at reducing anxiety than exercise programs of longer duration. Thus, a key finding is that exercise has a beneficial impact on a variety of physical and mental conditions. It is also less risky than medication. Click on the link for "Happiness Resources" which may provide other successful midlife coping strategies. - Dr. Frank

Feb 26, An interview with Steve Nash on a unique perspective on self-help

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 03:41:50 GMT

In our latest interview of our interview series, Steve Nash, creator of the Self Help Collective website says that rather than buying into what the experts and gurus tell us about how to conduct our lives, he asserts that the ultimate source of wisdom is ourselves. What makes his site unique, in my view, is that he provides a platform for a community of "ordinary" people to share their experiences in what works for them as they deal with the issues of their life. It's then up to the reader to experiment with others' suggestions. To a large extent, I buy what he has to say. However, I also know that each of us have blind spots, which stop us from being extraordinary. The way to reveal or "unconceal" these blind spots is through conversations with another(s). There are many personal development programs that impact peoples' lives. My recent post on "social capital" pointed out the limitations of the "lone ranger" mentality. Our tendency to get things on our own through willpower is bankrupt! The last point I'll make is that a very powerful model for change, transformation and enlightenment is the "guru (teacher)-student" relationship which depends on trust and surrender to the teacher. And this is similar to the relationship between a coach and a player. So, self-help could include engaging with others and not necessarily relying on outside resources. It's not a question of either/or. It's important to be judicious in choosing a pathway that we sense is best for us. Click the link below to access the interview. - Dr. Fred

Feb 25, Money and happiness

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 04:53:08 GMT

The other day I got a call on Skype from my son, Nicolas, who lives in the UK. He is looking to start a career in currency trading. He excitedly told me about a young business man he had recently met in a posh office building on Liverpool Street in London's "the City," the equivalent of New York's Wall Street. "I'm really impressed," Nicolas told me, "with the fact that this young fellow has just started a currency trading company with several partners. He's in his office at 6 AM, working all day on his different computer terminals, and apparently making lots of money. He must be 'doing something right.'" I was struck by those last few words: "doing something right." There is certainly nothing wrong about working hard at what you enjoy and pursuing wealth. However, there is always a flip side. If pursuing wealth means being stressed, overworked, spending more than you earn to keep up with the Joneses, and eventually becoming indebted, you may be "doing something wrong." An overemphasis on materialism and over consumption is known as "affluenza" and it could have unfortunate consequences (PBS first aired a one-hour special on the topic in 1997 - see http://www.pbs.org/kcts/affluenza/). In an article entitled,"The great work debate: Money vs. happiness," Valerie Young of www.changingcourse.com refers to the work of Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin, authors of Your Money or Your Life, one of my favourite books: "The authors asked over 1,000 people from the United States and Canada to rate themselves on a happiness scale of 1 (miserable) to 5 (joyous), with 3 being cant complain. Even Dominguez and Robins were surprised to find there to be no correlation what so ever between income and happiness. In fact, people earning between $0 1,000 a month reported being slightly happier than those whose monthly income exceeded $4,000. Even though we own more than our parents generation, the percentage of Americans describing themselves as very happy peaked in 1957. Since then it has remained fairly stable or declined. This, despite the fact that Americans consume twice as much as they did in the 1950s, when the average size of a house was about the same as many two-car garages today." I wish my son financial success and happiness in doing what he feels is right. For the complete Young article click on the link. - Dr. Frank

Feb 24, What's the quality of your "social capital"?

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 04:48:23 GMT

About a year ago, after 12 years of being a BNI (Business Network International) member (5 years a director) in Montreal, I didn't renew my membership. The truth is I was burnt out from putting much effort into having the chapter I belonged to be the first class chapter it once was. It wasn't an easy decision. I introduced BNI into the Montreal community in August of1997 with the purpose of gaining more visibility through networking and being recognized as a leader. At exactly the same time, for the same reasons, I started the Montreal chapter of the International Coach Federation. Both experiences were very rewarding, especially in terms of developing some long term lasting relationships. I was afraid that I would miss all that networking ("friendship farming"). As it turns out, I don't miss all that early morning schmoozing. However, I think I've swung the pendulum too far in the other direction because I'm not getting out there to develop new relationships. Maybe I'm too comfortable in "hiding out." Maybe the quality of my "social capital" has diminished. Wayne Baker, author of the book, Achieving Success Through Social Capital: Tapping Hidden Resources in Your Personal and Business Networks defines social capital as follows... Social capital refers to the resources available in and through
personal and business networks. These resources include infor-
mation, ideas, leads, business opportunities, ﬁnancial capital,
power and inﬂuence, emotional support, even goodwill, trust,
and cooperation. The social in social capital emphasizes that
these resources are not personal assets; no single person owns
them. The resources reside in networks of relationships."
He distinguishes three myths that underly how we typically operate in our culture... Myth #1- The ultimate hero is the rugged individualist
Myth #2- Success is an individual matter
Myth #3- Everyone is inspired by the rags to riches stories of individuals who achieve great success on the strength of their own efforts
All of these undermine our happiness, health, quality, purpose, and meaning of life. Solitude and connecting with others exist as dichotomies - they're distinct, yet not separate. For midlife development in dealing with change and transition, the notion of social capital is worth investigating. - Dr. Fred

Feb 23, Words to live by

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 04:49:41 GMT

In a recent e-mail communication from Alan Deutschman, author of Change or Die and one of our featured interviewees (www.happiness-after-midlife.com/alan-deutschman), he recommended that I check out the website, www.6seconds.org for learning how emotional intelligence can be a strategy for change. The headline on the websites home page states its purpose: "engage the power of emotional intelligence to create positive change - everywhere, all the time. Heady words indeed. In surfing the website, I was pleasantly surprised to come across the following Arab proverb in an article by Eknath Easwaran, taken from his book Words to Live By: A Daily Guide to Leading an Exceptional Life. The words of the tongue should have three gatekeepers. Before words get past the lips, the first gatekeeper asks, Is this true? That stops a lot of traffic immediately. But if the words get past the first gatekeeper, there is a second who asks, Is it kind? And for those words that qualify here too, the last gatekeeper asks: Is it necessary? It reminded me of the first agreement in the The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz: Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love." I was also pleasantly surprised to learn about the work of Eknath Easwaran, most known for his work in "passage meditation." It is a type of meditation in which you repeat memorized inspirational passages from the world's great religions, such as the passage quoted above. Easwaran was an inspirational author who dedicated his life to teaching about meditation and to leading a fulfilling life. - Dr. Frank

