Working with a Mentor is an "Enlightened Way" to Coping with a Midlife Crisis
Learn from Tiger Woods
When I took up golf at twelve, I did not work with a mentor, someone with much experience and know-how in the sport that would be in my corner. Not only would this person help me master the fundamentals, but would encourage and support me in developing the mental side of my game. I thought because I had a natural swing, I could learn to play well on my own. It took me a few years of frustration before I woke up and started to work with a teacher - what a difference that made in my game!
In a way, my experience reminds me of Tiger Wood's development as a golfer and person.
His father, Earl had been Tiger's teacher throughout his formative years, since Tiger was ten months old. Apparently Tiger could imitate his father's golf swing at that very early age. Tiger attributes his success to his father's mentoring. Not only did Earl work on the mechanics of his son's swing, he also worked on Tiger's mental toughness.
From 1997 to 2000, Tiger dominated the game like no one before him. Yet he felt that if he was going to take his game to a higher level, he needed to change his golf swing. He let go of his coach and hired a new one. His game deteriorated and observers were questioning why he would want to change his swing since he was at the top of his game.
After a couple of years of hard practice, persistence, solid coaching and mentoring, Tiger was better than ever and has dominated the sport ever since. He had gone through a major transition and realized the fruits of his hard work.
Benefits of working with a mentor
The message here is that working with a
mentor
can assist people like me and you to make a midlife transition so it doesn't have to be a "crisis."
A teacher, who has been down the road you're now travelling (a midlife transition), can be more impactful than a coach. When you click on the link above, it will take you to Peer Resources, the richest source of resources related to coaching and mentoring that I've found on the web.
The "low road" versus the "high road"
Midlife is a time for self-discovery, for self-reflection. It brings up many issues, particularly related to the question, "How do I want to spend the rest of my life?" Different emotions may surface related to the past - regret, remorse, resentment and related to the future - anxiety, worry and fear, for example. Often, there's a sense of isolation and a "I can figure this out on my own" attitude. This is a "trap" that many of us fall into - thinking that if we are really determined, we don't need anyone telling us what to do. For some, asking for help is a sign of weakness.
I've taken the "low road" of trying to figure things out on my own and using "willpower." That's a tough "game." Usually, my thinking and emotions would get the best of me. I'd feel lost; discouraged and alone.
When I worked with a teacher or a coach, I was much more focused; had greater clarity and confidence; took more risks. It also made a difference that I was accountable to someone. My actions weren't based on my moods or emotions - they were based on my word, which made all the difference.
Dr. Frank has often mentioned to me the invaluable business advice he gets from his eighty-six year old mentor, a retired successful entrepreneur. They meet regularly to discuss business planning, business opportunities and investing.
My recommendations
If you want to be more effective in dealing with midlife issues, I highly recommend that you work with a mentor. Having someone who's in your "corner, " who's committed to you, who can act as a "benevolent nag" and see you through some challenging times.
Whoever you choose to be a mentor for you, they need to embody these qualities and skills:
- A personal experience of grappling with midlife issues and dealing with them successfully.
- An extraordinary commitment to your success.
- Empathy and compassion.
- Ability to give and receive constructive feedback.
- Honesty and genuineness.
- Acceptance and respect for the mentee's worldview.
