forgiveness

Giving and Forgiveness at Work

By Keith Robertson

What are the universal principles involved in the giving, forgiveness, and receiving that lead to a happy life? How do we open ourselves to receive blessing? What is the key to letting go of anger? What does a sincere apology sound like? To find out, read on.

Do you want to be good at getting? Be good at giving and forgiving.
We can easily see universal principles of the physical world at work. We understand that poison will harm the person who allows it inside their body. We seem to have a hard time understanding the same principles in the spiritual reality.

In ‘Your Cosmic Destiny’ by W.A. Chapman says, “Holding on to anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.”(Ref A) It doesn't work like that. But we can become so attached to our hatred that we don't want to give it up. But it is damaging us inside (ref B) There is wisdom in the Bible passage that instructs us not to keep our anger past the end of that day.

Forgive before you can Give
When Jesus told a parable about a servant who was forgiven and didn't forgive his colleague, people understood that it was wrong. Yet, we are still often unwilling to let go. “But,” you might say, “They do not deserve to be forgiven.” I can't tell you what they deserve. What they deserve is not for me, or you, to decide. But, I can tell you that you deserve to be free of the negative emotions of unforgiveness.

So how do we let go of anger?
The key to letting go of anger is to forgive those people, even if they were dead wrong; even if they’re still being a jerk about it. The more we understand them and search our own hearts, we come to see that we are all doing the best we can at any given time. It may not be one of our best moments in life, but it’s the best for that time. Understanding this simple truth makes a huge difference in letting go.

So sometimes our best was none to good. This means that barriers inevitably crop up between people in our relationship. Barriers do not go away simply with the passing of time; they have to be taken down. This is what forgiveness does. When someone apologizes, it opens something in the other's heart.

I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?
There can be obstacles in our life to apologizing: lessons we learned as a kid (ie. real men don't apologize), having no model for apologizing, low self esteem, or our own pride (always needing to be right). If someone has never learned to forgive, this leads to bitterness, and the person becomes isolated.

I'm sure you've heard a public figure apologize for something and thought, “He didn't really mean that.” Each of us has a script in our head of what we are expecting to hear as an apology. If we don't hear it expressed that way, we are unlikely to accept that apology as sincere or valid. (Ref C)

Ask yourself, “What would he have needed to add to convince me that he was sincere?” This will give you a good idea of what you need in an apology. The next time you apologize to someone, realize that what they need to hear from you may be somewhat different. Here’s what’s important to remember, though: do not expect anything from them! It’s not about them. The process is for you to be able to let go. (Ref D)

Be open for business
As long as we hold on to our anger, that hand is closed and not able to receive anything else or to give to others. We are not opening ourselves up to receiving blessing and when this happens, we miss out on a lot of the beauty that life has to offer. Next, we will look at the universal principles involved in all of that giving and receiving that leads to a happy life of blessings.

See Keith's article on Cognitive development.

Ref A http://www.amazon.com/Your-cosmic-destiny-W-Chapman/dp/B0007I1GA8 Ref B In “A More Excellent Way” by Henry Wright http://shop.beinhealth.com/store/US/catalog/partlist.aspx?CategoryID=34 Ref C (Forgiveness May 27th, 2011 Blog by T. Harv Eker http://www.harveker.com/2011/05/forgiveness/) Ref D http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/30-second-quizzes/apology/

Keith Robertson
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Keith Robertson

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