Feb 22, Midlife Wisdom and Aging

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 04:23:26 GMT

In my last post, I shared some indicators of major depression, which is one of the negative factors that accelerate aging. Here are two lists of psychosocial factors that according to gerontologists determine if the aging process is being accelerated or retarded (taken from Deepak Chopra's book, Ageless Body, Timeless Mind: The Quantum Alternative to Growing Old). Negative Factors That Accelerate Aging (Asterisk (*) denotes major factors) - *Depression
- Inability to express emotions
- Feeling helpless to change oneself and others
- Living alone
- Loneliness, absence of close friends
- *Lack of regular daily routine
- *Lack of regular work routine
- *Job Dissatisfaction
- Having to work more than 40 hours per week
- Financial burdens, being in debt
- Habitual or excessive worry
- Regret for sacrifices made in the past
- Irritability, getting angry easily, or being unable to express anger
- Criticism of self and others
Positive Factors That Retard Aging - *Happy marriage (or satisfying long term relationship)
- *Job satsifaction
- *Feeling of personal happiness
- Ability to laugh easily
- Satisfactory sex life
- Ability to make and keep close friends
- *Regular daily routine
- Taking at least one week's vacation every year
- Feeling in control of personal life
- Enjoyable leisure time, satisfying hobbies
- Ability to express feelings easily
- Optimistic about the future
- Feeling financially secure, living within means
Using these factors to assess myself, I have about one more day to live! Just kidding. How did you do? One of my core philosophies is that we're all an "experiment of one," so while these may apply generally to people, they may not apply to a specific individual. Chopra points out the limitations of trying to quantify someone's personal makeup. Intangible qualities such as giving of oneself and having a high regard for others impact aging. His main point is that through the power of developing our awareness (mindfulness), we have the ability to "defeat" (maybe diminish would be a better word) aging at its source. - Dr. Fred

Feb 21, North America's aging population - boon or bane?

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 03:19:59 GMT

It is a fact that the population in North America is aging. Baby boomers, those born between 1945 and 1964, represent the largest demographic in the the United States. Life expectancy is also increasing, with predictions that the current life expectancy of 78 will increase to 83 by 2050. Does this mean an inevitable decrease in economic activity and a lower standard of living? Recent research from the Kauffman Foundation shows the contrary: the aging population bodes well for North America's economy. Here are some key findings reported in a study entitled "The Coming Entrepreneurship Boom," examining entrepreneurial activity dating from 1996: - "In every single year from 1996 to 2007, Americans between the ages of 55 and 64 had a higher rate of entrepreneurial activity than those aged 20-34. - For the entire period, the 55-64 group averaged a rate of entrepreneurial activity roughly one-third larger than their youngest counterparts. - These trends seem likely to persist: in the Kauffman Firm Survey, a longitudinal survey of nearly 5,000 companies that began in 2004, two-thirds of firm founders are between the ages of 35 and 54.3 - Additionally, Kauffman research has revealed that the average age of the founders of technology companies in the United States is a surprisingly high 39 with twice as many over age 50 as under age 25.4." As a baby boomer myself and an entrepreneur, these findings do not surprise me. Am I a mid-life crisis entrepreneur? No, not really. Dr. Fred and I are having the time of our life sharing our knowledge and experience with the help of SiteSell, the main tool for building our website. I leave you with these words from the test pilot, Chuck Yeager: "You do what you can for as long as you can, and when you finally can't, you do the next best thing. You back up, but you don't give up." - Dr. Frank

Feb 20, Are you a depressed midlifer?

Sat, 20 Feb 2010 02:17:40 GMT

In earlier posts, I've made the assertion that human beings live in a state of low grade depression. My evidence for that is the condition of humanity and how that shows up in the world in terms of the challenges we face. I can provide many statistics to support my point of view. My assertion is also based on my 30 years of experience as a coach working with hundreds of people. I don't see many people going through life fully expressed and creating a world of possibility. We're not designed that way we're designed to reduce the risk that life offers to us. We're designed to survive, which isn't a high state of being. In this post, I want to distinguish major depression because of the high percentage of midlifers experiencing it as they deal with some big existential questions. If you experience either of the first two symptoms in the following list and four or more of the other symptoms continuously over at least a two week period, you may be experiencing a major depression: 1. Feeling depressed or sad most of the day.
2. Loss of interest or ability to derive pleasure from all or nearly all activities that were previously enjoyed.
3. Significant weight loss when not dieting, or weight gain, or a decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day.
4. Difficulty sleeping through the night or the need for more sleep during the day.
5. Noticeably slowed down or agitated throughout the day.
6. Feeling fatigued or a loss of energy nearly every day.
7. Feelings of worthlessness or extreme or inappropriate guilt.
8. Difficulties with concentration or the ability to think, which can also be seen by others as indecisiveness.
9. Recurrent thoughts of death or ideas about suicide or a suicide attempt.
Major depression isn't something to be shameful of or deny. It's not something you gloss over with positivism. It requires treatment. Working with a psychotherapist is essential. - Dr. Fred

Feb 19, Online books, money and other matters from an octogenarian

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 04:27:46 GMT

The other day I had a long telephone chat with my friend and mentor, Sigy, who lives down south for the winter months. For someone who will be 88 in a few months, he constantly amazes me with his intellectual vigor and curiosity. In a wide-ranging conversation, we talked about each of our families, friends and money matters (we both invest with the same asset management company, which he recommended to me several years ago). He always leaves me with one or two gems in each of our conversations. This time it had to do with the online book site he uses regularly, www.searchoverdrive.com. He raved about being able to get free downloads of certain books. I was not unaware of this site. And I thought I was Internet savvy about book sites! He uses it mainly to download - on his Mac Pro computer - audo versions of books, which he enjoys listening to on his iPod. One recent book that he got a kick out listening to was Life's Missing Instruction Manual by Joe Vitale (which, by the way, got very mixed reviews at Amazon books). After our conversation, I immediately visited the book site he recommended. I found that one of the most popular downloadable books was The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It. Although the title is quite catchy, books like these often do not contain much substance. However, David manages to present a variety of simple strategies, in succinct language, that are based on psychological studies and reports. I peeked into Amazon books and was drawn to chapter 2, "Use a strategy for happiness." Nevin writes, "Happy people let themselves be happy. Unhappy people continue doing things that upset them." He then summarizes a research finding from work of Lyubomirsky (1994): "Happy people do not experience one success after another and unhappy people, one failure after another. Instead, surveys show that happy and unhappy people tend to have had very similar life experiences. The difference is that the average unhappy person spends more than twice as much time thinking about unpleasant events in their lives, while happy people tend to seek and rely on information that brightens their personal outlook." - Dr. Frank

