His Midlife Crisis Equals Irritable Male Syndrome!

His Midlife Crisis - What's Really Going On?

This past year, one of the books I read that had a real impact on me was Irritable Male Syndrome (IMS) by Jed Diamond. He defines it as "a state of hypersensitivity, anxiety, frustration, and anger that occurs in males and is associated with biochemical changes, hormonal fluctuations, stress, and loss of male identity."

As I read through the book and looked at my relationship with a woman that I lived with for 17 years, I questioned whether I was or still am experiencing IMS, even though at this period of my life, I'm not in a committed relationship with a woman. My ex partner in life never used the phrase, "his midlife crisis" in her conversations. She would say, "I find him very irritable lately."

Males experiencing IMS display these core symptoms:
1. Hypersensitivity
2. Anxiety
3. Frustration
4. Anger

I can relate to these... maybe not to the anger so much. We men tend to be the last to recognize that we may have these symptoms. We may be in denial. It's the people close to us that notice that's something's different, especially our female partners.

There are three syndromes that may be involved here: andropause, depression and IMS. Some authors add a fourth syndrome - male midlife crisis. Some of my female clients would share with me about their relationship with their life partners and "his midlife crisis".

What about the age group that's affected?

Diamond says that it's most common in men going through major transitions such as adolescence and midlife. However, it can occur at any age!

What I've found valuable in reading this book is that whatever is going on with me isn't personal. There's no need to blame myself or feel guilty for the inappropriate ways I may have dealt with people close to me. It's a male phenomenon, not a Fred phenomenon!


Suggestions for Women Dealing with His Midlife Crisis

• Whatever is going on in your relationship, don't take it "personally."
• Start noticing if you're speaking "his midlife crisis." This labels your partner into "that's the way he is" and doesn't allow for new ways of referring to him. You've "locked" him into your point of view.
• "Change causes persistence" - the more you try to change him, the more his patterns will persist.
• "The best way to deal with an angry bull is to give it lots of space." There's a skill you can develop called "getting" someone's communication, which means you don't add or take away from what your partner is expressing. "Getting it" is different from understanding. When someone tells you a joke you "get it" or you don't!
• Look after all aspects of your well-being - physical, mental, spiritual, emotional.
• Share yourself with people close to you - get support.
• You and your partner may need to consult with a therapist and/or a physician, who has knowledge of this syndrome.


Listen to this

lively conversation between Dr. Frank and myself on the topic of "his midlife crisis".
To hear other interviews and to subscribe to our podcast
visit our midlife crisis coping podcast page.