"We chose to work towards fulfilling life instead of focusing on happiness. Happiness can, so often, be reduced to a superficial feeling, or a fleeting experience."

An interview with Gail Cantor

Since 1991, she has designed, implemented and trained leaders for the wide array of programs offered by Contegrity Program Designs. Through her way of leading and the relationships she establishes, Gail has led the establishment of "development communities" throughout the United States and Canada in both public and corporate settings. Under her leadership, these development communities provide an integrated environment in which personal and group development go hand-in-hand with enhanced productivity.

The central theme of Gail Cantor's approach is that communication, relationship and development are fundamental to freeing the power of individuals, teams, companies, institutions and communities and that this freedom, channeled through a fitting project, leads to an increase in fulfillment for all involved.

Dr. Fred Gail, I participated in some of your introductory programs (Contegrity Program Designs) and gained a greater sense of freedom, peace and happiness. Your “Daily Quotes” that I subscribe to offer me a different way of relating to my life.

Contegrity also provides a community for those who want to engage further in your work, the essence of which is providing “an integrated approach to fulfilling one’s life.”

The context for this interview is how happiness, fulfillment, full self-expression and effectiveness relate to midlifers and beyond.

Dr. Fred For about 30 years, you’ve been engaged in assisting 1000s of individuals and numerous organizations in their development. What was it that got you started on this path?

Gail Cantor What got me started was my intention to have life be meaningful. A lot of what people did and how people operated and what was going on the world did not seem to make sense to me. We are all here together and it has always seemed to me that we can all kick something in that is meaningful, inspiring, and worthwhile.

Dr. Fred The word “contegrity” can’t be found in the dictionary. What does it mean?

Gail Cantor It means having deep integrity. Not just personal integrity, but integrity (wholeness) that resonates for you and others and life. We took “con”, the Latin for “with” and “tegrity” from integrity and made Contegrity which can mean “with integrity” or “having integrity with” or “connected integrity”.

Dr. Fred There’s been an explosion of interest in happiness (at least in developed countries), not only in terms of popular resources available that deal with it but also in academia. Considering our high standard of living, how would you account for all this scrutiny and preoccupation?

Gail Cantor Even with our high standard of living, people still seem to be unhappy so they seek to find out what is really at the heart of being happy. We chose to work towards fulfilling life instead of focusing on happiness. Happiness can, so often, be reduced to a superficial feeling, or a fleeting experience. Or even “feel-full-ment.” We chose to explore what is fulfilling which is a mix of having power, freedom, a sense of fit, and peace of mind.

Dr. Fred On your website, you say that you "offer an alternative to the everyday cultural approach to success and happiness that seems both out of step with how life works and to fall short of a deep resonance and enjoyment of life.” The heart of your work is on fulfillment, not happiness. Some people would define happiness as being fulfilled. Would you first share about your “alternative” offer? Why a focus on fulfillment rather than happiness?"

Gail Cantor The prevailing culture offers so many pictures of happiness. So often it is reduced to what you should have or how you should live, mostly promoted by fantasy based advertising. Our offer focuses on giving up comparison with cultural standards and “shoulds” and the quest for a lifestyle. We start with the assumption that we are all in life to fulfill it. Our approach supports people to discern what is their way of doing that.

Dr. Fred There is a school of thought that approaches the issues of Third Agers, those of us between 45-75 years of age, through the lens of renewal and reinvention. It seems to me that you don’t use this approach. Your approach is developmental, maybe more in line with discovering who we truly are and living our lives consistent with that. Please comment.

Gail Cantor Our approach is developmental. In life, development is enforced. Different times of life call for developing new powers and freedoms that fit them. None of what is called for is “one size fits all,” yet there is a way life unfolds through time and the opportunity to be aligned with that unfolding. For example, it seems that when people hit their 40s and 50s, there is much more of a call to line up with what spirit is calling for than, perhaps in one’s thirties when inventing who you are and your values has a strong pull. “Being in development” as a way of life is being awake to what is being called for next and lining up with accomplishments that fit that call. It has to do with discovering who we are as a way of connecting with ourselves, with others, and with life.

Dr. Fred As far as I can tell, all the wisdom traditions say that the source of suffering is a misidentification with the “I” (ego, identity); we are more than separate “skin bags.” A key aspect of your work is working through life in a “relational” way and not working on the “I.” I think that’s one of the strengths of your offers. Would you respond and elaborate on what I’m saying?

Gail Cantor In our work, we are encouraging people to make a shift from considering themselves as a fixed identity or persona to validating that each of us has a way of “turning life out” that is available not in separateness, but can be recognized as we engage with others, in life, in time, and by addressing our circumstances. This way is one’s “DNA of fulfillment” and is our “first nature.” Developing this way and living consistent with it is a path that is fulfilling, has integrity, and is always available. We encourage people to focus on what there is to accomplish next on that path at the appropriate level, not too much of a stretch, but not to low either. At any age, that is satisfying.

Dr. Fred Change and uncertainty are a part of life, yet I think our experience of them accelerate as we come into middle age. We start to come to terms with having a finite time left to live. You offer a unique approach to the transition process. Would you share what that is?

Gail Cantor The first thing that I have to say is that when you are lined up with fulfilling life (which includes death) and are taking on the next “right gradient” accomplishment, the change and uncertainty occur very differently. Life may be uncertain, but you can be certain that you will always deal with it one way: by discerning what fulfills you and others and life and doing that!

We do offer transition work that is very powerful. People suffer because they resist transition. We embrace it. Our transition work gives people the opportunity to truly own and appreciate what ground they have covered and to let it go with deep appreciation. Once they have let go, the new direction can be revealed and recognized. Then, the development that is called for can be identified and a course can be set to navigate from the old way to the new in a reasonable period of time.

Dr. Fred I recommend your work. For midlifers and beyond who don’t participate with Contegrity and are looking for ways to be more fulfilled, effective and at peace, what other approaches and/or pathways would you recommend?

Gail Cantor Stay engaged with people, find out what they think is important to fulfilling life and get interested in that. Study across many traditions and ways of thinking and listen for what rings as true for you.

Dr. Fred Gail, thanks very much for taking the time to answer these questions. I’m sure the visitors to our website will find the information valuable.

Visit the Contegrity website