Feb 18, Dealing with midlife through anti-aging

Thu, 18 Feb 2010 03:18:22 GMT

I came across a website (Ageless Lifestyle Institute, created by Dr. Michael Brickey) through an article I was reading in which the title of the homepage is "Fed up with all the bull@#* about aging?" Anti-aging is the site's theme, which I'm not necessarily an advocate for. I think aging gracefully, while at the same time being youthful is the way to go. However, I do support some of the ideas put forth. Dr. Brickey says: "Choosing a youthful lifestyle requires trashing the conventional beliefs that have become habits embedded in your unconscious mind and learning life enhancing attitudes, beliefs, and coping skills that foster youthfulness and health." Good stuff! Through our website and the resources we provide, Dr. Frank and I are offering a new model of aging referred to as the "Rising Energy Model," characterized by the four "Rs": regeneration; revitalization; rebirth and rejuvenation contrasted with the "Declining Energy Model," characterized by the four "Ds,": decrepitude; dependency; disease and depression. Just because we have a number associated with our age, doesn't mean we can't maintain our youthfulness. So, in this way, Dr. Brickey shares a similar philosophy. The site offers some questions to reflect on that I suggest you engage with. 1. Do you believe and accept compliments? 2. Do you have at least one passionate interest? 3. Have you laughed out loud in the last 24 hours? 4. Do you spend at least a half-hour a day reading for enjoyment? 5. When someone disappoints you, do you let it go within a week? 6. Do you breathe deeply at least a few minutes every day? 7. Do you have a sense of purpose in your life? 8. Do you engage in an activity several times a week that gets you in a relaxed state? 9. When you talk to yourself, is most of the conversation positive? 10. Do you think next year will be better than this year? If you answered only two to three questions in the affirmative, the author, Dr. Brickey, would say "you probably feel older than your age" and he might encourage you to choose one of the items above and work on it through self-reflection and journaling. There's a longer 42-item test that probes a bit further. The emphasis seems to be on "treating happiness as a skill to be learned." - Dr. Fred

Feb 17, An old twist on happiness

Wed, 17 Feb 2010 04:45:31 GMT

Today is Ash Wednesday, an important date in the Christian calendar for the more than 2 billion Christians worldwide. It marks the first day of Lent and occurs 46 days before Easter. The use of ashes is associated with repentance, a practice with deep roots in the Judeo-Christian tradition. In Genesis we find this sobering thought: "Remember, O man, that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return." Ash Wednesday is a good time for me to reflect on the values I hold and the choices that I make in every day life. You might ask yourself these questions. What does faith mean to you? What does spirituality mean to you? What role does each play in your midlife transition? As a Christian, my faith provides me an inner peace and happiness. Humility, love, gratitude, appreciation, a desire for justice, peacefulness, compassion, forgiveness, self-control are some of the values and principles that are important for me. The following words are a poetic expression of these values and principles. The Eight Beatitudes of Christ "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy,
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
- Dr. Frank

Feb 16, Spiritual Intelligence and spiritual life coaching

Tue, 16 Feb 2010 05:32:15 GMT

A few days ago, I was having a strategic conversation with two business partners. As a way of defending his particular view on a subject we were discussing, one of them proclaimed that he was a "smart guy." That kind of remark typically triggers something in me, because I know there is more than one kind of intelligence. Smart in our culture connotes linguistic and logical-mathematical intelligence. Some people wear it as a badge of honor. It's a very narrow definition and creates problems in the way we assess people as well as in our approach to teaching, counselling and learning. Dr. Howard Gardner, professor of education at Harvard University developed the theory of multiple intelligences in 1983. It suggests that the traditional notion of intelligence, based on I.Q. testing, is far too limited. Instead, Dr. Gardner proposes eight different intelligences to account for a broader range of human potential in children and adults. These intelligences are: - Linguistic intelligence ("word smart")
- Logical-mathematical intelligence ("number/reasoning smart")
- Spatial intelligence ("picture smart")
- Bodily-Kinesthetic intelligence ("body smart")
- Musical intelligence ("music smart")
- Interpersonal intelligence ("people smart")
- Intrapersonal intelligence ("self smart")
- Naturalist intelligence ("nature smart")
I want to suggest that there's another kind of intelligence spiritual intelligence. For the last 30 years, I've come to appreciate that we are connected to something larger than ourselves. It could be called God, source, consciousness, the one, for example. In my view, it's an integral part of what it is to be a human being. When I'm having coaching conversations with my clients, I'm relating to them at that level as well as their other intelligences. Terri-E-Belf, author of the book Coaching With Spirit distinguishes these aspects of spiritual intelligence: - How we address and solve issues of meaning, purpose, and value;
- Our desire to connect to something larger than ourselves;
- What generates our capacity for transformation;
- What allows us to change the rules and to create new possibilities;
- The source of our vision, looking at what can be in the light of what is;
- Our conscience, supporting us in taking a stand to do the right thing; and
- What leads us to generate bottom-line results that support and sustain us.
Change and transition are fundamental to life and can present a challenge to those of us who are on a path of midlife development. Engaging in conversations with a coach and/or therapist who integrates spiritual intelligence into their way of relating to their clients can be extremely valuable. - Dr. Fred

Feb 15, Good news and bad news for midlifers

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 03:09:33 GMT

First, the good news is that Canadians are living longer. According to Susan Eng, Vice President of Advocacy at the Canadian Association of Retired People (CARP), "Research shows that if you reach age 65 and you're married, there is a good chance one of you will reach your 90th birthday. Half of the time, one spouse will reach age 92, and a full quarter of the time, one will reach 97." However, the bad news is that fewer Canadians are planning and saving for retirement. According to a recent RBC RRSP (Registered retirement savings plan) poll, "One-in-three Canadians (32) have not started saving for retirement yet, compared to one-in-four (24) in 2008. The study also found that only 36 say they are planning or have planned for retirement, down from 42 to 2008. The decline is most noticeable among those 55 and over, with fewer (53) doing any retirement planning compared to 2008 (67). Older persons need to wake up and create a longevity plan, not only for their own peace of mind, but for other reasons as well. These include supporting adult children, dealing with family structure changes, and taking care of elderly parents, who are living longer. Do you have an adequate investment plan? What about an insurance plan? Do you have extra health-insurance, apart from your company plan? Have you done any estate planning, such as having an updated will with power of attorney? Do you have a trusted financial advisor who can help you navigate these complicated waters? It is easy to avoid making hard decisions. But before you know it, it may be too late to attain the kind of lifestyle you would wish for when you are in your 80's or 90's. As Writer Fay Weldon once put it, "You end up as you deserve. In old-age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned." - Dr. Frank

Feb 14, Midlife development and serious play

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 03:57:21 GMT

Recently, I watched a TED presentation on "serious play" by play researcher and psychiatrist, Stuart Brown. His research shows that play is very much related to human development and intelligence. Play is not just about being joyful and energized. My interest in watching the video was piqued by my experience of participating in the Landmark Education Wisdom Course in which play is one of its key components. I like the definition from their brochure "the sheer enjoyment of "being" in the give and take of daily life, with no other motive or agenda." As a result of completing the course, I brought more play into my relationships with others and it led to using play as a way to learn new things and develop myself. One of the distinctions of Brown's talk that hit home for me was the distinction, neoteny. Neoteny is the retention of childlike attributes in adulthood. Human beings take almost 20 years until we become adults at which point most of us stop playing and focus on work. We lose our sense of playfulness and with it being curious, experimenting and being less open to learning. It could be said that the future of the planet depends on integrating more play into our lives which will result in more of a working together, embracing change and being creative. - Dr. Fred

Feb 13, Exclusive interview with Jane Barratt on critical issues facing older persons

