Instead of a male midlife crisis,
midlife can be a time of liberation

I've reviewed some of the literature on male midlife crisis and the more I read, the less certain I am as to what's really going on!

Webster's defines midlife crisis as "a period of emotional turmoil in middle age characterized especially by a strong desire for change." Male midlife crisis; female midlife crisis. Do they really exist? There's a tendency in the literature to move away from the use of this term.

On the one hand, there are authors like William Sadler, Ph.D, of the Center for Third Age Leadership, who offer a refreshing perspective on male midlife crisis. He says that "crises do occur in midlife but they are usually caused by a variety of factors, certainly not by chronology alone." He sees midlife as an opportunity for liberation, for freedom. We don't have to be defined by our old scripts. We are free to discover new things about ourselves, new ideas, talents, interests- basically this could be a time for adult renewal or reinvention. This applies to both sexes equally.

On the other hand, there are authors like Jed Diamond, who talk about male menopause (andropause), Irritable Male Syndrome (IMS) and male depression that affects ALL men between approximately 40-55 years old. He suggests that IMS is the more inclusive term and it's more than related to hormonal fluctuation. In other words, he's saying that all men experience a major transition and irritability is the main symptom. Male midlife crisis isn't really the appropriate term.

As a coach, who's worked with hundreds of individuals over the last twenty-eight years, I've yet to hear any man tell me that they were going through a male midlife crisis. It never comes up in conversation. Maybe this is a male thing, where men don't openly share what they're really experiencing.

I suspect that over the course of a lifetime,
both men and women have ongoing existential questions that are always in the background, such as:
(1) who am I?
(2) what's important to me in my life?
(3) what's the meaning of life?
(4) how do I connect with others?
(5) what direction is my life taking
(6) what happens to me after I die?

From time to time these questions surface because of an external event (an illness, for example) or through moments of self-reflection. Human beings are meaning making machines, so we have the choice of creating stories that empower us or disempower us. One story can lead to anxiety and depression; another one can lead to rejuvenation, regeneration and revitalization and liberation.

My philosophy is that we're all "experiments of one." What's true for other people may not be true for us. There may be experts out there proclaiming that what they're proposing applies to people in general. The ultimate test is whether it applies to you. Keep that in mind in relationship to midlife and the ageing process!

Well meaning people, like my mother, for example, will say to me, "Freddy, at your age, don't you think it's time you stop running?" If she thinks it's cold outside, she'll phone me and tell me to dress warmly. I'll always be a child for her.

I do relate to myself as "child-like" (not "childish."). This gives me a sense of vitality and the energy to continue doing the things I've enjoyed doing for most of my life, like running consistently for the last thirty years!

Suggestions for Men in Midlife

- Assess your well-being. There are many ways to do this. Consult with a holistically trained physician, someone whose orientation is to the whole person (mind, body, spirit, emotions) and who appreciates the qualitative aspects of being human. Health is more than the absence of signs and symptoms. It's more about being vital and alive.

- Practice sharing yourself (especially your feelings) with the people close to you.


Listen to this

lively conversation between Dr. Frank and myself about male midlife crisis.
To hear other interviews and to subscribe to our podcast
visit our midlife crisis coping podcast page.