Getting clear about who you are
will create a change of life

Sometimes a change of life is being called for. By that I mean, something needs to shift in our relationship to ourselves, others and the world to experience fulfillment.

Throughout my life, I've had a feeling of being lost - that I haven't connected to what I've been designed to express. Some writers call this a "calling." And some support the "acorn theory" which holds that each person bears a uniqueness that asks to be lived and that is already present before it can be lived".

I've enjoyed all the expressions of my work - dentist, health promoter, career coach, personal development trainer, financial services consultant and executive coach. Passion wasn't present and still isn't ... I don't wake up in the morning gung-ho about getting to work; I'm gung-ho about starting my day with thirty minutes of meditation and thirty to sixty minutes of running. This centers me and gives me lots of energy. I am passionate about connecting with people and being a valuable resource.

Being true to myself

One of the most valuable resources I've used over the years is the set of processes shared in the book, What Color Is Your Parachute? . I've found it to be most valuable in discovering my interests, what skills I most enjoy using, my values, vision, mission, strengths and the environments I most likely would thrive in. I'm in my "right livelihood.".. as long as I'm coaching or facilitating or teaching. I could say that I'm in "integrity" with myself by being engaged in a vocation that is consistent with who I consider myself to be as well as what's most important to me.

As I've mentioned elsewhere on this website, dentistry wasn't a good fit for me, so I chose to go through a change of life.

Most of my midlife coaching clients haven't gone through the process of discovering who they really are. When they take on this work through working with me and through using other resources like readings, courses and therapy, they come to realize that a change of life is a natural fallout. They often will go through a career transition, take more quality time for themselves, strengthen their relationships, improve their well-being, take more responsibility for their financial situation and work on getting out of "doing" mode and into "being" mode. They really go through a process of adult renewal.

Who are you?

All spiritual traditions say that man has a mistaken belief that the "I" we refer to exists. It doesn't! When we truly "get" this, we are considered to be "self-realized," or "enlightened" or "awake." This is THE process of self-discovery. Access to it typically follows a spiritual or religious path, although that's not necessary.

What I've learned about myself is that I don't need to have a "calling" or be "enlightened" to design a fulfilling life. I like the idea of creating a context for life as a "game," where there isn't anything inherently significant in playing it. The most important element in a change of life is to play whatever "game" we create, like our life depends on it, while having fun!

Change of Life Suggestions

1. Complete the What Color Is Your Parachute process with a coach and preferably group support.
2. Read and complete the exercises in the books referred to in this page.
3. Start a spiritual practice, one in which you feel a connection to a particular lineage.
4. Participate in a transformational and/or developmental program like Contegrity Program Designs and the Hudson Institute.


Listen to this

lively conversation between Dr. Frank and myself about change of life.
To hear other interviews and to subscribe to our podcast
visit our midlife crisis coping podcast page.