Sat, 13 Feb 2010 03:58:43 GMT

This week's midlife interview puts the spotlight on Dr. Jane Barratt, Secretary General of the International Federation on Ageing (IFA), which is linked to the World Health Organization, the United Nations public health arm. In the interview, Dr. Barratt shares with us her circuitous career path to become Secretary General of the IFA, an organization with 15 million members. She goes on to describe the different roles of the IFA in protecting the rights of older people internationally, improving government policies directed to older people, and improving their quality of life. Part of Dr. Barratt's role has to do with demystifying perceptions of older persons. According to her, it is important how we use language when talking about older people. She prefers to use the term "older person" rather than elderly, the aged, or oldies. Government policy should not get stuck on chronological age. She regards older people as a revered group with much wisdom to hand down. Listen to the interview to learn about the many critical issues facing older people internationally. - Dr. Frank

Feb 12, Midlife marriage insurance

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 04:33:19 GMT

According to a recent survey conducted by AARP Magazine, over 60 percent of divorces are initiated by women in their 40s, 50s or 60s -- the menopause years. Experts say the number one reason for divorce is lack of communication. However, the findings of experts like Staness Jonekos, author of The Menopause Makeover are that women in menopause report that in self-survival (issues of identity, hormonal changes, body changes, career change, loss of loved ones, caring for elderly parents) the last thing they want to do is connect and have sex. I've always been an advocate for open and honest communication; anything can be resolved through communication if the parties involved are willing to come to the conversation with a commitment to working things out rather than holding on to their point of view. The willingness part is a key part of the equation timing is everything. Jonekos puts forth the notion of acquiring "midlife marriage insurance" that requires action from both him and her. Here's a brief summary of her points (click on the link below for her complete article in The Huffington Post)... "Midlife Marriage Insurance For Him 1. Listen to her; don't criticize or try to fix her. 2. Go with the flow; be prepared for mood swings. 3. Be compassionate, and validate her experience (that means agree with her, don't try to fix her). 4. Cuddle more. Tell her you love her and that she is beautiful. You may just get lucky. If not, do not take it personally." I like her final point: "If numbers one through nine fail disappear for a while. She may be seriously cranky and need space to focus on herself." "Midlife Marriage Insurance For Her 1. Communicate with your partner. Don't shut him out let him know what you need. Understand he may be confused by your changes. 2. Build a support group. 3. If you are not happy in your current relationship, discuss counseling." Based on my experience of living with my ex-partner in life who was menopausal during the last few years of our relationship living together, I think what Jonekos suggests is dead on. I would also say that menopause (both female and male) can trigger a disruption of the relationship resulting in a split, which could be what was really needed. That was certainly my case. - Dr. Fred

Feb 11, How do you count what counts?

Thu, 11 Feb 2010 02:46:42 GMT

A while back Dr. Fred wrote a soul-searching piece asking the question "How do you count what counts?" People use different measuring sticks for achieving success and in a sense being happy with their life: money, position, acquisition, status, power, career success, ability to help others, loving, parenting, friendships, sexual prowess, travel, integrity, caring, spirituality. He referred to research looking at the biographies of hundreds of twentieth century "successful" adults. He reported that these people measure their lives with six core values or passions: personal mastery, achievement, intimacy, play and creativity, search for meaning, and compassion or contribution. Kar Rabeder a 47 year-old millionaire Austrian businessman has made news recently by saying what counts for him: feeling free. He is in the process of selling everything he owns including his two million dollar villa in the Alps and his farmhouse in Provence, giving all his money to his microcredit charity he set up in Central and South America, and moving to a small wooden hut in the mountains. He made the following comments to a reporter for the UK`sThe Daily Telegraph: "My idea is to have nothing left. Absolutely nothing. Money is counterproductive it prevents happiness to come." "For a long time I believed that more wealth and luxury automatically meant more happiness. I come from a very poor family where the rules were to work more to achieve more material things, and I applied this for many years." "More and more I heard the words: 'Stop what you are doing now all this luxury and consumerism and start your real life'. I had the feeling I was working as a slave for things that I did not wish for or need." His epiphany came after a three-week trip to Hawaii with his wife. He came away feeling empty and disenchanted with the "horrible, soulless and without feeling" five-star lifestyle; he also felt guilt about the poverty he witnessed on trips to South America and Africa. He now feels "free, the opposite of heavy." In the same spirit, Lyne Twist, author of The Soul of Money: Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Life quotes Mark Kinney: " Money is like an iron ring we put through our nose. It is now leading us around wherever it wants. We just forgot that we are ones who designed it." - Dr. Frank

Feb 10, Having a happier more balanced "In-Look"

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 04:27:03 GMT

From time-to-time, as I'm going through my work day, I catch myself being very serious. I'm caught up in what Tim Gallwey, author of the book, The Inner Game of Work refers to as "performance momentum." "Performance momentum" is a state in which we're caught up in doingness; caught up in our habitual patterns of doing and thinking. It's like being on automatic pilot, operating in our default mode without awareness. Does this quote resonate with you? "Im in a hurry to get things done. Oh, I rush and rush until lifes no fun. All I really got to do is live and die. But Im in a hurry and dont know why." -anonymous There are a number of practices or techniques I use to interrupt this state; one I recently learned through Paul Pearsall's book, Write Your Own Pleasure Prescription He says that instead of being driven by our hardwiring for survival and looking "out there" for possible threats, he suggests that an alternative for deriving pleasure from our lives is having a happy "in-look," paying more attention to the wonders and simple gifts of just being alive. He offers "three pleasure-prompter questions" that I've found useful. Write down and read your answers out loud to yourself (there's more to it than what I'm sharing with you. Check out the link below). 1. Are you smiling right now? Are you taking great pleasure at this moment in being alive, seeing, thinking and feeling? Answer, yes, or no. Then write down how you're feeling and looking at this moment. Describe your feelings, attitudes, body sensations and how others might view you. 2. Do you regularly make others smile? Do people love to be around you? Do you bring pleasure to them? Answer, yes or no. Write down the last time and place you shared meaningful pleasure with someone. Describe that person. 3. Is your being alive a source of nurturance to the planet? Answer, yes or no. Describe the last time when you contributed to the well-being of the environment? If you take on this practice from time-to-time as I have, you'll find that you've interrupted your "performance momentum" as well as being in a happier state. Insight plus practice creates new ways of being; very useful for midlife development. - Dr. Fred

Feb 9, What did you eat yesterday?

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 13:33:57 GMT

"Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." That is the advice my naturopathic doctor, Kadeja Lefebvre, gave me recently when she put me on a four-week detoxification diet. It is also the advice that Michael Pollan offers in his new book, Food Rules: An Eater's Manual To help my liver perform better, I decided to follow Dr. Kadeja's advice. No meat. No wheat. No dairy. No sugar. No alcohol. No caffeine. No grapefruit juice. All during four weeks. I just completed the second week of the diet and I must say it is quite a challenge. I have lost a few pounds, of course. But I must say I enjoy feeling lighter, and I'm as energetic as usual. Michael Pollan's eating advice is not quite as drastic. However, he makes a strong case for back-to-basics, healthy eating. Jane Brody, personal health columnist for The New York Times, writes this about Pollan's book: "I have come across nothing more intelligent, sensible and simple to follow than the 64 principles outlined in this new book." Pollan states two fundamental facts about the Western diet: 1. Westerners eat lots of processed foods, meat, added fat, sugar and refined grains. They also "invariably suffer from high rates of the so-called Western diseases: obesity, Type II diabetes, cardiovascular disease and cancer." 2. People who consume "traditional" diets, i.e., non-typical supermarket foods, have much lower rates of these diseases. Pollan mixes in some humor with his advice too: "If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don't." "Don't eat anything your great grandmother wouldn't recognize as food." "Don't eat anything with more than five ingredients, or ingredients you can't pronounce." Of course, we do not want to make eating sound like an exercise in army boot camp. My wife, Jacqueline, has some sensible advice. Make the "S" days your splurge days. Treat yourself to croissant and coffee in the morning, cheese and baguette for lunch, and steak and wine for supper. I like that advice too, but not for another two weeks. - Dr. Frank

Feb 8, Our current model of Physical Education (P.E.) isn't working

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 04:58:14 GMT

Consider this Stats Canada conclusion: "Between 1981 and 2009, fitness levels of Canadian children and youth, as well as those of adults, declined significantly, according to the first findings from the Canadian Health Measures Survey (CHMS). This is the most comprehensive national survey ever conducted in Canada to determine fitness levels." There are many contributing factors that may be involved. I'm asserting that one of them is our physical education system in the U.S. and Canada. In his book, Body, Mind, and Sport: The Mind-Body Guide to Lifelong Health, Fitness, and Your Personal Best, John Douillard, M.D, puts forth this question, "What was everyone's favourite class when they were in school?" Based on his experience, Douillard said it had to be P.E.. To his surprise, he discovered that many children didn't participate in P.E. classes, so they failed the course. He cites a Louis Harris poll that disclosed that upwards of 50 percent of Americans experience their first major failure in life as a sports failure. Douillard gives two reasons why kids drop out of sports and physical education programs: 1. Fear of rejection and failure
2. Lack of fun
Unfortunately, these factors continue to play out in adulthood. What is used to motivate adults and those of us who are middle aged to engage with sports and fitness is the fear of some future consequence like disease, loss of youthfulness and death. These are poor motivators for long lasting change. What is more effective is using a wellness orientation to life based on short-term pleasure and a process-oriented relationship to those activities we engage with. The purpose of dancing isn't how fast we get to the end of the dance! When I started running regularly 32 years ago, I was driven. I pushed myself to run faster and faster. Then longer and longer. It wasn't okay for me to stop and take a short rest. What happened is that I incurred injuries and burnt out. Then I discovered yoga, Buddhist meditation and The Alexander Technique. I became much more gentler with myself, enjoyed my fitness activities more and had less injuries. A mind-body relationship to fitness can make all the difference! - Dr.Fred

Feb 7, Exercise is a modern superstition

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 05:18:21 GMT

Yes, that is what George Santayana, Spanish-American philosopher and novelist who lived to the ripe age of 89 by the way wrote. "Exercise is a modern superstition invented by people who ate too much and had nothing to think about. Athletics don't make anybody either long-lived or useful." Researchers from three prestigious institutions: Harvard School of Public Health, Brigham and Womens Hospital and Harvard Medical School, Boston, Massachusetts, would not agree. They did research with more than 13,500 women who reported their level of activity in 1986, starting at the average age of 60. They found that the women who lived to 70 or more and exercised more at the beginning of the study had lower chances of having chronic diseases, physical, cognitive or mental difficulties, and heart disease. Older women and particularly older Americans should take note. Twenty-five percent of the later group do not take part in any physical activity. There are high chances that women will live well into their 90s. But if they don't take of themselves their quality of life will suffer. Older people need to understand that physical activity can increase overall health and well-being as they age. One researcher commented: The notion that physical activity can promote successful survival rather than simply extend the lifespan may provide particularly strong motivation for initiating activity." I don't have to convince my wife, Jacqueline, about the importance of physical activity. While I was doing 60 laps at the pool the other day, she was doing 82. - Dr. Frank

Feb 6, Job interview challenges for midlifers in transition

Sat, 06 Feb 2010 11:53:30 GMT

A female friend of mine, in her late 50s, phoned me a few weeks ago, asking for assistance in finding a job. For the last 12 years, she's operated her own business consulting business. She's an intelligent, competent, likable and articulate woman, who has an M.B.A. degree. Working on her own has been a real challenge for her in terms of the viability of her business. With her husband retiring in the next year, she wants to make sure that she brings in enough income to make his life comfortable. Giving up her business and looking for a job has become her solution to this problem. Here's how someone like her in midlife is perceived by many employers in the job interview process: 1. Older workers are "overpriced" because of their experience. They won't stay with the employer and will experience less satisfaction if they're not paid according to their seniority. 2. They're settling. Mature workers are applying for positions for which they're overqualified. They need a job. They'll leave once something better comes up. 3. They've lost the "edge." The fear is that they won't have the drive of their younger counterparts. 4. Mature workers have less flexibility than younger workers who also have greater mobility. 5. They may not portray the right image for the company or be a match for the culture. For other considerations that employers may have in regard to mature job candidates, as well as ways to overcome these objections, check the link below. In my experience coaching many business owners and professionals, the ones that truly succeed in running a business aren't necessarily the most competent, however they're effective in marketing and sales or at least have delegated these tasks. They're willing to be visible and "blow their own horn." - Dr. Fred

Feb 5, Turning a job loss into an opportunity

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 05:44:20 GMT

Losing your job can be a pretty traumatic experience. You might feel anger and resentment. You might question your self esteem. You might ask yourself where you are going to find the money to pay the bills. You might feel you are in a no-man's land full of unpredictability and insecurity. You might wonder how you are going to fill your days. But it doesn't have to be that way. You can turn losing a job into an opportunity, just like I did. Listen to my take on losing a job in the February 3 podcast episode, "Job Loss." I share the unsettling experience I had in losing a "prestigious" job and my immediate emotional reaction to it. I talk about the steps I took in creating new work opportunities and coming up with the idea of a blockbuster project. I also talk about entrepreneurial mindset that you need to adopt if you plan on doing freelance or consulting work. If you wish to share your own experience in losing a job and how you turned things around or if you have a question, please write me at Contact Us. - Dr. Frank

Feb 4, Midlife development: It's all invented!

Thu, 04 Feb 2010 05:44:47 GMT

Benjamin Zander, author of the book, The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life, shares this story... "A shoe factory sends two marketing scouts to a region of Africa to study the prospects for expanding business. One sends back a telegram saying, SITUATION HOPELESS STOP NO ONE WEARS SHOES The other writes back triumphantly, GLORIOUS BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY STOP THEY HAVE NO SHOES" Earlier today, I had a conversation with a friend about a project we've been working on. My way of relating to it was similar to the first marketing scout in the story above, in which I made some conclusions that could be considered "negative." With the same data, my friend's interpretation was similar to the second scout, which could be considered "positive." Both conclusions are equally valid. However, each one creates a different way of relating to the situation. The point is (and I was reminded of this in my conversation with my friend) that human beings have the capacity to create (invent) their futures and not be limited by their histories and circumstances. We do this by speaking in a specific way, which is technically called a "conversation for possibility" rather than a "conversation for no possibility." In midlife, practicing conversations for possibility gives us a new and exciting future. - Dr. Fred

Feb 3, What is the difference between income and net worth?

Wed, 03 Feb 2010 05:24:12 GMT

A few years ago, I attended a Millionaire Mind Intensive weekend event given by Harv Eker, author of Secrets of the Millionaire Mind. He stressed the importance of knowing your net worth down to the penny. He wasn`t recommending that you become obsessed with money, but rather he wanted to encourage you to being money savvy. Thomas Stanley is also interested in net worth. In fact, he`s written two books on the topic: The Millionaire Next Door and, more recently, Stop Acting Rich . . . and Start Living Like a Real Millionaire. Stanley's work shows that there is indeed a big difference between income and net worth or wealth. Here are a few points that Stanley makes in his new book: - There are a lot of people out there pretending that they are wealthy because they generate a good income and live the high life. In fact, these pretenders are the least efficient in turning their incomes into wealth. - Remember those "poor dad" teachers from Robert Kiyosaki"s Rich Dad, Poor Dad. Well, there are more than 350,000 millionaire teachers or professors out there, either still working or retired. - Eighty six percent of the big, hot shot motor vehicles are driven by pretenders, not millionaires. - Forty percent of millionaires look for wine costing around $10.00. - Seventy five percent of millionaires live in homes valued under $300,000. Are a pretender or are you wealthy? - Dr. Frank

Feb 2, Feel-good happiness versus value-based happiness

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 04:17:08 GMT

Leisure time can present a big problem for many people, especially those of you who are middle aged and considering retirement as an option. What will you do to fill the free time you may be anticipating? When I use the word retirement, I'm not talking about the kind where you spend your time playing golf, watching television and moving to a warm climate and taking it easy. I'm talking about active retirement, where you're engaged in something that matters to you. All the same, you will most likely need to make an adjustment as you go through a transition. Of course, I'm assuming that a typical scenario while you were working is that you had a full-time job or you were a business owner, who worked long hours. Fortunately, I've been a solopreneur for most of my working life. With the freedom (time and space) that comes with being my own boss comes the responsibility of getting the most out of the free time that I have. Some psychologists have distinguished two types of happiness: feel-good happiness and value-based happiness. Feel-good happiness is where you derive pleasure from the activities you're engaged in, like watching TV. It's short term and it's characterized by the law of diminishing returns within a short time (minutes to hours), the satisfaction derived from the activity goes down to zero. Value-based happiness comes from meaningful activities that serve a higher purpose consistent with one's values. There's an experience of fulfillment. Typically, these activities aren't characterized by the law of diminishing returns. Ernie Zelinski, in his book, How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free says that a leisure pursuit will be fulfilling if it meets all or most of eight criteria (I'll list four. Check out his book for the rest): 1. You have a genuine interest in it.
2. It is challenging.
3. There is some sense of accomplishment associated with completing only a portion of it.
4. It has many aspects to it so it doesn't become boring.
What I've just shared may be paradoxical to my view that boredom can provide an access to peace and happiness. I've spent 10 days meditating with others while maintaining complete silence. Some would call this, doing nothing. Some call it "non-doing." They are very different inactivity and boredom are non issues. - Dr. Fred

Feb 1, Good reasons for starting a part-time online business

Mon, 01 Feb 2010 05:04:53 GMT

I just read a neat article by Janice Charles on Articlesbase entitled "Starting a part-time online business," a topic that I have often written about myself. I share her enthusiasm for going into business for yourself. Here are the key points she makes in her article: 1. While finding a part-time job could be difficult today, starting your own part-time business may be easier and it could give you extra income on the side. 2. A part-time online business can be done by a stay-at-home parent or by someone who wants to add income on top of a full-time job. 3. Building a part-time business costs a fraction of what it takes to build a traditional business. 4. Seek out a mentor who can teach you about starting a business and making it a success. (Here is where I recommend using Site Build It! to get you up and running in a relatively short time. See the link below for more information.) 5. Put together a business plan that maps out your strategy for both the short and long-term as well as a number of hours you can invest in the new business. 6. Use it as a transition before quitting a full-time position which will allow you the pleasure and also challenge of working for yourself. - Dr. Frank

Jan 31, Midlife transition and "The Ridiculous Behaviour Generator"

Sun, 31 Jan 2010 04:07:59 GMT

At this point in my life. I'm in the "neutral zone" of a transition, in which it feels like I'm suspended between two trapezes. I'm not sure what direction I want to take my coaching business. Maybe there are other expressions of work (well, I'm sure there are) that fit with what I most enjoy doing and where I can use my strengths. If you're familiar with this website, I often share that I've gone through five career transitions. Being in the "neutral zone" is not my favourite place to be. I get just a touch too touchy and serious. When I find myself in this state of irritability and solemness, there's a technique I've been using to put myself into a lighter state that I didn't realize was an NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) technique. It's called, "The Ridiculous Behaviour Generator" and here's how it goes: 1. Think of a situation where you want to have fun.
2. See yourself over there in the situation, like you are watching a movie.
3. See yourself having fun, joking with the other people.
4. Go back to the start of the movie and try out a different way of having more fun.
5. Again from the start, see yourself in the movie and do some behavior that you would never do in reality.
6. Break state. Think of the situation again and notice how you feel better about it and look forward to having even more fun in the situation in the future. With practice in using this technique, I'm becoming more effective in tapping into my "funny zone." Another way I've used to access my "funny zone" is by using "Laughter Yoga." Like the technique above, I wasn't aware that it's a formalized technique with a name. Actually, the only person I allow myself to do this is with my best friend, Louise. It's a great stress reliever. You can check it out through the link below. - Dr. Fred

Jan 30, Inspiring message or self-help mishmash

Sat, 30 Jan 2010 04:14:34 GMT

The other day a business colleague of mine called to rave about Kevin Hall's new book, Aspire: Discovering Your Purpose Through the Power of Words. She had just returned from a business convention in Florida, where the author had given an inspiring talk to hundreds of participants. She was not alone in her high praise of the book. I checked out the book on Amazon.com and found out there were 108 customer reviews, 107 of which were a five-star rating. I had never seen that kind of adulation before on Amazon. So it obviously piqued my curiosity. I looked into the book and found that the foreword was written by none other than Stephen Covey. He had this to say about Chapter 1 of the book: "You will discover the Secret Word. It is an ancient incredibly empowering word from India that I have personally found to be amazingly potential releasing. Discovering this word alone, and learning how to tap into its power, is more than worth the price of the book." I read Chapter 1 with high expectations but came away disappointed. Although the storyline is quite entertaining (in the story telling tradition of Og Mandino), I did not find much new substance in the material. The author revisits the work of such inspiring figures as Mother Teresa and Dr. Victor Frankl, who have been written about in countless other books. I learned that the Secret Word is "Genshai," which means "that you should never treat another person in a manner that would make them feel small." It is a certainly a worthwhile concept, but not much different from that spoken by a well-known figure in the New Testament. I was, however, touched by the story of the author's mother. At her funeral, a man a teenage high school dropout and recovered alcoholic came up to Hall with tears streaming down his face. He told him how she had believed in him but he did not believe in himself. He told Hall, "Without your mother's help, I wouldn't be here today." It reminded me of my own father, a gruff seaman who worked in the merchant marine all his life and never uttered a kind word for Jews, blacks or Hispanics. When I was in college, I had the opportunity one summer to work with my father as a seaman on the SS United States. I had the surprise of my life when a huge, hulking black sailor came up to me and asked if I was Frank's son. When I nodded yes, he began telling me what a kind, generous man my father was for helping him out of financial trouble. Now that was a revelation to me and I never viewed my father the same way again. It is up to you to decide whether Aspire offers a new, inspiring message or a rehash of classic self-help material. - Dr. Frank

Jan 29, A workplace "happiness coach" - you got to be kidding!

Fri, 29 Jan 2010 04:48:21 GMT

That's not a remark I would make but I think that most business owners would react to the idea of a happiness coach coming into the workplace. What prompted this post is I read an article in "The Juggle" section of the Wall Street Journal blog. According to Sue Shellenbarger, the author, happiness coaches apply psychological methods and the wisdom of spiritual traditions to teach inner peace, gratitude, kindness and resiliency in dealing with adversity. Skeptics will say that this is nonsense. For example, Barbara Ehrenreich in her book, Bright-Sided claims that American's obsession with positive thinking distracts them from dealing with serious problems. However, there's evidence that happiness training works, which doesn't surprise me. As a coach, who has worked with many business owners and professionals, I've found that like myself, when they get into in a space of survival and seriousness their creativity and productivity goes down. An important part of my work is bringing lightness to the conversations people engage in, so they're not trapped in their drama. I think that's what all effective coaches do and we don't need to be labeled "happiness coaches." Here's a quote from the book, Nuts! Southwest Airlines' Crazy Recipe for Business and Personal Success... "'Terminal professionalism'" is the term coined by the authors to describe the way today's overworked, overstressed, underpaid, and underplaying individuals work. Terminal professionals and the organizations in which they work have come to believe that humor is unprofessional and silliness is for children. Southwest Airlines believes that failure to nourish and encourage lightness in the workplace not only undermines productivity, creativity, adaptability, and morale, but can also drive people crazy. By putting humor at the top of its list of recruiting and hiring criteria, Southwest has found a way to nourish joy, pride, and just plain fun in people on and off the job." Being happy, being playful are creative acts. In going through midlife change and transition, cultivating happiness can make all the difference. - Dr. Fred

Jan 28, Turning a hobby into a new business

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 04:54:41 GMT

Recently I've written about three individuals turning their passion into a successful online business, built through hard work, creativity and the help of Site Build It! Here is another success story from Valerie Young, internationally-recognized career expert. "Successful artist Ann Kullberg always loved to draw. But when this single mother of two discovered professional-grade colored pencils it wasnt long before her art was winning awards. Ann knew that drawing alone wouldnt pay the bills at least not right away. So in the early years, she supplemented her art by substitute teaching and cleaning houses. Ann also got busy coming up with creative ways to spin her love for drawing into income. Thirteen years later Ann travels the country teaching classes, does commissioned portraits, has a contract to write a second book, and is designing colored pencil by number kits for beginners. Ann also came up with the idea of having her own on-line magazine where professionals and novices alike sign up for book reviews, critiques of artists work, business and art advice, workshop listings and more. In the first four months over 200 paying subscribers signed up." Valerie Young recommends the following action steps to get started on your own new career: - Get a notebook and label it Shopping for a Living, Knitting, Fly Fishing, or whatever your particular hobby might be. - Start filling it with the research youre going to do on all the ways people are getting paid to shop, knit, or fly fish. Associations are a great source of information. For example, if youre into crafts youll find a wealth of information at the National Craft Associations website including a list of craft and trade shows, a small business center, and a directory of wholesale reps. - Check out book stores. They are filled with how-to and business-related books for just about every hobby you can think of. - Look at niche magazines. Check out the magazine section of any large bookstore and youre bound to find publications like Cats & Kittens, Canoe & Kyack, and Gold Prospecting. Be sure to peruse the ads for clues as to how other people are making money from this interest area. - Once your research is one, break your larger goal down into a series of small, manageable steps. Block out time at night and on the weekends to start working your plan. Before you know it, your work will feel like play! - Dr. Frank

Jan 27, A new interview with Gretchen Rubin, best selling author of The Happiness Project

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 05:22:53 GMT

One day, while riding a bus, Gretchen Rubin, a lawyer had an epiphany in asking herself the question, "What do I want from life anyway?" It wasn't that she wasn't happy, however, she felt that she could attain higher levels of happiness. This led to her investing one year of her life in studying the various disciplines that deal with happiness including psychology, philosophy, literature and the wisdom traditions. She used her life experiences to create what she called The Happiness Project in which she discovered the small steps that contributed most to her happiness. Rather than keeping her findings to herself, she developed a website, The Happiness Project, with the intent of inviting her visitors to create their own happiness projects and share their experiences. Out of this endeavor came the material for the book. Here's a taste of what she writes in her book (from the jacket) and addresses in the interview... "Her conclusions are sometimes surprising she finds that money can buy happiness, when spent wisely; that novelty and challenge are powerful sources of happiness; that "treating" yourself can make you feel worse; that venting bad feelings doesn't relieve them; that the very smallest of changes can make the biggest difference and they range from the practical to the profound." - Dr. Fred

Jan 26, Why don't you grow up

Tue, 26 Jan 2010 06:42:42 GMT

Both Dr. Fred and I have written often about the importance of bringing passion and energy to your life's work. But what do you do if you don't know which way to turn? I'd like to share with you some words from Valerie Young, internationally-recognized career expert. In an article entitled, "Still Don't Know What You Want To Be 'When You Grow Up?' Here Are 3 Ways To Find Out," Valerie Young writes: "In his famous interview with Bill Moyers, renowned mythology scholar Joseph Campbell said, 'The way to find out about your happiness, is to keep your mind on those moments when you feel most happy, when you are really happy not excited, not just thrilled, but deeply happy.' The first place to search for clues to your present day passion is in your own childhood. I once read about a man, who, as a young boy loved to make sand castles. Guess what he does for a living now? He runs a company that travels around the world making elaborate sand sculptures for ocean-side special events! What about today? What so engrosses you that you scarcely notice the time? Is it watching NASCAR racing? Gardening? Tinkering with a broken toaster? Surfing the Internet? Exploring a museum? Traveling? Helping a friend work through a problem? Tracing your family history? Organizing a closet? Working with children? Get a small pad of paper or dedicate a section of your organizer to your passion. As something new hits you, add it to the list. Still stumped? Try making up your own 'Id rather be__________' bumper sticker. Would you rather be following sports, writing poetry, gardening, shopping, fixing things, fishing, watching reruns of your favorite childhood shows?" You might want to check out a three-day workshop and retreat, "Profiting from Your Passions," Valerie Young is offering from Feb. 26-28, 2010. - Dr. Frank

Jan 25, Is bigger really better?

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 04:47:22 GMT

I'm not talking about sex here. Much of the current resources available on personal growth and change claims that to truly reinvent yourself, to grow and develop, to be fulfilled, you need to take on a big challenge, something that you may deem to be impossible to fulfill. In engaging in this kind of game or arena, your identity (who you consider yourself to be) will be ruined. Your being will be transformed and you'll find yourself producing extraordinary results. Okay, that sounds valid. I usually get hooked by this conversation because I say to myself, I'm playing small. People also tell me, "Fred, you need to play a bigger game." Maybe playing small is equally valid. Maybe the important thing is to engage with, and connect fully to, what really matters to us because for the most part, we don't know who we truly are. Some of us just aren't interested in creating a big game. In business, for example, we may like the idea of being a one man operation or small team operation. I think the important thing is not to focus on our smallness. We're capable of achieving much more than we think. There's something available to us in relating to our bigness, to our goodness beyond our design of not being enough and/or good enough. - Dr. Fred

Jan 24, Gretchen Rubin on creating a happiness project

Sun, 24 Jan 2010 21:28:58 GMT

Gretchen Rubin shares the value of developing a personal happiness project

Jan 24, Setting Health and Fitness Goals for 2010

Sun, 24 Jan 2010 12:58:28 GMT

I occasionally write about the importance of proper exercise and good eating habits, topics dear to my heart (and good for it as well). As a lifestyle athlete in my early 60s, I am dedicated to keeping myself healthy and fit on a daily basis. One of my health and fitness goals for this year is to use my home gym at least twice a week. Another goal is to add new equipment to my gym on an ongoing basis. I recently did an inventory of equipment in my home gym and here is what I came up with: - weightllifting bench
- Olympic weight set (with iron plates ranging from 45 pounds to 5 pounds)
- three sets of dumbbells
- weighlifting gloves and belt
- chin-up bar
- exercise mat
- wobble board
- stability ball
- jump rope
- wrist and ankle weights
- heavy duty power tube
- medicine ball
- step-up platform
- stationary bike
As the year moves on, I may add a kettlebell to my repertoire of equipment. I also intend to get an heart monitor. Actually, I should have purchased this item a long time ago since I train regularly and do triathlons during the summer months. If you intend to add to your own home gym with some of the fitness equipment I use, I recommend you take advantage of Amazon.com's
New Year New You in 2010 sale event [event is now closed].

Jan 23, Self discovery through appreciating another's reality

Sat, 23 Jan 2010 07:57:34 GMT

Earlier today, I had a disagreement with a friend of mine. My tendency is to "shoot from the hip." I've never been accused of being subtle. My friend, on the other hand is a model of diplomacy and for the most part avoids expressing the so called "negative emotions," especially anger. In my view, it's very rare to find people who are fully self-expressed. Most of us and I include myself go through life wearing a suppression lid. There's something very attractive about being around fully expressed people. It's like being in the presence of a child-like essence, very natural and unconstrained. Good speakers and entertainers demonstrate this quality. What I found refreshing about the call with my friend is that he actually expressed some anger. It got my juices going. I consider fights or disagreements enlivening, engaging and healthy. However, it is important for the sake of the relationship to clean up (apologize, for example) any messes (upsets) that may have been created. One of the sayings that I think is dead on is that "reality is in the eyes of the beholder." My friend's contention is that when we're considering a business strategy, I say, "Yes, that's a possibility." He interprets that to mean that anything is possible and then there's no action taken, whereas I use possibility as looking at something from different perspectives and seeing if it's something to be pursued. What's very useful for me (when I'm not reacting and noticing what's going on with my thoughts and body sensations) is truly listening from the other's point of view as a contribution to the wholeness of the conversation and not questioning who's "right" and who's "wrong." At the end of the conversation with my friend, we were on the same page. - Dr. Fred

Jan 22, Career change - creating an online business, case study 3

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 05:49:39 GMT

Here is the third case study in my mini-series on successful online businesses, built thanks to hard work, imagination and the help of SBI! Shaun Fawcett was very much in the same rut as the two doctors that Dr. Fred spoke about in yesterday's post. Ten years ago Fawcett was trapped on the treadmill. Here is how he describes it: "I had a 25 year career with the Canadian government. The sad thing about those 25 years spent as a civil service bureaucrat is that it was not truly me. I never felt comfortable in that milieu, but over time I just got very good at faking it. There was always a part of me that I kept buried most of the time, that wanted to be more than a just another nameless and faceless cubby-hole-dweller; I always had the feeling deep inside that I was capable of more. Truth be told; for all of those years I was actually the spirit of a small time entrepreneur trapped inside the mind and body of a government administrator. In many ways it was a difficult, soul destroying, and spirit extinguishing experience. Arghhh! Over the years I did make a couple of false-starts at escaping that situation and going out on my own, but life circumstances and fear always seemed to conspire against me so I never went through with it. And then a situation arrived where the break was made for me. I decided that I would take one last shot at going solo before throwing in the towel and giving up my dream of career and financial independence." He decided to follow his passion for writing and discovered SBI! He went on to create a web site entitled WritingHelp-Central.com and eventually a second site called WritingHelpTools.com. The rest is history. Ten years later he is earning a six-figure income from a variety of revenue sources based on his online businesses built with SBI!: - sales from 10 e-Books
- paperback sales and booksellers
- advertising
- affiliate commissions
- editing services from website visitors
Now Fawcett can boast: "I get to spend the vast majority of my time doing something I love; creating writing-related content and products. My various writing-related income streams won't dry up the day I turn a certain age. Oh yes, last but definitely not least; I've managed to leave all of my bosses behind!" - Dr. Frank

Jan 21, Finding life purpose vs creating a possibility

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 04:33:09 GMT

Today I had a dental appointment with my dentist, who I've been friends with since we were classmates in dental school together. This guy like most of my other dentist friends chose to practice dentistry, not because he had a burning desire to enter the field but like me, it seemed to him that dentistry fit the bill in terms of being an honourable profession, a way to help people and provided a lifestyle that was attractive. Actually, the claim I make is that in my experience, most people choose work that isn't a match for their talents, values, what they enjoy doing as well as their strengths. What typically happens, which I've seen with my professional friends is they become slaves to their lifestyles and end up with the experience of being trapped. They go for the "good life" rather than one that calls them. My friend has been practicing dentistry for 39 years. He's a multimillionaire. Numerous times he's told me that dentistry isn't really for him. As it turns out, he's brilliant in mathematics and appreciates the arts. So I asked him, "When are you going to stop practicing? You're financially independent and really don't need to work. You have the possibility of doing other things that you're interested in." He replied,"Well, financial independence is relative and at this time I don't feel secure in letting go of my practice. I'd have to modify my lifestyle. And besides, I don't like the idea of not working. Being a dentist keeps me active." I've had this same kind of conversation with my ophthalmologist. He continues his work because he wouldn't know what to do with his time. What I get from him and my dentistry friend is that they're deeply resigned. They haven't distinguished for themselves the possibility of creating possibility. When I got this distinction 30 years ago, it altered my life. You don't need to find your life purpose to be fulfilled you can create a new possibility; play and engage in a game that truly has you be alive! - Dr. Fred